Stumbling Towards You (PONES)
by chesss
Summary: Danny is pissed when his parents tell him they will welcome another orphan into their house. He only wants to have fun, not to adapt his privileged life to another kid. But this time, it's different: Dougie is 17 and he doesn't want a family, friends or sympathy. Reluctance from both parts transforms itself into friendship and... what? What is that tender feeling?
1. Chapter 1

First position

''Well, don't count on me to babysit!'' Danny screams, slamming his bedroom door shut.

He hears his mother's muffled voice shouting back from the living room of the house but he doesn't get what she is saying. Does it matter anyway?

He can't believe she did it again! Accepting to take a needy little child in their house! His father and her adopted two already! Wasn't it enough? Apparently not… It is starting again.

''We just want to help him, honey'' explained his dad. ''He is special and…''

''They are all special'' had countered Danny.

''True, all people have something special but Dougie needs a chance...''

''Don't they all?'' grumbled Danny.

''We are just here to provide him a safe environment. It's not like with Xio and Leslie.''

Xio and Leslie are Danny's sisters. His parents took them in as foster kids and they never left. Not like all those others that took the bedroom next to his and then left the house to go back to their families or to other houses. Time passes but everything stays the same: his parents are going to take another kid in and, instead of having a room next to his on the first story of their big house, the little thing will share the basement with him. Talk about privacy breach!

''He doesn't need to get adopted'' said his mother again.

''They all want to be, especially when they see our house and touch our big screen TV and inground pool.''

''Danny, don't be a rich kid…

''Well, mom, I am.''

''I thought we taught you that sharing was more important than owning'' said his dad.

''And Dougie Poynter needs you to share your luck with him.''

''Save the speech'' had sighed Danny. ''It's not like I'm going to change your mind… let's bring in needy baby number thirty-two…''

''Danny!''

He had ignored his parents' pleas and went down to his room, followed by Robin, the family dog, a big honey colored Labrador. No matter what he says, there are always others… And now… the other is coming in his space. Up close and personal.

With a grunt, Danny starts to clean the basement a little. He has a big bed in it, a massive TV, a couch and a table, working space, computer, bookshelves, games… He will have to hide all that from the kid. He knows how they can be! When Xio arrived, she was three and she made a mess everywhere she went. Leslie was five so it was a bit better but she was nosy! Now, Leslie is ten and Xio is thirteen but it doesn't prevent them to be brats and to invade his space all the time. At seventeen, Danny just wants to be a normal high school guy. Hanging out with his friends, the girls, having fun and spend money on stupid things, be free… Not live in a house that collects homeless kids like other people take in animals…

Later that night, Danny is sitting at his work desk, playing a computer game, helmet over his head when he sees his parents entering the room. His dad comes close, tried to push the earplug out but Danny brushes his hand away.

''Whatever'' he says, eyes on the screen.

With a sigh, the two adults take the table and chair out of the room, along with the two places sofa. Instead, they carry a big rectangular box and a mattress in. Leaving it on the wall, they exit the room and Danny finally looks back at the big space left for the new kid. He's not even there and it doesn't look like Danny's room anymore! So much trouble for what? Months and then… he's going to be off to a center, his family or whatelse.

Beeping in his ears reminds him of what he was doing and he resumes his game.

''So your mom is on another charity case?'' asks Andrea, his ex-girlfriend, as they sit with all their friends at lunch the next day.

Their school is big. Really big. But everybody knows Danny and his group anyway because… Well, because they are just cool. And rich. And throw amazing partys. Mostly for that.

''Don't call it that'' objects Elliot. ''I think it's nice…''

''Thanks mother Theresa'' says Danny, rolling his eyes. ''If my dad dies, you can be his replacement, you will get along so well with my mother.''

Around the table, everybody laughs and Elliot punches Danny's shoulder.

''Would be way too weird to have your best friend as a stepdad'' he says.

Danny wrinkles his nose. Yeah, really too creepy.

He says nothing. He doesn't want to think about that Dougie guy, he is still mad that his parents don't think he is worth being consulted each time they take someone in. The last time, it was an 18 months old girl that kept waking him up at five AM! He didn't ask for that! He wants to study graphic arts, not nursing! Apparently, he is irrelevant in this house. And more… in his own bedroom! The house is really big, they have five bedrooms upstairs but his dad took one for his office and there is the girls' old playroom… why not convert it in a bedroom? Oh, right… because they probably intend of getting other little kids to play in it.

At least, judging by the one place bed with no rails that his parents brought in last night, the child must be at least four or five… Let's just hope he knows what property means, Danny doesn't want anyone to mess with his stuff.

For the remaining of the day, Danny doesn't think about the new kid. He really wants to concentrate and get good grades. He doesn't need a scholarship or anything but he wants to go to New York Graphic Arts College and for that, he needs good grades because they are accept only the best. He is the best. Right?

If you ask the question in school, people will agree. Guys will says yes with a hint of jealousy and girls with a longing look. Danny had a lot of girlfriends. Or short term intimates like Elliot likes to call them. What? Danny is not made for long term relationships, it`s not his fault. Plus, he managed to stay friends with a lot of those girls, he never promised anything so they couldn't blame him. But… now… with someone else in his room?

Danny grunts, driving back home from school in his jeep with Elliot. No more sex in his bedroom. Great.

''OK, spill it out'' says Elliot as they turn into his street.

''Don't know what you are talking about.''

''When you say that, it means that you exactly know what I mean. Plus, after twelve years of friendship, I know when you are not feeling too well.''

''I feel just fine'' grumbles Danny.

''You're sulking.''

''I am…''

Danny sighs, pulling into Elliot's driveway. He was about to say that he wasn't sulking but Elliot (Loli for friends…) knows him and would never shut up.

''I just wished my parents would stop loving their jobs so much.''

''I think it's really nice that they have such a big heart Dan'' counters Elliot. ''We are lucky, you know.''

''Thank you for making me feel like an ungrateful moron'' sighs Danny.

''That`s not what I meant, grumpy'' laughs the other, getting out of the car.

Danny watches him walk to his door and lowers his window. A rush of warm desert air hits him in the face. El Paso in February is always so warm… and it's going to get warmer…

''You are the better one of us two!'' says Danny loudly.

Elliot starts to laugh: ''You can't have the looks and a sense of compassion apparently.''

Danny chuckles, closing his window. Elliot is good looking too. Yeah, pretty good looking actually, thinks Danny, driving home.

''I helped dad built the bed!'' says Leslie as soon as Danny passes the door.

''And I put the sheets and dressed the table with a plate extra!'' adds Xio.

Danny rolls his eyes, taking his sneakers off.

''Do you realise you said almost the same thing to me when we got the dog?''

''Daniel!'' sends his dad, arriving from the living room. ''Seriously…''

''Whatever'' grumbles Danny, walking pass him to get to his bedroom.

He immediately advises the built bed and the blue quilt on it. Danny sits on it, strokes the fabric. Is he happy that his parents have a big heart or sad that they never seem to have enough? He just hopes that this one doesn't stay long. Danny isn't like his parents, he doesn't want to be nice to people, they do that enough for the whole family.

He lifts his head when the stairs to the basement start to make noises. Xio's head pops in the room.

''Why are you on Dougie's bed?''

''He's not there yet, it`s still my room.''

''It's the parents' room actually, you didn't pay nothing. Apart from all those clothes.''

She laughs a little and Danny rolls his eyes again. She can be so… « miss know it all » sometimes, it's annoying… Plus she is always right, which makes it ten times worse.

''Mom is arriving with him in ten minutes, that was my message'' says Xio, brushing his jet black hair from her forehead. ''Dad added: « tell him to download some kindness »''

''Yeah, yeah…''

Xio giggles, walking up the stairs. She doesn't understand how it feels to… to what? Danny couldn`t say but it's not a nice feeling that he has inside of him right now.

He finally rejoins the others upstairs when he heard the front door. He can't deny that he is curious. How old? What nationality? He would already see if the kid was nice or if they needed strong rules in the bedroom.

Danny sees his dad and sisters and then his mother next to someone that is presenting his back to them, taking his shoes off. He seems as tall as their his mom, as tall as Leslie then. His mom isn't very tall anyway. But then, he straightens up and he is two heads taller than her. What the fuck? The guy turns around.

''Hi, Dougie'' says Danny's dad, holding out a hand, which the new kid shakes. ''This is Leslie and Xiomeida.''

''Xio is enough'' she said.

''And this is our son, Danny'' continues the man, pointing him. ''Danny, say something, please?''

But Danny can't say a thing. He is old! Like… not grown-up old but still old! Like fifteen, sixteen… his age? He has a white shirt and gray pants, his skin is tanned, hair bleached by the sun… Judging by what Loli said about the looks and sympathy, this guy should be the biggest douche in the world because he sure has looks for him, thinks Danny.

Dougie, hands in his pockets, waits for the rich kid to talk. Not that he really wants to chat but everything would be better than this silence and the look he is giving him, like Dougie is the weirdest thing on the planet. Well, he is in a way…

''Danny… make an effort'' sighs his mother.

''He is like… an adult'' he can only say.

''Well, if you hadn't been so moody and teenage like, we would have told you that you two would probably get along just fine because he is your age.''

Danny blushes a little. Thanks dad… for telling the new dude that he didn't want him to be there in the first place…

Dougie can't help but smile a little at the sight of the guy, embarrassed. It's not like he did need a place to stay so he can understand that the change isn't welcome. He was fine at the Youth Centre. Anything is better than juvenile detention anyway. Plus this house… seems too good to be true. And Dougie learned early that when things are so shiny and precious… they break way too easily and… yeah, they are too good to be true.


	2. Chapter 2

Second position

Dougie keeps his mouth shut all dinner long, saying shy thanks you and nodding from time to time. Not once he catches Danny's eyes on him. But they are. Danny still can't get over the fact that he is seventeen. What happened to « the young kids need to have a good start in life and we are helping them? » Dougie isn't young so… how did his start go?

Not again, grumbles Danny within himself. Do not start to wonder… do not start to care.

''Tomorrow, we will go to the studio together, alright?'' says Danny's mom.

Dougie nods again.

''What studio?'' asks Danny.

''The dance studio Dougie is going to teach in'' replies his dad.

''Oh'' Danny take a bite, eying the new guy. So they found him a job? A teaching job? It seems to Danny that he barely knows how to interact with people.

''Why are you teaching dance?'' demands Leslie. ''You're not an old lady.''

''Good thing you adopted her'' chuckles Danny. ''Her vision is marvelous!''

Danny's dad lets out a little laugh but his mom just shakes her head. She turns to her youngest daughter. ''He will be teaching to earn some money. To pay for the dance lessons he is taking. Paying the right way.''

The woman sends a look to Dougie, who contemplates his food like if it's the most interesting thing on earth.

Just three sentences and Danny learned a lot. A guy that dances? That's weird. And Dougie isn't really an angel… He surely looks like one though. « I mean, thinks Danny, who has gray eyes like that? » With what his mom said, he is more like a burglar. Or a drug dealer?

''It is part of his rehabilitation'' is declaring his father.

Danny raises an eyebrow. Rehabilitation, really? Is he coming from prison?

''What does it mean?'' asks Xio, looking at Dougie for an answer.

''I means that you are trying to do things better'' replies Danny's dad.

Dougie is still fixing his food. Can he make full sentences? Danny smiles slyly:

''I think that if, for once, you picked up a kid that can already tie his shoelaces, you should let him talk for himself. At least, he is old enough to have an opinion that doesn't involve unicorns and spiderman.''

Dougie can't help it, the corners of his mouth twitch a little. He can see this guy is a sarcastic bastard, just like him. No, not like him. They are nothing alike.

''Talk, blondie'' orders Danny.

Dougie lifts his head. What next? Give the hand? Do a trick? He supports the brunette's eyes, although he feels naked all of a sudden. Too blue eyes, surrounded by cute freckles and a dimple… That's a full package deal of a face…

''Can I get excused?'' finally says Dougie, looking at the women, who nods. He gets up with a thank you and makes a step away from the table. But to go where? ''Do I have a bedroom?''

''Of course you do!'' says the dad. ''Danny, show him.''

The tall guy sighs dramatically and, as Dougie goes to the living room to fetch his two small bags, he is again surrounded by this feeling… Something isn't right here… Oh wait, it's him who isn't right. The father said « of course you do » like if he should take that for granted… People like them don't know what it's like, to be someone like him. A bed is a luxury. They wouldn't understand. A job is special, a meal is precious, a roof is something to cherish. Bling bling doesn't matter. The essentials, that's what counts. But how would they get that? They never lost anything really valuable.

Obviously.

Dougie's eyes wander across the vast room Danny lead him in. The beds, the big TV, the gaming laptop… everything screams cash.

''Is it enough for you?'' demands Danny when he notices Dougie still in the door frame. Without a word, Dougie walks towards the smaller bed. ''You're not gonna steal my stuff, right?'' asks Danny.

The blonde lets his bags fall on the floor and sits on the bed. In the corner, there is this bookshelf with at least two hundred blu-rays and videos games. There is a PlayStation, a WII and an Xbox on the floor at the bottom of the bed.

''You so are going to steal it…'' sighs Danny, taking place on his bed.

Dougie doesn't listen, he continues his visual tour of the room. The walls are a nice yellowish color, there is a window in between the two beds, over the bedside tables, hidden by green fabric. In the corner close to Danny's bed, there is a red bean bag and on the desk, a bright blue lava lamp seems to be bubbling. So many things… so many colors…

Dougie strokes the blue fabric over his bed and notices the lump at the top of the mattress. A pillow?

''Is it for me?'' he asks.

Danny takes a few seconds to understand what he means. It's only when he sees Dougie grab the quilt and pushing it down to take the pillow that he gets it. Well, no, he doesn't get it. What is this weird question? There is something weird about that guy… Well, duh! He is in rehabilitation from something! In Danny's bedroom! How could his parents let that happen?

''Yeah, it's a pillow. Never had a pillow before?''

Dougie lifts his eyes and lets go of the fabric. Of course he had a pillow before. But when the guy you are rooming with wants two pillows and he is two times your weight, you shut up and let him have it.

Without a word, Danny gets up and storms out of the room.

''Was he in prison or something?'' he asks bluntly as soon as he lays eyes on his parents and sisters, still eating. ''Because I kind of mind having to sleep next to a prisoner, you know.''

''They wouldn't have let him come here if he had anything to do with prison, Danny, think about it…''

''No, you think about it…'' snaps the brunette. ''You feel safe? I don't.''

''Danny is acting like a diva again'' laughs Xio and Leslie giggles in her chocolate pudding bowl.

''You need to relax. Dougie is a really nice guy'' sighs his mother.

''Sorry, the last time I checked, rehabilitation didn't rhyme with nice. Maybe I could do some nice things to end up in rehabilitation too?''

''You're not funny young man.''

''Whatever, dad.'' With an annoyed look to his parents, Danny extend a hand to grab his sister bowl of pudding, leaving for his bedroom followed by an outraged « hey » from Xio. They never listen…

Dougie is still sat on the bed and their eyes meet when Danny enters the room. He really is good looking. Ah, that's an understatement alright… He will make the girls at school happy…

''I am not dangerous'' says Dougie, out of the blue.

''Let me doubt that assertion for a moment…'' grumbles Danny, his index in the pudding. ''You know how many people like you I saw in my life so far? I lot and you are all dangerous to some level. Plus, you… you did bad things, am I wrong? You are like the others… just somehow worse.''

He licks his fingers and Dougie can't help but follow it with his eyes when he enters Danny's mouth and get out all slick and shiny… Dougie gets up.

''Listen'' he starts, putting his bag on the bed to empty it, turning his back on Danny. ''I don't want to be here, probably as much as you didn't want me here. I don't need parents, I had two. I don't need sympathy, friendship, pity or whatever other emotion you think I could use. Shove your sarcasm in my face, it's fine. You can think I am a loser, a creep or a dick all you want, it's also fine. You are mostly right. Just don't assume you know me. I don't know you either and I don't feel the envy to. I can make presumptions about who you are but I will never really know because I don't care. I am here to work, earn money and get this dance scholarship I has my eyes on since I was seven, everything else is irrelevant. Your opinion of me included.''

As Dougie continues to empty his bags, taking it out worn out books and what looks like slippers, Danny can only sit on his mattress, flabbergasted. He is hesitating between laughing at how the guy mouthed more words in a single reply than in the last three hours he's been here or being mad because, somehow, deep down, Danny knows a lot of what he said is right…

''Whatever'' mumbles Danny.

''That's what I thought'' whispers Dougie. He finally looks at Danny who just took another finger of pudding. ''Where can I put this?'' he asks, hands full of shirts.

Danny gets up and walks to the dresser. He has a lot of clothes, he loves clothes… There is still the wardrobe though so Danny takes out the things in the first two drawers and rests them on his bed. He will clean this later. As Dougie walks close, Danny notices that he is a few inches shorter than him. His jawline is just perfect and he has really long eyelashes. Is that normal? When he moves his head to push his fringe away from his eyes, Danny get hit by a subtle odour. What is it? Apple? Cream of something? Smells good, he thinks, walking back.

''You want to put your stuff away?'' asks Dougie, feeling eyes on his back. ''Hide it so I can't be a bad boy and run away with it? Oh running where? Here… How useful that would be to steal stuff from here to get it back… here.''

Danny wrinkles his eyes. ''You could resell it.''

''You are really clever for a rich kid'' says Dougie, resting the remaining of his clothes in the second drawer.

''And you have way too much attitude for a poor.''

''That's the only thing I have, you mean'' chuckles Dougie.

Danny remains silent. Why the laugh? It was supposed to be an insult. Some kind of insult anyway. He never was really good with words fight. He loves sarcasms but he never needed to make his point with words really. He wouldn't be able to do it anyway. Look at what happens time after time with his parents and foster kids? Yeah… he doesn't have any power in this house.

But he will have some in his room, that's for sure!

''Going to take a shower'' grumbles Danny, grabbing a pair of boxer briefs from the bed. ''Don't touch anything.''

Dougie watches him walk to the second door of the room and sees a toilet before it closes. So Danny has his private bathroom? Wow. Dougie looks around again. He is so not used to that… all that space, all that luxury, all that… life in within walls.

He resumes the cleaning of his bags and at the bottom of the last one, he feels glassy paper. His heart starts to beat a little faster. Why did he steal that? Why did he bring that? Why? He knows why! Because he wanted to wank looking at something. And having internet isn't a possibility, right?

Dougie hears the shower starts and looks under his mattress. No, he can't hide it here, if the guy is nosy, he will find it… Eying the furniture, Dougie decides that to slide it under the chest of drawer. You can't see underneath, it's perfect. God only knows what some people can do when they found out someone is gay…

''You all set?'' asks a voice and Dougie straightens up at once.

He feels himself blushing under Danny's dad eyes. Homosexual is probably a word he doesn't want to see pronounced, even in someone's head. Dougie finally nods.

''I have something for you.'' says the man, coming closer. ''So you can keep all your music with you at all time.''

Dougie can only blink when he advises the Ipod through the cover.

''You're welcome'' smiles the man. Close to them, the shower stops. ''Just asks Danny to use his computer to load it, OK?''

Dougie nods and, after pressing his shoulders, he takes the stairs up to the living room or the kitchen. Hastily, Dougie opens the box, feels the slick of the device under his index.

''What are you doing?''

Dougie lifts his head and opens his mouth but no sound comes out. Danny is there, dying his hair with a towel in a little pair of boxer brief. So… sexy… thinks Dougie. Bending forward, Danny continues to brush his hair. Dougie feels a shiver running in every nerves of his body.

He turns around. No. No desire. No lust. That would lead nowhere.


	3. Chapter 3

Third position

Dougie had been awake way before Danny's alarm clock started to beep. He rises on his elbows when the sound echoes in the room and, with a grunt, Danny slams his palm on it. The brunette turns around in the bed, pushes the covers away but doesn't make a single move to get up, eyes still closed.

While he can, Dougie lets his eyes wander on Danny's body, from the freckles on his shoulders to his darker nipples and his abs He is so freaking gorgeous… Dougie adverts his eyes before the other gets out of those sleeping vapours he is drowning in and realizes that the gay guy next to him is trying with all his might not to get hard.

It's Monday. First day of school for Dougie. Saturday, he went to the studio not to far from the house with Danny's mother and, when Danny asked what kind of dance he did, Dougie felt a bit embarrassed. He hates personal questions. Since he learned Dougie was a contemporary dancer, Danny hasn't stop calling him ballerino. Sunday, Dougie helped Danny's dad clean the massive backyard. Was way too normal for him…

But now… Monday. School. Right. He hasn't been in a real school for so long… Four years actually. With a year of not going at all. No wonder why he is behind. « That and the fact that I'm stupid » thinks Dougie, sitting down.

The alarm starts again and, for the second time, Danny smashes his palm on it, still mostly dead to the world. He stretches, making his hips fall into the mattress and his rib cage lift. Dougie sighs. Dang, Danny's hot. And he, Dougie, needs a cold shower.

In the bathroom, he studies the faucets another time. Hot water left, cold water right. Was the opposite at the Youth Center. And it was only cold in juvi. Dougie takes a quick shower and, when he comes back in the bedroom, Danny is gone. There are clothes on the bed and Dougie sees the labels: Hugo Boss, Armani… Of course.

Taking a pair of shorts and a wife beater from his drawers, he tries to look for the brands. Nothing. They are too worn out or didn't have any to begin with, take your pick.

In the bathroom again, after combing his hair, looking at his reflection, Dougie tries to brush off the dark circles under his eyes. It always takes him a few nights to get used to a new place. He has been here for two days, should be OK tonight, right? He hopes so…

Laughter over his head makes him jump and he hastily gets up the stairs. Woh. He almost falls back in the stair case. Danny is dancing, shaking his ass in front of the stove, a pan in hand and Leslie and Xio are laughing their asses off. Danny makes a pancake flip and the two girls clap. He spins around on his feet, à la Michael Jackson and freezes when he notices Dougie staring.

''Dance again!'' urges Xio.

''No way.''

''Don't mind me'' says Dougie, hands in his pockets. ''Where is the authority?''

Even though he is embarrassed as hell, Danny can't help but chuckle a little. That's a fun way to put it. ''Parents leave really early on Mondays and Thursdays''.

So… Danny takes care of his sisters two mornings per week? That so noble… so out of character… During the week end, Dougie didn't see him once play with them. He spent most of his time on his computer, talking through a helmet with some random players and being a brat about everything.

''Want a pancake, ballerino?'' calls Danny.

''Sure, Billy Jean…''

Xio starts to laugh and Danny frowns. ''What?'' He sees Dougie smile to his sister and shakes his head. He is making fun of him and he doesn't get why! Billie who… oh.

''Ah, ah, really funny'' finally lets out Danny.

''Wow, you are as fast as lightning…''

''And you should shut up before I make you walk to school'' innocently smiles Danny in reply. He sits down roughly on a chair in front of him. No pancakes for Dougie. Dougie is mean. Dougie is an idiot. Dougie is… Danny swallows when the blonde brushes his hair with his hand. The same subtle odour comes back to him. What the hell is it? And why the hell does he care?

Finally Dougie gets up, serves himself and, less than thirty minutes later, they all take place in Danny's jeep.

''Sucks that we won't be able to sit in the front anymore'' pouts Leslie.

''What do you mean?'' demands Dougie.

''Monday I sit in the passenger seat, Thursday Xio sits in the passenger seat.''

''Oh. Come on, then…'' As Danny is starting the engine, Dougie opens the door and, with a squeal of happiness, Leslie slides in the front. Dougie takes place in the back. In the rear-view mirror, Danny watches him. That was a nice thing to do… So maybe he can interact with people… Maybe.

All week-end, each time Danny asked a question, Dougie replied by a « yes » or « no » and cut off every conversation possibilities. He learned that the dance school he wanted to apply to was in New York too and that he had been dancing since he was six. When Danny asked who taught him and what his parents thought about dance, Dougie shut down completely. Like a clamp. Except that he smelt really good. « Not that again! » grumbles Danny within himself.

He drives the girls to school and then continues to their high school. As soon as they arrive in the parking lot, Dougie looks out the window. The color drains from his face.

''It's huge…'' he mumbles, sitting back.

''Bah… you'll get the hang of it. Five wings, two stories, it's not that hard… Plus, there is like a thousand people to help you if you are lost.''

Danny gets out of the car but Dougie can't move. School is scary. He is almost regretting the Youth Centre now, with the unique lousy teacher and idiots picking at him or fighting at the back of the class. At least, he knew where he stood back there. He was a loser among losers, he didn't feel so out of place… Now… sitting in a net jeep, in front of a high school full of rich kids? That's too big of a step and… well, yeah, it's scary.

Knocks on his window make him jump. ''Come on!'' calls Danny. ''You're acting like you found a pillow again…''

Blushing, Dougie gets out, his bagpack on his shoulder. He never had to carry that before, that's weird. He never had one, except for that time… when he was thirteen… yeah, those happy few months…

''Earth to freak'' says Danny, snapping his fingers in front of his face. ''Stay grounded ballerino, you almost hit a wall…''

Dougie looks around and yeah, he is standing next to the door. Danny touched him? So he wouldn't hit the side? And Dougie was too up in his head to feel it… Bummer. « Don't start with that » silently sighs Dougie. He starts to follow Danny but stops in his tracks.

First. Way too many people. Girls and boys, lurking him. Watching, smiling. Second… there is an arrow pointing the Dean's office and it's not where Danny is heading.

''What now?'' says the brunette. Dougie points the arrow. ''I'll show you where it is later, we still have time before the bell. Plus, it's better if you meet my friends now, it will be less awkward at lunchtime.''

Dougie raises an eyebrow. Friends? What's that? Well… he knows what friendship means but… Apart from those two guys he is dancing with from time to time… he doesn't have friends. And the three of them dance, they don't hang out, it doesn't count. Anyway, what's the point of friendship when you can't trust anyone?

''You are shaking'' states Danny.

Dougie looks at his hands. Oh. He slides them in his short's pockets. Go masculinity.

''Let's go, they are probably near the lockers.''

''You don't like me, why would you want me to hang out with your lot?''

''Because, if I don't make an effort, my parents are going to be on my back for all eternity.'' Danny sighs. ''Come on, now, OK?''

Dougie doesn't move, his heart racing. He doesn't want friends. They will want to know stuff… ''Listen… '' he starts, eyes on his feet. ''I don't want to meet your friends, I don't want to eat with you. I just want to get my diploma, nothing else matters.''

''I have a déjà vu feeling…''

Dougie can't help the small smile that climbs on his lips. ''School and dance and then I am out of your life, don't waste your time on me, Danny, I am not worth the trouble.''

With that, Dougie follows the arrow, praying to God that he won't get lost. He bumps into a lot of people, avoids smiles and looks.

Danny slowly makes his way to the lockers and meet the others. What Dougie said is turning in his head… A few months and he will be gone… Danny shouldn't care. He should be used to that by now. And yet, he hates it.

''Where is the rookie?'' asks Elliot.

''Somewhere.''

''Don't tell me you lost him already? Dan…''

''Don't Dan me, Loli. He had to go see the Dean and, I quote : I don't want to meet your friends… bla bla bla, diploma…''

''He doesn't want to meet us?'' laughs Corey and the other four guys standing there with them follow. ''Who is the pretentious bitch?''

''Calm your testosterone'' sighs Danny. ''I quote again: I am not worth the trouble.''

''He said that?'' frowns Elliot. ''That's weird…''

''He is weird'' points out Danny. ''I asked my parents about who he is and they said they couldn't tell. I think they don't even know!''

''They ought to have read his file or something…''

''Well, they don't want to tell me. And I have to babysit…''

''That could be worse, no? Is he at least cute?'' demands Andrea. The three other girls look at Danny, waiting for a reply. He hesitates. Yeah, he thought Dougie was good looking. OK, OK, more than that but… He doesn't want to say it.

''How am I supposed to have noticed that?''

Later, Dougie gets out of the Dean's office, a sheet of paper with his schedule on it and his locker number. The bell rings when Dougie reaches the common place. Flows and flows of students start to walk around him. He feels claustrophobic all of a sudden. Too many people that he doesn't know, too many people… so different than him. Is there any other juvi rehab fucked up loser here? He doubts it. No… let me rephrase that. Is there any other juvi rehab fuckep up gay loser here? Obviously not. How did life managed to be such a failure for him… that's a mystery. Well, life is a bitch.

Looking around, Dougie sees the signs announcing the toilets and he walks to it. Safety. Privacy. He locks himself in a cubicle and waits for the bell to ring again. He needs to grow some balls, he can't hide like that every time. It's just… so different. He almost regrets Danny's offer now.

''No'' mumbles Dougie, unlocking the door. ''No help, no dues, no pain.''

He gets out of the bathroom and his gaze travel on the emptying place and the students marching towards corridors. He is going to be late… He looks at the sheet: maths, B2-20. What the fuck is that? An equation? Looks like a football code. B! 2-20! Hut! Dougie smiles a little, walking to the closest corridor. There is a E written at the start. Oh. OK. He gets that part.

Finally, after ten minutes of turning around, he founds the B corridor. And a girl. She is walking towards him with a bunch of papers in her hands. She is wearing a cheerleader outfit.

''Hey cutie'' she says, walking pass him.

Dougie doesn't respond. He knows how to talk to girl, he slept with girls and all that crap but he isn't here for that. There is no point dating girls to pretend to be straight, he just wants to study. If he finds his class.

''Hey!'' calls Dougie, rejoining the girl. ''Can you tell me where B2-20 is?''

She sends him a bright smile. ''Second story, on the left. The 2 stands to the story, you see and the even numbers are on the left, the odd numbers on the right. Here you go.''

''Oh. Thanks.''

She smiles again and resumes her walk. That wasn't so hard, was it? He arrives in front of the door, his heart racing. He hates maths. He hates school. He hates people. He knocks on the door and an old man comes to open.

''I'm new'' manages to let out Dougie.

''Right, Mister Poynter. Come on in.'' The man moves on the side and Dougie walks in. He sees Danny almost immediately. He feels relieved all of a sudden without knowing why. They don't know each other more than Dougie knows any other students in the place.

''Is it him?'' asks Elliot, on his left. Danny nods. Dougie is freaking out. He is fidgety and stiff at the same time. He really doesn't want anyone to see how scared he is. But why? It's just a stupid school.

''He's hot!'' hisses Andrea, behind Danny.

''Dougie, do you want to introduce yourself to your classmates?''

''Not really.'' mumbles the blonde.

Danny, at the back of the class, scoffs. Why is he not surprised? That guy is a total misanthrope. He catches Dougie's eyes when the teacher says that maybe, to make friends, it could be a good move to talk about himself.

''He like to dance and long walks on the beach'' says Danny loudly.

Dougie's eyes turn into slits ''I've never been to the beach… bitch''.

Danny starts to laugh. Yeah, he doesn't like to share space with a weirdo but he has to admit that it's fun fighting with him. If you can call that fighting.

''So you're a fag?''

Everybody in the class turns to the left corner, where a guy name Jose is sat among his bunch of goons. Danny doesn't like those guys, they are jerks.

''I would suggest you to stop making assumptions about people'' calmly says Dougie, making Danny smile slightly. ''I could say you are a moron but I'll reserve my judgement for later.''

''OK, enough'' sighs the teacher. ''Dougie, you can sit next to mister Jones since he's the one you insulted the less…''

Danny chuckles but his smile dies when Jose adds: ''Every dancer is a fag, no?''

''You're so fucking original'' lets out Dougie, falling on his seat. ''It's the first time I hear that… today.''

After another warning, the class fells silent. Danny can see Dougie relax next to him. He flexes his fingers about a dozen times before leaving his palms flat on the desk.

''I'm Elliot'' says a voice and a hand is extended in front of Danny. Dougie only nods without shaking it.

''Loli for friends or Mother Theresa when he licks my parents' asses'' adds Danny.

Andrea, behind them, laughs a little and Danny concentrates on the backboard. Dougie tries to do the same but it's bloody Chinese up there… He doesn't get anything… This is so much farther than any of the stuff he did at the Youth Centre! How is going to manage?

''You are having lunch with who?'' demands Danny, when the bell rings.

''Why do you care?''

''I don't. Just don't embarrass me.''

''I live for that only, rich boy…''

With that, he turns heels and walks up the corridor. « Does he know he is going in the wrong direction? » wonders Danny. Loli lifts an eyebrow: ''He is… uhm… interesting.''

''That's a way to put it'' laughs Danny. ''Let's go eat.''

Dougie ate in the toilets. Far away from people. Not really by choice but he got lost. Again. When the bell rang, he peed and got a bit lost on the way to econ class. He arrived ten minutes late, it wasn't that bad. That's what he thought before he saw Danny sitting the room. Great.

On the last period of the day, he had English. That he is good at. And Danny wasn't there. Good way to end the day. Walking back to the lockers, following the flock of people to be sure Danny wouldn't leave him at school, tired of waiting because he got lost again. He looks for his locker number. 2340… He sees 2339 and 2341. The 40 is blocked by a couple kissing. Double great.

''Sorry?'' Dougie clears his throat. ''Sorry?''

The guy turns around. Dougie can't help but think he looks like the guy he was in cell with the first time he went to juvi. Only two times bigger because he's not 12, obviously.

''You mind?'' growls the big dude, ready to go back to his activities.

''Actually yeah, I mind. It's my locker, go eat her face somewhere else.''

The girl emits an offended squeal and Dougie takes a step back when the guy turns to him. He grabs his collar. ''Repeat that. Just once.''

''I don't need to repeat, you heard, apparently.''

Danny, marching towards the exit with Elliot and Corey, stops when he hears a loud bang. On the next row of lockers, he finds a little mass of people and… what is he doing now? Dougie is in the middle of it with Yohan, the linebacker of the football team. It seems like the big guy shoved the smaller one into the lockers. Slowly, people go on with their activities when Yohan leaves, pointing a threatening finger towards Dougie.

''What happened?'' he asks.

''I made friends'' simply replies Dougie, finally able to open his locker door.

Danny shakes his head. Right. ''Come on, my mom sent me a text, we need to pick up dinner.''

Once in the jeep, Dougie doesn't say a word. He is flexing his hands again. First day didn't go all too well, heh? Danny never had to live that. Moving. Changing schools and all that. He never was the new kid anywhere. Plus, he has a facility to talk with people and be nice with them. Dougie doesn't have that, that's for sure.

''You were fighting on your first day?'' finally asks Danny.

''I wasn't. I'm not stupid enough to pick a giant to fight with me. I just… talked to him.''

''You need to revise your game plan, mate.''

Dougie scoffs, eyes on the road. He needs a new personality. A new life. That's what he needs.

''Don't tell your parents, please?'' he finally mumbles. ''That I almost fought? They might send me away.'' Dougie sighs. ''Well, you should tell them. That way, you'll be alone in your room again.''

Danny remains silent. Sure, that would be easy to give Dougie up but he isn't sure his parents would let him go for only a stupid word fight. And… when he talked, just now… Danny could hear it in his voice. He is as scared as a four year old child. Plus… Danny isn't sure he wants him to go anyway. Not anymore. He is kind of OK. A weird way of OK. And he smells nice.


	4. Chapter 4

Fourth position

''You look tired'' says Danny's dad to Dougie the next morning. ''You sleeping well?''

Instantly, the blonde wonders if there was something in his file about why he has trouble sleeping? Last time he managed to steal the bunch of papers, there was a mention of the reason but nothing about sleep.

''He snores'' finally replies Dougie, pointing Danny in front of him.

''I do not!''

Dougie shrugs. No, he doesn't. He sleeps peacefully, with soft sighs from time to time and Dougie kind of like to watch him sleep. Yeah, that's creepy, he knows it.

''We are going to buy you « breath right » bands'' says Danny's father to his son. ''Might help.''

''I do not snore!''

''There is nothing wrong with that, sweetie'' smiles his mother.

''Mom, with all the girls I slept with, I would have had complains if I snored, OK? I just had compliments ah ah!''

''Danny, come on… Don't talk like that'' sighs the women. ''Lucky your sisters aren't there.''

Dougie watches Danny eat. What is that feeling? In his guts, clenching his stomach? He knew the guy was straight, it was obvious, there are girls on his wall and he heard him talk on the phone with this ginger friend of his… Lilo? Lola? Whatever. Dougie doesn't like to feel like this. Like if he did something wrong. He just really hopes Danny never finds out that he, Dougie, is gay.

''What's up with me snoring?'' asks Danny as soon as they are in the car on the way to school.

''Sorry, OK?''

''No, not OK. They think I am some kind of tractor now.''

Dougie can't help but laugh at that. He rubs his eyes with his fists. He is so tired! Four nights with barely no sleep isn't good. It makes him impatient. And remembering what happened yesterday at school, he better learn how to calm his temper. And sleep.

''What is your first class?'' asks Danny, when he pulls off in the school parking lot.

''Biology.''

''I like biology…''

''Especially with all the girls you slept with, right?'' can't help but say Dougie.

Danny wants to smile but somehow he can. He usually is quite proud of his reputation. He isn't a dick but he has fun. Never got into trouble, he is a nice guy and good in bed, he knows that. Dougie's tone makes him feel unease though. It's a matter of fact tone that makes him feel like a total idiot.

Dougie opens the jeep door and hops off without another word. Second day. Only like… 108 to go. God, that's depressing…

He walks to his locker and notices someone wrote loser on it. Great. Already? They couldn't wait for a week to pass before tagging him? Dougie touches the metal. It's not water proof ink. He manages to find the toilets and grabs paper, wet it and go clean his locker door.

Then, he tries to find his biology class. He arrives just seconds before the bell rings. At least, he is getting the hang of something. Danny is sat in the back of the class again, with an empty seat in front of him. The teacher motions Dougie to take it.

''You following me, or what?'' grumbles Dougie, sitting down.

''Seeing how you are always late, I would say you are the stalker… Plus, if you hadn't put a diva tantrum in the car, you would have known that I had biology too this morning…''

''I didn't put on a diva tantrum, that's your department…''

Danny chuckles. ''Whatever you say, ballerino.''

''Yeah, whatever I say, tractor.''

Danny smiles to his desk. Why the fuck? It was an insult, he should insult back but he can't. He just wants to smile.

His smiling envies got down quickly when the bell rings. Dougie hastily grabs his stuff and gets out of the room without a nod. What's up with this guy? It's annoying how he pretends that nobody counts!

At lunch, Dougie follows the arrows to the cafeteria. So many people… He turns heels and gets outside. Wow. There seems to be as many people outside than inside, how the hell is that possible? Where can he sit to eat alone?

''Hey fag!'' yells someone at his right.

Everybody turns to the door. Dougie notices the same guys as the day before, sitting there, waving at him, blowing kisses.

''Yeah, that's right'' laughs loudly Jose. ''You know your name, don't you?''

Dougie doesn't reply. Everybody is lurking him. Great.

''Doug!'' sends another voice, on the left this time. ''Come sit with us!''

Danny. He got up and they lock eyes for a moment. He is sat with a bunch of other people. From an outside look, it could seem like the bad versus the good. Jose vs Danny but… Dougie knows that nothing good can ever come from either side. Being despised for being a dancer or making friends and being hurt again? If he has the choice, he wants neither of the above. Plus… look at how people are gawking at Danny and his table, at how they are now looking at Dougie. Who is Danny Jones in this place? He looks like the school God or something.

Dougie turns heels. Better not get involved. He is going to punch one of the two options he has square in the face, he is too tired, he is cranky as hell.

Danny sits back down, frowning. What a dick.

Later in the day, Dougie and Danny meet at the door of the art class. Danny grabs Dougie by the elbow and brings him further away from the crowd.

''What the fuck is wrong with you?'' he hisses. ''I vouched for you in front of the entire school and you turn around like you were not interested!''

''You vouched for me?'' repeats Dougie.

''My word is stronger than Jose's. He called you a fag and I wanted to prevent you anymore embarrassment but apparently, you are too good for everybody here… You humiliated me, jackass.''

Dougie opens his mouth to say something witty but nothing comes out. He didn't even mean to be rude, he just knows the limits and going to sit with Danny is crossing a line. He doesn't know how to act on the other side of the line.

''I am too good for you all?'' finally says Dougie. ''Are you blind or just fucking stupid? Have you look at you? And then at me? Have you noticed that I came to your house because of your parents' charity with one bag of clothes when the bloody shirt you are wearing cost probably more than my entire wardrobe? Did you notice that it took a day for people to start picking on me? I am the dirt you walk on, Danny, why the fuck are you trying so much to give me a space in a world where I don't belong?''

With that, once more, Dougie walks away. He enters the art class and Danny stays put, a strange feeling in the stomach. Is that why his parents are always taking young kids into their home? So they can never tell to someone who is trying to help that they are as valuable as dirt?

Finally, Danny takes place in the class, next to Andrea. She talks to him but he only nods, not really listening to any of her banter.

Last period of the day is electronics for Danny. It's an elective and it's hard. He thought it would look good on his resume for College. He rejoins Dougie at the jeep. The blonde is looking at his feet and climbs in silently when Danny unlocks the doors.

The ride is silent and it is only when the house is approaching that Danny starts: ''Listen… about what you said earlier…''

''I don't need your sympathy'' cuts Dougie. ''I'm sorry I blew your offer but you don't look like you need any help from me to be popular.''

Danny laughs loudly and Dougie can't help but smile a little. Danny's laugh is contagious. The blonde leans against the head of his seat.

''You should take a nap'' says Danny ''You look knackered.''

''Stop snoring.''

''I do not snore!''

Dougie is already out of the house when Danny finishes his sentence. He always does that! Go away without leaving Danny a single chance to win an argument.

''When did you plan on leaving?'' asks Danny's mother to Dougie when they enter the house.

''Just after dinner, I guess. It's not a long walk.''

''And you are coming back right after your classes.'' she states.

Embarrassed, Dougie mumbles a yes. « What are they talking about? » wonders Danny and then he remembers. Dance. Dougie is teaching today and he is taking a class afterwards. Danny kind of wishes he could be there to see what Dougie will be like with students and then see him dance for real. But he will never admit that. Dance is boring anyway, especially ballet, oh God… No wonder Dougie is so stiff!

After dinner, as Danny settles on his desk chair to do his homework and play online a little, he sees Dougie empty his bagpack and put a pair of shorts and what looks like a tube made of wool. Along with some kind of slippers.

''What is that?'' asks Danny.

''Leg warmers. So you don't get injured when your muscles get cold. And that'' he adds, waving the slippers ''is to absorb shock when you jump and it makes it quieter when you land. Like if you're flying…''

Danny watches him leave the bedroom. He doesn't want to do homework or play a game anymore, he just… He feels weird. Dougie's voice just got so soft for a second… In four days, it's the first time that his voice didn't have this little stiffness. No, second time. Yesterday in the car, Danny felt Dougie's weakness when he talked.

Luckily, Danny isn't the type of person who uses the weaknesses of others to get himself up but… who is Dougie Poynter, really? He doesn't know a thing about him! Well… that's not true. He knows Dougie doesn't think highly of himself, that he can be a bitch to argue with. He knows that he loves dance… a lot apparently. He knows that he is hot.

Hot?

Danny frowns. What the hell was that thought? Getting up from his chair, he climbs up to the leaving room where his sisters and parents are watching a TV show.

''Wow, a rare treat'' jokes his father. ''You joining us instead of locking yourself down there…''

''I just have a question…''

''If it's about Dougie's rehabilitation, I won't answer it'' warns his mother.

''Well… I just want to know… who he is'' starts Danny before hesitating. ''What happened in his life? I mean, I know nothing about the guy, how do you expect me to trust him? He has issues, that's the only thing I know and that pisses me off.''

''Come here'' orders Danny's dad, leading them both in the kitchen, far from the little girls' ears. ''You'll have to do with being pissed off, son… What is in his file at the Youth Centre is going to stay there, I can't tell you anything. Plus, I don't know much, the kid is mute most of the time. You know something happened but he won't tell what or why or give details so… All I know and can tell you is that his life was way too rough for any human being and the fact that he is still standing, let alone willing to make something out of his life, is short of a miracle.''

With a squeeze of his son's shoulder, the man returns to the living room. That didn't help. At all. It made it worse because now Danny is worried. And worrying is like the last thing he wanted to do. He hates that he cares too much about people, he hates that each time someone arrives in the house, he cares. That sucks. Because they leave.

Danny gets down to his room, starts his homework and takes a shower. Once out, he has made a decision. He will tell Dougie that if he ever wants to talk… well, Danny is there. No friendship or whatever but…

Finally, Danny ears steps over his head. It's almost ten o'clock and Dougie left at six… The blonde enters the bedroom, dropping his bag next to his bed. Instantly, Danny notices his gray tee-shirt. It's soaking wet. Darker than his eyes now.

''Wow, you are soaked'' he says.

''What did you think?'' replies Dougie. ''That we walked around?''

''Yeah. In tutus and looking pretty.''

Dougie smiles a little and takes his shirt off. Danny swallows. Once dressed, he looks thin, kind of skinny but Danny just saw every freaking muscle of his back moving. When Dougie turns around to sit on his bed and take his shoes off, Danny adverts his eyes. He has fabulous abs… And looking at a guy like that isn't a good thing. No matter how curious you are about him, you can't look at a guy like that. So the brunette pretends to read and leaves Dougie be shinny, sweaty and hot or whatever his in corner of the room.

Soon, the blonde leaves to take a shower and, when he gets out, Danny concentrates on his book. He doesn't even notice Dougie watching him from the corner of his eyes. « Does he realize how he is torturing me? » thinks Dougie. Danny is only wearing boxer briefs. Black with a white trim, _the_ bulge all too visible at the junction of his spread legs. He looks big…

Dougie feels himself blushing as he puts boxers on under his towel and takes it off. He is so tired now! Teaching is cool, he didn't think he would like it that much, he hasn't been around younger kids since… since he was 12… And now with little ones of six-seven years old? It was special, he liked it.

And his class? For once, he wasn't forced to get back to the Youth Centre afterwards when he was sure to be humiliated and laughed at. Here, nothing. Peace and quiet. He should thank this family for that.

Dougie gets into bed and turns on his side. ''Good night'' he mumbles after a moment.

Danny looks at his form on the mattress and smiles. ''Good night, ballerino''.

Soon after, he settles in for the night as well. The room is silent, but Dougie is obviously still awake, his breathing isn't deep or regular. Thinking back about what has been said today about him snoring, Danny extends a hand to grab his cellphone and turns the camera on. He lefts it on his bedside table. If he is really snoring, he will hear himself. And if he isn't, he is going to be able to tell the others that he isn't a tractor!

Or he may discover something else…

Because the next day, in free period, he listens to his recording whilst working on his biology essay and gets stopped in his work after half the period. What the heck was that noise? Like someone gasping for air. He rewinds the video again. All he can see if the darkness of the room, of course, but he hears it. The sounds, like someone jumping from asleep to awake in an instant. Frowning, he resumes his listening but nothing more can be heard. In French, he subtly continues to listen, one earplug in. And there it is again. That sound! On the last period of the day, he has English and he hears it again. Three times in like five hours? This time, there is more. Bending over to be hidden from view, Danny presses the other plug to his ear. Sniffs and soft and quiet sobs. That's what he hears.


	5. Chapter 5

Fifth position

Danny drops Dougie at the studio after school, he has a class. He didn't say a word about what he found out today because of last night's recording but damn he wanted to! Especially when he saw Dougie almost dozing off in the backseat of the jeep.

''Nice talking to you'' sends Danny when the blonde jumps out, his bag on his shoulder. He hasn't talk at all since they left school.

''You're mean'' chuckles Elliot, shaking his head.

Danny drives out of the parking lot and on the boulevard leading to Loli's house.

''Does he talk to you at all?''

''Sometimes…'' sighs Danny. ''It's not like we have a lot in common.'' That's true, they don't seem to have anything in common actually, apart from being 17 yo guys.

''He hasn't even been here for a week'' adds Elliot. ''Give him some time to open up.''

The brunette stays silent. Yeah… open up. Even if he did, what would they talk about? The nightmares he apparently has at night? The fact that he has no family? No money? No friends? That he obviously thinks he is crap?

''I don't need another friend anyway'' whispers Danny. ''Especially not one like Dougie.''

''What do you mean, like Dougie?''

Danny shrugs. What does he mean? A guy that has secrets and a boat load of issues. That smells like… whatever.

''What does he smell like?'' demands Danny without thinking.

''Euh… I don't know, sir mcweird, what is that question?''

''Dunno'' blushes Danny. That's what happens when you start to care! You ask yourself stupid irrelevant questions!

He drives Elliot home and the guy gives him a strange look when he gets out of the jeep.

''What?'' grumbles Danny.

''You are a nice guy, Dan, you know that?''

''Shut up…''

''Even though you don't want to, you are so like your parents…''

Rolling his eyes, Danny backs out the driveway. Yeah, he starts to care about people and then he gets attached and then they leave and then he misses them… He doesn't want to start with Dougie. He is… too old. Too…You can get attached to little kids and all that, feel protective and all that crap, fine, but Dougie… there is a line that Danny can't cross. You can't care about a 17 years old guy. Danny doesn't want to go too far.

''Too far? What the hell does that even mean?'' mumbles Danny, once in front of his house.

Three hours later, Dougie gets back. Danny is washing the dishes with his dad. Dougie drops his bag near the stairs to the basement. His shirt is wet again and his skin is glistering.

''Hard training?'' asks Leslie.

''You look cute all wet like that'' adds Xio.

''Xio!'' yells Danny. ''Control yourself.''

''I think it's funny'' counters Danny's mom, walking from the living room. ''How did your training go?''

Danny watches Dougie. His bangs are stuck to his forehead and he is blushing a little. That guy doesn't like compliments, that's for sure. Or it's just that they come from a 13 years old girl. Danny sends an evil glare to Xio.

''Why don't you go take a shower, I'll heat your dinner up?'' offers Danny's mother.

Dougie nods and soon enough, they hear the water start downstairs.

When he has eaten, he gets back down to the room, where Danny is playing a game on his computer.

''Loli, give me a break here'' he laughs. ''Stop killing me.'' There is a pause and Danny laughs again. ''I am nice with girls, that's why you are still alive!''

Without thinking, Danny turns around to look at Dougie, to see if he acknowledged the joke he just made. But Dougie is deep in his homeworks already. On his stomach on his bed, his brows are furrowed. He sighs and caresses his chin a second before writing something down. Then, he bites the end of his pencil, rubbing his eyes. That gestures makes Danny remember about what he heard on his cellphone. Damn, he's good-looking...

''Dan?'' says a voice in his ears. ''You still there?''

''Yeah'' coughs Danny and Dougie lifts his head. Damn… grey eyes alert. Soon, they are back on the book page. ''I was just… uhm… thinking.''

''Doesn't happen a lot'' chuckles Elliot. ''I get that you need time, boy.''

''Shut up. Let's play.''

Less than an hour later, Danny sees Dougie walk pass him. He is only wearing a pair of boxers. The same old ones… « Does he have more? », wonders Danny. « I have like twenty. »

Dougie brushes his teeth and goes to bed. Danny follows him with his eyes. Does he know he has dimples in his back, near his bum? That's fucking sexy…

''What the fuck?'' lets out Danny out loud.

''What?'' asks Dougie. ''You died again?''

Danny refocuses on the room, the bed Dougie is in and understands that the blonde is talking about computer games. Danny nods and turns around. He can't believe he just thought that… Dimples are sexy, fine, but not on a guy. He finds them sexy on girls, that's all. Dougie reminded him of… of a girl? Dougie isn't a girl. At all. Danny likes soft hair on a girl, doesn't mean he likes soft hair on a guy. Right? Same for the long fingers and the smooth skin. He doesn't like guys, he just likes... dimples. It's not the same at all.

« I need to go out a bit more » decides Danny. He needs to hook up with someone. Luckily, there is this party at Corey's next Friday night…

Danny takes his helmet off and turns to Dougie again. He is under the covers, his head to the opposite wall. His breathing his regular. He must have been really tired… Once more, Danny thinks about the noises he heard from last night. Was he really crying? In his sleep or laying there awake alone? He really doesn't like to think that Dougie was crying. Because it would mean that he had something to cry about and it sucks.

Danny gets under his own covers and turns off the lights.

He might have slept less deeply that night because he is woken up by a gasp. He opens his eyes, only to see Dougie sitting on his bed, hands in his face. The blonde looks at the ceiling and shakes his head before laying back down.

When Danny is woken up again, day is starting to peak through the window. Same thing happens. Dougie looks at the ceiling and turns on his side, bringing the covers back up. It's nightmares, isn't it? Danny watches him again in the dim light of the room before falling asleep again.

When he wakes up again (to his alarm this time), Dougie isn't in his bed. Why the hell did Danny checked that first, he doesn't know. He gets dressed, walks upstairs to make the girls breakfast. It's Thursday.

''Dougie is cooking!'' announces Leslie when Danny arrives in the kitchen.

''Trying to'' grumbles the blonde. He looks around in the kitchen, he looks lost.

And tired, notes Danny. He has circles under his eyes, they never left since he came here. What is keeping him awake at night?

''Let me deal with that, you're gonna burn down the house.''

Danny takes the fork from Dougie's hands and takes place in front of the stove. His back brushes Dougie's front and the blonde swallows. No contact please! Danny is just too hot for Dougie's head. He can't help stealing glances all the time, he's going to get caught at some point!

''You look tired'' subtly says Danny once in the car.

There is a long silence and the brunette turns to Dougie at a red light, waiting. ''Well… I have a lot on my mind.''

''Like what?''

Dougie shoots him a look. ''Like wondering what the hell is up with you and those stupid questions.'' His tone is harsh and Danny gets the message: Dougie and subtlety don't go hand in hand. More: Dougie and caring doesn't work either.

''Listen…'' starts Danny. ''I heard you, OK? Waking up at night and…'' He trails off, Dougie knows what he means.

The blonde remains silent. What does he know? Did Dougie talked in his sleep? Did he hear him cry? That would be the worst thing ever… They are approaching their school now.

''So?'' asks Danny.

''So what?'' snaps Dougie. ''I have nightmares, what do you want me to say? Come on, take what you know and make fun of me, I don't give a shit.''

''I'm not going to… Maybe if you talked to…''

''To who? You? Someone that is so deep in a bright fluffy world that he thinks he can cure everyone? You're eleven years too late, rich boy. Ah, seventeen years too late even!''

Danny has stopped at a crossing passage, just before the parking and the car behind him is honking but he doesn't give a shit. He can't stop looking at Dougie, who, pissed off and angry, grabs his backpack, opens the door.

''What…'' starts Danny but he can't finish is sentence; Dougie is outside and walking rapidly towards the school.

Dougie is fuming. He doesn't need sympathy! Or pity! Or kindness! Or… bloody blue eyes and freckles! Danny can't help! Who does he think he is? God? Some part of Dougie though… it wishes that Danny could help. Cure everything, all the memories… But he can't.

Second period of the day is sports and guess who Dougie meets in the locker room? Jose and his bunch of goons who thinks farting is the epitome of funny. Dougie looks around for a toilet but it's occupied. He wants to change in private, he doesn't want to see bodies… male bodies especially. It has been a week since he arrived at the Joneses' house and… well… he didn't have a moment of quiet to… you know… release himself. Staying in the middle of twenty other guys, half naked guys, might be too much for him to handle. Rolling his eyes at himself, Dougie starts to undress. Seriously! He can't control himself, what are those thoughts? He is strong. He is in control.

A laugh rejoins his ears. Danny. Dougie would recognize that laugh everywhere now. He turns around, only to see Danny with one of his friend, that Corey guy, opening a locker not too far away. The brunette catches Dougie's eyes and his smile dies on his lips.

''What happened with you two?'' asks Corey.

''Nothing, what's that question?''

''You just look guilty as hell'' shrugs the other.

Danny wrinkles his nose. Guilt? Is that the feeling he has had in the pit of his stomach since this morning? But why? He feels bad, that's for sure… He would have loved to know what is waking Dougie up but… he feels bad for even asking.

Once in the gymnasium, the teacher tells them she will measure their strength today with various test. Dougie is quite glad she doesn't ask them to play whatever sports in teams. He hates teams. One person is always left out. And it's always him. He is left alone. In the cold. On stairs. With snow falling on his face. And the night… Dougie shakes his head, repressing an unwanted shiver. It's not the place and time to think about this. Never.

The class passes slowly. Basically, the teacher asks them to go one by one do an exercise. Push ups, pulls ups, jumps, stretching exercises and she records them in her little booklet.

When Dougie's turn arrive and the lady asks him to stretch his legs the more than he can, Dougie hesitates. He doesn't want people to notice how flexible he is. Jose stayed silent so far, he doesn't want to give him an opportunity to open his mouth.

''Jump first'' demands the teacher. And Dougie jumps. ''I'm sure you can go higher, you didn't even take an edge.'' With a sigh, Dougie jumps for real. ''Attaboy. Look at that, we have a kangoroo here.''

Some people laugh in the class but not Danny. He just noticed that when Dougie blushes, his neck becomes red a little as well. It's kind of cute. No, not cute. Danny sighs, annoyed by his thoughts.

''We have a fag, you mean'' chuckles Jose, not too far away.

The teacher didn't seem to ear, but Dougie did. His gaze is on Jose but he soon catches Danny's and lower his eyes on the floor. Shame… He hates that feeling. It crawls on his spine, leaving marks. The idiot has every right to call him a fag, he is one after all but… Dougie wishes Danny wouldn't hear those insults.

The blonde is brought back to the present when the teacher asks him to stretch his legs. Without thinking about what the other will say, he does so.

''OK, no improvement possible here'' laughs the teacher softly. ''Are you a gymnast or something?''

''Or something'' mumbles Dougie.

''He is a ballerina apparently. You know the type miss?'' demands Jose. ''The one with tights and penises in their butts.''

''Hey!''All eyes turn to Danny. ''Shut the fuck up before I make you shut up!''

''Oh yeah? And how?'' Jose crosses his arms on his big pectorals, a cocky smile on his lips.

''I am Danny Jones'' replicates the brunette. ''I may be lay back and all that shit but if I decide that you are an outcast in this school believe me when I say that it will happen.''

Jose's smile freezes and Danny knows he hit the spot. Everybody knows him, everybody wants to be him, that's no news and, even though he has never been really mean to anyone, he would be pleased to start with someone like Jose…

Driving home, Dougie is mute. Danny was hoping… He doesn't know what he was hoping really. A thank you maybe? A sorry?

''You are really mad at me for caring?'' Danny sighs finally.

Dougie turns to him. ''Caring leads to suffering…'' he whispers.

''Not all the time…''

''Depends of the world you live in. Carebear land or reality.''

Danny turns in the street where the dance school is. Dougie has a class in twenty minutes and is teaching one afterwards. Danny is starting to understand that, for Doug, dancing is like playing football for others. He thinks about it all the time, he works for it all the time too.

''You know that's a bit insulting'' finally says Danny. ''I live in the real world.''

''No, you don't. You don't know pain. Real pain. Desperation. You know how to spell it but you never tasted it. That's good that you were protected, Danny but damn you are so… ignorant.''

''Hey!'' objects the other, stopping the car in front of the dance school. ''I took your defense today, jackass. Again!''

''And who asked you to? Not me, your guilt did. You have it all, remember what you said to that douche bag? You can crush him bla bla bla… You think I can let go of years of fears and… and shame by talking to you? You obviously never feared anything so deeply that you can't breathe. You think that a few words towards a moron are going to make me feel better? What about the words I hear inside, oh great Danny Jones? What about that night when I was six. And those other nights with I was seven. Or that thing that happened when I was nine? Or eleven, or thirteen? And then that other time… And this?''

Dougie extends his left wrist to Danny who has only time to see a fine line running along a vein before Dougie withdraws his hand. Is that what he thinks it is?

''I don't need your pity! Or your help!'' Dougie is almost screaming now. ''You don't get it, don't you? You are just realizing how fucking lucky you are, aren't you? And you feel bad about it? Well, guess what? Trying to help the worthless peace of shit that lives with you won't make you feel more human. You might think you have power… welcome to the real world… you don't. You can't erase this.''

Dougie bends his wrists again and it seems to Danny that there are indeed scars there. Very pale though. Dougie points the dance school windows. ''That! This place… That can help, nothing else. They say the road to Heaven is paved with good intentions'' sighs Dougie ''but you are wasting your time here. You won't earn a gold star from me, Danny. Some things can't be fixed.''

Dougie opens the jeep door and gets out. He is about to close the door but seems to change his mind and sighs again: ''Sorry I woke you up…''


	6. Chapter 6

First position, again.

Danny hears a gasp but he remains still. Dougie just woke up again. Like he did numerous times since that… that fight they had last week. Eight days ago to be precise. They haven't talked since. Well… some yes, no, thank yous but nothing else. Somedays, Danny doesn't even hear the sound of Dougie's voice, he is so quiet…

As Danny is about to fall back into sleep, he hears some ruffling. Dougie is getting up to go in the corner of the room. He started doing that last week: walking to the corner, sitting in a little ball against the wall and sleeping there.

Danny didn't dare ask why or say that he knew Dougie was doing it. He still has in mind those words Dougie said, those scars he saw on Dougie's wrists.

When the sun finally gets up, Danny is already awake. He stops his alarm before it goes on and hesitates a moment. He has to wake Dougie up even though he wished he could let him sleep as long as he could but… school. And parents… If they don't go up soon, either Danny's mom or dad or his sisters are going to come down and then find Dougie in a corner…

Danny kneels in front of the blonde and can't help but brush his hair from his forehead. Turned on the side, his face is mostly hidden from view. Danny takes his hand away, looks at his fingers. He feels tingles. They are running up his arm. Dougie has really soft hair. He smells like…

The blonde lifts his head a little, blinks a few times. ''Wake up'' softly says a blushing Danny. ''It's time to go to school.''

He gets up and walks to the wardrobe. He sees Dougie stretch and hears his bones crack. That must be so uncomfortable! Danny grabs a few clothes and goes to the bathroom.

Dougie watches him leave the room, more ashamed than ever before. Danny saw him in the corner? How pathetic… He must think he's a total nutjob… Dougie needs to sleep and it's the only time he can get away from the images. He would rather sleep in a bed but that is waking Danny up. And to be hot like that, Danny needs sleep… Dougie doesn't want to wake him up.

A sad smile climbs on Dougie's lips. He needs to stop looking at Danny that way. He is hot, but… at some point, you get over it, right? Danny isn't the first hot guy Dougie sees in his bloody life! As a dancer, he saw a few hot gay guys too. But Danny… he has something more. What? Dougie couldn't say… The only thing he knows is that Danny must be a good boyfriend somehow. Guys that shines are always a bit special and Danny… oh he shines!

That fact that he just woke Dougie up like that… without saying anything or asking anything or… the fact that he is trying really hard not to invade since last week. All that means a lot. But… in a sense, Dougie misses him. It's stupid, he knows it and he hates himself for it, especially since he has been here for two weeks only, but he misses the chats a bit. Danny is a nice guy after all. And he, Dougie, hurt his feelings.

Dougie gets dressed quickly and climbs upstairs. At the dinner table, the girls are babbling and Dougie eats in silence until Danny's mom, after her son's arrival, asks the two boys: ''What are your plans for this week end?''

''There is this party at Corey's…'' shrugs Danny.

His dad turns to Dougie and frowns. ''Are you going?'' He seems worried.

Dougie bites his lips and avoid eye contact when he replies: ''Maybe, I would like to.''

''No alcohol, remember?'' says Danny's mother.

Dougie nods. No alcohol. As if he ever drank a teardrop of that anyway… But they all assumed he did. They all assume a lot of things about him.

Later in the car, Danny can't help it and asks: ''You really coming tonight?''

''Of course not.''

''Why not? And don't say it's a bad idea…''

Dougie chuckles a little. ''It's not a bad idea… A bad idea would be to swim naked in a pool full of piranhas with steaks attached to my balls. Going to a party… is… wrong. I wouldn't know what do to do.''

''Why don't you try it?'' proposes Danny after a long silence.

''Why don't we drop it?''

Danny sighs. Fine… He watches Dougie draw small patterns on his thigh. ''What are you going to do then?''

''See some friends…''

Danny feels a cold shiver running through his spine. Friends? Dougie has friends? Is he jealous? What is that feeling? Scared? He feels really stupid all of a sudden. Dougie has people. He doesn't need a Danny that doesn't know how to care the right way!

''Good friends?'' Danny can't help it, he has to ask.

''You want to know if they are gangsters or whatever?'' Dougie is almost smiling and Danny shrugs. Busted.

''They aren't really… friends you know'' admits the blonde as Danny parks the car. ''We just… Don't tell your parents, OK?''

''Are you doing something illegal?''

''No'' This time, a small smile floats on Dougie's lips. ''We dance. Hip hop mostly, they aren't trained to do ballet… It's just that… the school I want to go to, you don't do hip hop there. My auditions will be ballet and contemporary and… I don't want your parents to think I am ungrateful and not doing all I can to get in… But I love hip hop too…''

''Hip hop…'' repeats Danny with a semi smile. ''That is not boring.''

''Ballet isn't boring either, OK?''

''Yeah… right.''

Dougie can't help but laugh. It's the first time in a week they have a conversation together and that Dougie laughs. Danny missed it.

''I won't tell but… they wouldn't mind, you know.''

There is a silence and Dougie is playing with his fingers on his lap again. Danny feels this urge… so strong, to touch them. A bit like this morning, he wanted… needed to touch Dougie's hair. But, this time, he says nothing and, his heart pounding, he opens the car door. The blonde follows.

''See ya…'' whispers Danny when Dougie walks away. What's his problem? There is caring and CARING jeez… What the hell is wrong with him?

That question is still unresolved when Danny and Dougie get out of the house that night. The brunette is about to say that it's funny to know that Dougie he can dance without tights but he says nothing. He needs to take some distance from this guy.

''You can drop me here'' says Dougie after a few minutes of driving.

''You sure?''

''If I can dance, I can walk, Danny'' smiles the other.

They exchange a look but Dougie quickly adverts his eyes. Danny is even hotter than usual, Dougie is sure you can see lust pour out from his pupils when he looks at him.

At the party, Danny dances, flirts, talks and laughs. As usual. But he doesn't take a girl upstairs. He wanted to, he said he should, remember? But… now, he doesn't really think it's a good idea. He keeps wondering what Dougie is doing. And imagine Danny with a girl, kissing or whatever and then Dougie popping up in his head with that question: what is he doing right now? That would be disturbing…

Danny leaves the party early and comes home.

''Where is Doug?'' asks his father, sat on the couch, watching a random nighttime movie.

''We parted during the night'' lies Danny. ''He was fine. No drinking.''

''Alright…''

''You want me to go look for him?'' The question was out of his mouth before Danny could repress it.

''No, I trust him to come back. I think he likes it here, doesn't he?''

His father's look is expectant, like if he wants Danny to tell him he is doing a good job. Danny knew taking care of foster kids was important to his dad but he seems unsure of his ability this time.

''I think so, yeah'' finally nods Danny.

''Good… I don't want him to run away and live on the streets again.''

''On the… what?''

Danny's father sighs and the brunette approaches. He wants to hear but he doesn't want to at the same time.

''He lived God knows where for almost a year when he was fourteen. We think it was up north a bit for most of the time, he crossed a few states. I just don't know, only him knows where he was. But he got arrested, brought back to El Paso.''

''Is that…'' Danny hesitates, feeling like he is crossing a line. ''Is that why he is in rehabilitation?''

''Not really'' the older man shakes his head and brings his attention back to the television.

Danny won't learn anything more tonight apparently. And he doesn't want to. The words Dougie said last week are turning in his head again and Danny feels like such a moron! He wanted to help, sure, he still wants to but thinking that a few nice words to Dougie and a few mean words to an idiot would help? That was pretty stupid. Plus… The less he does, the more Dougie seems at ease. He isn't use to being helped, that's obvious.

It's one in the morning and Danny thinks about going to sleep. He looks at his roommate's empty bed but this time, he knows he won't find him in the corner. Why?! Why the corner?! Why run away? Why rehabilitation? Why the scars?

Danny closes his eyes, laid on his mattress. Why caring so much… That's a good question, that applies to him. But he doesn't have a reply to it. Like he doesn't have a reply to any questions regarding Dougie Poynter. That's probably why Danny feels so attached to him. Because of all that mystery… Right? That the only reason?

Suddenly, Danny gets up, walks outside, to the garden shed. They have a lot of patio chairs, for when his parents are throwing parties and all. Chairs with cushions. Danny goes back to his room without being noticed; his dad has gone to bed. He places a cushion on the floor, another one against the wall. At least now, Dougie will be comfortable. A little.

It seems like a long time before Danny finally hears steps over his head. He was barely staying awake but he wants to be sure Dougie came back. After what his father had said, he was… yeah, kind of scared. And really scared to be that scared...

Dougie seems surprised to see Danny still up. ''How was it?'' asks the brunette.

''Great.'' Dougie pauses, turns to the other. ''You want to smell my breath or see if my shirt is damp?''

Danny smiles a little. ''I'll pass.''

''How was… uhm… your party?''

''OK, I guess.''

Dougie takes his shirt off. It's wet in the back. So he didn't lie? He really was dancing with other people? Danny wonders how you can do both hip hop and ballet? That not possible… But again, Dougie is special…

« Special? » sighs Danny within himself. Seriously? His head screams a loud « yeah, seriously! » when the blonde notices the cushions on the floor and turns to Danny, shock clearly visible on his face.

''I am sorry I don't have the right words'' says Danny. ''And that I can't make everything go away.''

Dougie bites his bottom lips. Is Danny hallucinating or are his eyes watery? The blonde sighs and points the corner. ''You have the right gestures.''

With that, Dougie goes to his bed. Danny turns off the light and lays back, trying really hard not to question the happy swelling of his heart.


	7. Chapter 7

Second position, again

When he wakes up, Dougie doesn't feel this pain in his coccyx. All thanks to Danny's kindness. It has been four days since he proved himself to be way more than just a rich kid in Dougie's eyes. The blonde gets up and walks to the bathroom but is stopped by a… yeah, a heavenly vision.

Danny is laying on his bed, in boxer briefs, the covers are half on the floor, half over his right foot and leg and he is hard. Like an iron bar. His penis is tenting the fabric of his brief and, even though he knows he shouldn't, Dougie stares. He can feel himself harden just looking at Danny. Walking to the chest of drawers, he kneels down and ever so slowly manage to pull out the magazine he hid there. He needs release. Now.

In the bathroom, his eyes wander on the pages as his hand wanders in his boxers, stroking his length. But soon enough, the images of guys are replaced by this view he had of Danny, just there… How he wishes he could have climb over him and kiss him, lick him everywhere… Eyes closed, Dougie continues his morning duty.

Danny blinks, slowly waking up. It's twenty minutes before his alarm, he slept really well! Looking in the corner, he notices that it's empty. Where is Dougie? He advises the closed bathroom door and sighs. He hasn't heard him cry in a week, that's good. No?

Feeling some straining down there, Danny passes a hand on his erection. That's what happens when you don't sleep with girls on a regular basis. You wake up with a aching erection… Suddenly, Danny freezes. Did Dougie see this? Oh my God, he hopes not!

On his mattress, Danny listens to the house's noises. Nothing, it's still too early. Nothing except this… yeah, this sound… fap fap fap or something like that… like if someone… like if someone was masturbating, yeah.

Instantly, Danny's erection starts to tingle and he feels this rush of warmth and stress run thought his veins. Dougie is jacking off in the bathroom? He has the right too, of course, but… « Damn, it's hot in here » thinks Danny. He listens and, without even thinking or meaning to, his left hand wraps itself around his base and he starts a slow up and down motion.

He can't help but wonder: how big is Dougie? Thick? He has that amazing body, would just be logical that he has a perfect penis to match it. And how would it feel like to kiss him? Would he let him?

From the bathroom comes a muffled moan and Danny wanks faster until another one escapes the closed door and that he knows Dougie must be orgasming. How does his face look like? How would it feel to be the one to make him feel pleasure? With that though, Danny comes in his hand, totally by surprise and he lays there panting and dumbfounded. What just happened?

He doesn't have time to wonder long, Dougie opens the door and Danny fakes sleep, a hand covering his privates and the sperm there.

Hastily, Dougie slides the magazine underneath the chest of drawers and gets dressed. That was good. Needed. It's not the real thing though. He never did it, never let anyone touch him. Taking a peek at Danny again, Dougie thinks that he would let Danny touch him. If he was gay obviously. And wanted something to do with a weirdo. Danny is special. Kind and protective as well, Dougie is just starting to get that.

When Dougie leaves the room for breakfast, Danny takes a deep breath in. What the fuck just happened? He looks at his fingers. In his palm, white semen is slowly starting to dry. He masturbated listening to Dougie masturbating? What the hell? That's so… so… so gay! Danny isn't. Gay. He likes girls. Sleeping with girls, flirting with girls, all that… But then why? Why the hell the thought of another guy jacking off was turning him on so much? The sounds that Dougie made… oh God… it's happening again! Danny can feel himself harden in his boxer briefs.

Rapidly, he gets up and go take a cold shower. Doesn't help much with the weirdness. It happened once, won't happen again, that's what he says to himself. But still, as he sits at the kitchen table, he is totally unable to look at anyone in the eyes.

The drive to school is silent. Usually, Danny and Dougie manage to talk a little, not much but still…

''Are you OK?'' finally asks Dougie. He sees Danny blushing and then nodding. ''Did I do something? I mean…'' Dougie stops talking. He doesn't know how to apologize properly. He shouldn't have said what he said a few weeks ago. Danny has been nothing but nice since he barged in his room. A bit reluctant, but who wouldn't be? Plus, this reluctance is gone now. ''I'm sorry I yelled at you.''

''You yelled?'' Danny frowns.

''The other day… I said you were ignorant and… I'm sorry.''

Wow. Danny pretends to concentrate on his driving but his mind is racing. An apology? Coming from the guy who hates Danny's life and luck and his attitude towards things? That's something he never expected. Like he never expected what happened to him this morning. Danny feels his cheeks turn red again.

''Yeah well… I am ignorant. There are so many things I don't get.''

Danny parks the car and gets out before Dougie has the time to say anything. He puts his backpack over his shoulder and the blondes finally escapes the jeep. Danny is weird this morning, thinks Dougie. He is usually smiling and tries to chat a bit but… he seems so… yeah, confused, right now.

''I'll tell you.''

The words are out of Dougie's mouth before he can think about pronouncing them. And he stands there in shock about what he just said and about what he wants to say. He never, never… talked about it.

''You tell me what?'' demands Danny.

There is a long silence and the brunette thinks either Dougie didn't hear him or he doesn't want to reply. But then an answer comes, very quiet. If Danny hadn't been waiting for it, he would never have heard it.

''The nightmares and why I… can't sleep in a bed alone. I'll tell you tonight.''

There. He said it. Instinctively, Dougie presses a palm to his chest. He feels constricted, as if he can't breathe but he knows what's coming. Tears. But there is no way he is going to cry in front of Danny. No way.

As they are about to get into school, Danny grabs Dougie's elbow. He wants to know, sure, but… somehow, he is afraid to know. Because it will obviously hurt. And then he will care. And then… He can't care about Doug, see what happened! And that fuzzy feeling in his fingers each time he touches him? That's not normal…

Seeing that Danny won't talk, Dougie frees himself and hold the open door for a few students before going in himself. He doesn't get lost anymore and he kind of likes school. Even though he still sucks at it.

''Come meet my friends'' says Danny's voice behind him.

''No.'' replies Dougie. ''Too much.''

Danny sighs as they part. Dougie always says « too much ». But what does that even means? Socializing would be too much? But he does it at dance school! And with his hip hop… Danny wrinkles his nose. Hip hop friends…

''Wow, jealous much?'' grumbles the brunette, head in his locker. ''You are a stupid moron...''

A voice near him makes him jump and he slams his head on the tablet in his locker. ''You talking to me?''

Danny massages his scalp, saying no to Loli. ''To myself.''

''And what provoked that negative declaration?'' asks Elliot, raising an eyebrow.

''Dougie.''

''Surprise, surprise. What happened?''

Danny hesitates. He tells everything to Loli. Everything. Why wouldn't he? Elliot is his best friend, has been since they were both eating sand from the sandbox thinking it was haute cuisine… But now, that? He can't tell him. « Oh hey, I heard a guy jack off and though it was so hot that I jacked off too. And I came! Whoo-hoo.'' No. He can't say that.

''Nothing.''

''Contradiction alert.'' laughs the other. ''You tell me when you want to, OK?''

Danny grumbles a reply. He hates that Elliot is so understanding… What would he say if Danny told him he is gay? What?

''I'm not'' blurs out Danny, really loudly.

''You're not what?''

Loli is watching him, a mocking look on his face. In the locker row, everybody is looking at him. Awkward.

''Nothing'' finally sighs Danny.

''You're turning into a schizophrenic'' laugs Loli.

Danny doesn't botter replying this time either. He isn't. A schizophrenic. Or a gay guy. Nothing against them, he just… he isn't part of that fan club, that's all. It's not because he did a gay thing that… He didn't do anything gay. He just jacked off. Dougie and him weren't even in the same room! That doesn't count, right?

All day, Danny repeats that to himself. He avoids looking at Doug when they have class together and ignores all of Loli's attempts in sports to make them talk together.

On the drive back home, Elliot is still the only one talking. Corey and another girl are kissing in the back seat and Dougie, for once in the front, moves his hand outside the window frame, letting it catch the warm wind of the nearby desert.

Dougie is tensed. He knows he has training and then he is teaching two classes back to back but he is dreading the moment of going home already. He should never have made this offer to Danny. He was just so… scared that the brunette was mad at him…

Dougie frowns, bringing his hand back in the car. He is starting to feel like he needs Danny's presence. It soothes him. He never really needed anyone in his life. Apart maybe that old lady four years ago. And see how it turned out? He ended up alone and more broken than ever. He can't need anyone, he isn't good for anyone.

''Here you go'' softly says Danny, bringing Dougie back to reality.

''Thanks…''

When the door closes, Danny sighs. That was stressful! And they didn't even exchange a word! He feels someone hitting his seat and, soon enough, Loli is sitting next to him. He buckles his belt up.

''Couldn't stand them two in the back munching on each other's faces'' he says. ''Ow!''

Danny smiles. Corey, pushed the seat in response. Backing up in the street, he sees the couple kissing in the rear-view mirror and he wonders. Did he ever wanted that? Being really together with someone? His few relationships lasted about two weeks… The other were one night stand or one week-end passades. Being in a relationship with a girl? Nah… With a guy?

Danny shakes his head. Of course not, why does he even think about that?

He drops Corey and Sanaya at his friend's house and Elliot at his.

''You're not gonna tell him what is bothering you?'' he asks.

''You said that if I wanted to talk, I could come and find you. I didn't come and find you, did I?''

Loli chuckles. He gets the message: leave me alone. With a punch on Danny's shoulder, he escapes the jeep.

All night, Danny finds himself waiting for Dougie. He comes in his room after dinner and looks at the cushions. He gets up and sits there. The little corner smells like Dougie. For real! But it's so uncomfortable!

When the clock turns nine, Danny starts to wonder where he is. His classes ended at seven! That's when the door, upstairs, open. Hastily, Danny gets up from his bed and climbs the stairs. His mother is talking to Dougie.

''I thought we agreed that you would come back directly from class?'' The blonde bites his lips and nods. ''Where were you?''

Dougie shrugs. ''I walked around. I needed time alone to…'' he lifts his head and catches Danny staring from the stair case ''… think.''

''Call next time, understood?''

The blonde nods and walks towards Danny, who backs down the stairs and into the bedroom. He sits on his bed and waits. For what? He doesn't really know and then Dougie takes his shirt off. He was waiting for that, judging by the shiver that runs up his spine. What the hell!

Dougie sits on his bed, palms flat on the mattress, his eyes on his knees and he sighs. Deeply. When he looks at Danny, his eyes are glassy. ''I walked for like two hours trying to get the emotion out, I don't want to cry like a moron'' mumbles Dougie. ''Doesn't seem to have worked really well.''

''I don't want to know.''

Dougie burst out in laughter and Danny frowns, surprised. It's the first time ever he hears him laugh like that. What a beautiful sound… but it doesn't make sense right now. Why is he laughing?

''Bullshit'' finally replies Dougie. ''You are dying to know but… you're acting all kind and generous again… Am I right?'' Danny shrugs. Yeah, he is. ''That's why I need to tell you. So you'll get why you need to be nice to me…''

There is a long pause and Dougie strokes the fabric of the bed. ''Everything scares me, Danny. Everything. But there are two things I can't think about without feeling myself crack on the inside. This…'' Dougie points the ceiling. ''And something else, but I can't talk about that.''

The blonde looks at the ceiling again. « Don't cry » he orders himself. He never told anyone about this. They knew a bit, he kept all the truth to himself.

''I was six and… Let's start over. My mom was a prostitute and my dad was something like a pimp or a tiny drug dealer, I don't know. I was too young and he never wanted to see my face anyway…''

Dougie takes a small intake of breath as Danny can only sit there, a few feet from him, already shocked. What kind of parents did he have? ''My dad was always drunk or high and he never did much in the house, apart from smashing stuff when he was enrage and my mom… she worked all night, you know so… I learned to cook and clean and all that and when I started school, I was going alone and coming back alone and my mother would be either sleeping or out already and he… he would be passed out or tripping somewhere.'' Dougie whips his forehead, he is sweating like crazy. He never though he would say all that though… ''One day, it was just before school ends for the summer, I came home and I was alone in the place. So I cleaned up you know and cooked some food. Well, pastas, that's all we ever had. That and peanut butter. Anyway, I watched TV, took a bath and still no signs of my dad or my mom with a client. That's when…''

Dougie swallows. The words don't want to get out… All along, he has been looking at the floor in between his two legs and he doesn't dare move his eyes from there when he says: '' I came in my room and he was there. My dad… hanging from the ceiling… We had like… we had…'' The blonde lets out a shaky breath. ''We lived in a basement, and there were pipes in the ceiling and I guess he got on my bed with a stool or whatever and he hung himself and I was there, I don't know how many hours later, looking at him. He was dead. And I screamed. So loudly that people from the other apartments came…''

Once again, Dougie wipes his forehead with his arm. He isn't crying. That's a fucking miracle… ''He got dumped somewhere, my mother didn't have money to bury him. My mom… she didn't want me to see the customers and it was a small apartment and she didn't want us to move so… She forces me to sleep in my bedroom but… it was so scary. I kept seeing him there, hanging, slowly rocking, with his blue face and red fingers and… I dream about that all the time. I dream that he comes back and re-enacts the scene or that he falls on me… That's why the corner is safe. I am far from the bed and he barely never comes in the corner in my dreams. It was my safe place when I was six and I can't help it now either. And… yeah, that's enough.''

Dougie exhales forcefully and covers his eyes with his hands. He is shaking. But not as much as Danny. As the story was unfolding, he started to back up the bed a little. So much that he finds himself near his bedhead when Dougie stops talking. He wants to go to him, to say something, but nothing seems to come to his mind.

Their eyes finally meet. ''Don't cry for that'' tries to smile Dougie to Danny.

''I am so…'' Danny can't finish his sentence. ''Saying I am sorry won't change a thing. I don't know what to do with you.''

Dougie chuckles and feels a tear run down his cheek. Felt good to say all that. ''I am tired'' he says. ''I am going to take a shower and sleep, I think…

''OK.''

Once the water is running, Danny exhales slowly. What just happened? What is that fucked up day? He is exhausted. Too much thinking, too many feelings… And what Dougie said. How horrible… Danny didn't live it and he is scared shitless.

When Dougie gets out of the bathroom, his eyes are so red, even from a ten meters distance, Danny would have known that he cried. But they both say nothing and Dougie climbs into bed. Danny realizes that his muscles are aching, he hasn't move for a while. He stretches and gets undressed rapidly.

Across the room, Dougie is looking at the ceiling and he turns to Danny when he hears him get under his covers. The brunette turns the light off and silence falls into the room.

''Earlier…'' starts Danny. ''You said that… that you would tell me why you wake up and can't sleep in a bed alone… You said that this morning.''

''Yeah…'' Dougie's voice is only above a whisper. ''I told you.''

''I know but… if you need…'' Danny hesitates. He doesn't know if he says this because of that confused feeling inside of him or because he cares a lot about Dougie. Maybe both. ''If you need someone to sleep with you, you can come in my bed, you know.''

''I can't.''

''Why not?''

''Too much.''


	8. Chapter 8

Third position, again

Dougie is concentrating on his maths, on the senseless equations. He has a test tomorrow and he is failing so far. He has to get that one.

Danny, on the other side of the room, is playing a computer game with Loli. From Danny's parents, Dougie learned that Danny was a crack at maths and science so he doesn't really need to study. Not at all even. But he, Dougie needs to. A lot. He missed a year of school and managed not to fail exams because he was good before but then, after that… it went downhill. It's like he always is playing catch up with topics because he missed so much and then was in a place where people were way more preoccupied by avoiding fights between pupils than teaching them about geography.

''I quit for tonight'' says Danny. ''It's getting late and I am tired of kicking your ass.'' There is a pause and then Danny chuckles: ''You got me, I am tired.'' Another pause. ''What do you want! I am boring, I like to go to bed early.''

Finally, Danny takes his helmet off. He shuts down the computer and Dougie refocuses on his maths when Danny turns to him. It has been only a week since he told him about his dad and, since then, Danny changed. Not much, just a little, a tiny bit… He seems to look at him a little longer when they talk, he seems shaken by what he learned about Dougie and his family. They haven't talk about it though but, at least, Dougie feels that it's out of the way. Danny doesn't wonder anymore why he acts like a weirdo and sleep in a corner. But there are still so many things Danny doesn't know! What happened with his mom or with this old lady or why he ran away or why he has scars on his wrists… And Dougie keeps wondering what the brunette is thinking when he eyes linger on him for a bit longer than before. Does he want to know it all? Can Dougie find enough courage to tell him? Does he want to?

''I am going to bed, OK?'' softly says Danny. Dougie and starts to close his books. ''I can sleep with the light on, don't worry. Take your time.''

The blonde sends Danny a relieved smile. He needs to study really badly. All night if that's possible.

And all night it is. When Danny turns around on his bed hours later, half asleep, he notices instantly that the light is still on. The alarm clock indicate 2h14 AM. He lifts himself up on the bed. Dougie is seated on his own, Ipod in his ears, math book on his lap.

Danny gets up to sit on Dougie's bed, who jumps, surprised. ''You're not done?'' asks Danny.

''I need to nail this bitch tomorrow. And so far, I am not passing my own nightly exam…'' Dougie yawns. ''Did the light wake you up? I can stop if you need me to.''

''Need help?''

The blonde opens his mouth. He is about to say no but the words get caught in his throat. He needs help. And not just in maths but let's not go there. If he fails, that means not diploma, not NY, no dance career…

''Yes, please…''

''Come on my bed'' orders Danny. He gets up and turns around before realizing what he just said. That sounded… very intimate. Not that he would mind… Yeah, he would mind! He doesn't like guys, OK? What happened last week was a one time deal. « Maybe but you still can't stop thinking about it and it makes you feel tingly inside ». Danny shakes his head, grabbing his backpack from the floor. He isn't tingly.

Hesitating, Dougie gets up as well and takes place on Danny's bed. In more than a month, it's the first time he sits on it. It's still warm… Or it's because Dougie's cheeks are burning, he couldn't say… It smells like Danny. Safe.

''Are those your tests?'' asks Danny, noticing a pile of papers on Dougie's bed. He takes them before the blonde can object. 50%, 42% 67% ... Danny sends a look at the guy on his bed and, even though he knows he shouldn't, even though he feels confused about it, his heart skips a few beats. How he wished Dougie had said yes to sleep with him! Just sleep.

''I know I suck'' apologize Dougie, bringing Dougie back to the present. The brunette takes place next to the other and goes through the test.

''Why didn't you tell me you had trouble? I couldn't have helped before.''

''Don't you think you are doing enough…''

It's so weird being on Danny's bed! Dougie can't help but fantasize about what could happen there and he tries so hard to restrain himself to think of Danny this way but… man, it's difficult. Especially when he is looking back at him with that face. Gently, carefully…

Dougie can't help but say: ''I lost a year when I was fourteen and since then, I suck at school. If I don't pass…''

''I get it'' whispers Danny, touching his forearm. ''I'll help as much as I can. No reason a genius of dance can't go to New York to study in a prestigious school.''

''You've never seen me dance'' notes Dougie on the same tone.

''Well, someday I will, right?''

''Wait Elliot'' says Danny as the two guys are leaving math class the next day. As soon as you were finished, you could get out and Dougie is still in there. Danny wants to be sure it was a good exam for him too.

''Let me guess'' says Loli. ''Doug?''

''He has trouble'' shrugs Danny.

''Uhm.''

''What is that supposed to mean?''

''Nothing. See you later.'' Elliot wiggles his eyebrows before smacking his shoulder and walking away. « He is weird » thinks Danny. Well, that's no big news. That's what he loves about him: that he is a bit strange, that he doesn't want to fit at any cost.

When the bell rings, Danny is still next to the door but he is seated. Dougie gets out last and Danny has to lift his eyes to meet his face. But, doing so, his pupils have to climb up his body, the skinny jeans, the tank top, the honey colored skin, the... tasteful mouth and then, he catches the grey eyes.

"There was just a question left" says Dougie.

"That's better than half the exam."

"True." The blonde holds out a hand and Danny takes it to get up.

Dougie struggles to let go of the fingers once the brunette is on his feet. Feels good... He almost wonders what it would be like to have a boyfriend. Like... someone that cares, that what to take care of you, that know who you are...

Dougie lets go of Danny's hand. What is he thinking about!? That will never happen! He promised himself he would never get hurt again and, now that he has a certain control on his life, having a boyfriend could just bring some pain again. Plus, he would have to tell him a lot of things. Why he lived in the streets, what's the story with Helena, why he has those scars. And especially what happened with his mother. That's never gonna happen.

"You Ok, Doug?" frowns Dougie, hands on the other's shoulders.

"Tired."

"I bet" chuckles Danny. "You haven't slept at all."

"Thanks for helping me."

"Anytime. Now let's grab lunch and go over the exam together, what do you say?"

"I don't want to eat with your friends, how many times are you going to ask me?"

A soft smile is floating on Dougie's lips and Danny can't help but reply to it. "Who talked about eating with them?"

He winks at Dougie and opens the way. Oh. The blonde follows, uncertain. He got used to eat alone, how weird will it be to have lunch with someone else? Well... he was used to be alone, period. And Danny and his family changed that...

Danny gets to the cafeteria. He can't believe he winked! How lame...

They grab sandwiches and water and go outside to sit under a tree. As they do so, Dougie can feel eyes on them. Why? He knows why! Because people are calling him a fag and Danny is a God. Literally. He has probably been eating with his friends since like... forever and now the most popular guy in school is eating with his reject project.

"Why the frown?" asks Danny, his mouth full.

"You're oblivious, heh?" can't help but smile Dougie.

"To what?"

"Never mind." Dougie grabs his sandwich and they share a bowl of cheese and fruits as Danny asks questions about the exam «how did you solve that equation?» «What was your answer to that one?»

"I think you did pretty good for a tired guy" concludes the brunette.

"What?"

Danny starts to laugh. Dougie is laying in the grass, offering his face to the sun and he is dozing off. "You have time for a 20 minutes power nap" says Danny. "Starting now" he orders.

Dougie doesn't feel like arguing. He teaches a class tonight and he has plans to meet with a few guys to dance a bit so he needs to grab some energy. Too soon, Danny is shaking his wrist.

"We have gym, sleepy head." Dougie growls. "Yeah, I think the same" chuckles Danny. ''Come on''.

Just like before, but inversing position, one holds out a hand for the other to grab. Dougie rubs his eyes and Danny lets his eyes wander on the messy hair and the perfect jawline, a bit red because of the high sun. He would bet his computer that Dougie's skin taste like sunshine...

Blushing, Danny turns heels and they get to the gymnasium. Most of the guys are already changed when they arrived.

"Where were you at lunch?" asks Loli.

"Uhm..." Danny was about to say «nowhere». He was about to lie to his best friend. But Dougie and he weren't doing anything! Just eating and stealing glances and... Danny shrugs, avoiding the question. He noticed Dougie looking at him sometimes but it might be just in his head... plus he doesn't think Dougie is really gay.

Danny sighs loudly, annoyed. He isn't gay! Danny Jones isn't... Turning around, he sees Dougie in his boxer brief, about to get into his gym shorts, bending over. The curve of his bum is just... delicious.

"What the fuck..." mumbles Danny to himself. ''Get a grip..."

Loli walks in front of him, in silence. Danny hopes he isn't mad, that would be the cherry on top... He doesn't need a thing more to think about...

The last period of the day passes slowly and, as Dougie is making his way back to his locker, he notices that Jose is in the process of writing something on it again. People are chuckling around it. He arrives next to the door as Jose backs off, looking at his work of art.

DOUGIE POYNTER GETS FUCKED IN THE ASS BY DANNY JONES

"How do you like it?" demands the goon with a sly grin. "Pretty accurate, eh?"

Rapidly, Dougie passes a hand on the door. The ink, still fresh, follows the palm and the message gets erased. A bit. You can still get the idea of it.

"I wonder if Danny fucks every new kid his parents take in..." wonders Jose out loud. "Do you make orgies with the little sisters as well or are you both only into guys?"

Dougie promised himself he wouldn't fight. He promised himself he would stay calm if he encountered stupid idiotic morons in this school but this... Bringing Leslie and Xio into the conversation... Making disgusting assumptions about Danny? Dougie can't tolerate that.

Jose is taller than him, bigger and stronger but it doesn't matter when Dougie charges at him. He manages to surprise him with a few punches and people around sends surprised «Oh» and «wow» before the big guy takes the advantage and hit him a few times before pinning him against a locker.

"What the hell!"

Danny's voice approaches and Jose lets go of Dougie. Apparently, he still remembers Danny's treats from less than a month ago.

"What happened?" The brunette's eyes goes from Danny to Dougie and the crowd of people that is slowly starting to dissipate. People are really responding to Danny's aura or something, notices Dougie. Hastily, he wipes his locker again. "What happened" asks Danny to Dougie this time. "Your lip is bleeding."

Looking at the metal, Dougie is relieved to see that there is nothing left from the ugly message. He sees Loli looking at him, quite strangely. «Please, I hope he didn't see what was there» thinks Dougie, ashamed.

"Nothing happened. Smart talk."

Jose is massaging his jaw and he lifts both hands in rendition before eying Dougie and turning around. Danny turns to the other and his thumb is on his lip in an instant but the blonde backs off. "Don't touch me."

Danny freezes and takes his hand off. Dougie doesn't dare looking at him, he knows people around them are watching. His friend Elliot is watching.

"I'll join you at the jeep, OK?" he mumbles.

Dougie walks away hastily to the bathroom. His lip is burning, it's gonna show and Danny's parents are going to ask questions... Shit.

"What happened to his locker?" demands Danny, noticing the black spot on it.

"You are oblivious, aren't ya?" sighs Loli.

"What?"

""Come on..." Elliot shakes his head and Dougie follows, dumbfounded. Dougie told him the same thing earlier, about him being blind and now Loli? What is he missing here?

Dougie go wash his mouth from the metallic taste of blood and wets some papers to wash his locker. Won't prevent idiots to write FAG on it ten times a week but hey... he can at least try... He just hopes Danny won't get mixed up in the insults again. Danny is too... pure... he is too good of a man to endure things like that, he doesn't deserve it.

"Loli, tell me" urges Danny one more time, as they see Dougie approach from the distance. "Tell me what I am not getting!"

"It's none of my business" says the redhead. "You keep things from me for the first time in our life, Danny, you made this none of my business."

"You're mad at me, then?" Danny's voice is sad, he didn't want to make Loli feel left out of... of what? He doesn't even know! All Danny knows is that he is lost...

"I'm not" sighs the other. "Let's just say I think Dougie was defending you earlier."

The blonde is now close enough to hear so Danny doesn't say anything and they all jump in the jeep. Danny drives Dougie to the dance school. His lip is swollen and his cheek is red.

All night, Danny waits for Dougie to get home. He plays with Elliot on the computer but, each time Danny tries to apologize to his friend for not telling him Dougie and him were just eating lunch together, he finds himself not able to say the words. He feels guilty of something but he doesn't know what!

The door upstairs opens and, looking at the clock, Danny knows Dougie is back. He just finished a game with a few of the guys and he listens to the steps over his head. They stop in the living room and the loud voice of his dad asks: "Did you fight?"

Oh, oh. Hastily, Danny walks upstairs. "You promised, Dougie" is saying Danny's mother. "Haven't you got in enough trouble for fighting?" The blonde nods to the floor. "Tell me what happened."

"Nothing" he mumbles. "I was stupid."

"You didn't think, young man" agrees the Dad. "Remember juvenile detention?"

Danny frowns. What about that now? He wants to learn more but he sees Dougie bend the shoulder a bit more. Danny has to say something. "He was defending me."

The parent's eyes go from one teenager to the other. But not Dougie's. They stay on the floor. What does Danny saw? "I don't know what happened exactly but Dougie was just helping me. It wasn't a good idea but... he was there for me, dad."

"It's not a good way to be there for people, Doug" states the man. "No matter how much you think idiots deserve their ass kicked. Understood?"

The blonde nods and the mother sighs. "This can't happen again. If it does, we will have to make a report." Dougie nods again. "Go..."

Danny backs off to his room and, soon enough, Dougie enters it as well. He is silent, he doesn't want to cross Danny's eyes. He has taken a decision. He can't accept help from Danny Jones anymore. It feels too good and, at some point, the other is going to get tired of it and quit caring. And then Dougie will be crushed again. He is already starting to feel things he never though he would feel for someone... That's too scary.

But the real reason... is that them being friends is starting to hurt Danny as well. And he doesn't even know it. People talk and they say things and... Dougie is used to that, he has a shell but Danny doesn't. Being hit without protection is what breaks you. Dougie remembers all too well how he started to creak when he saw his dad and then how is heart got broken in many pieces and started to die little by little because of his mother. Insults are a little punch to the heart but still, Dougie doesn't want Danny to feel any of this. And for that, they have to take distance.

"How is your lip?" asks Danny.

"Stop doing that..." The blonde's voice is barely over a whisper. "I don't want to be your friend. I don't need to be taken care off, OK? I appreciate that you are helping but..." His voice breaks and he turns his back on Danny, changing into baggy pants and sneakers. "You helped me so much already and I thank you for that but... Stop caring. We will both be better off without... without any link."

Dougie nods to the floor, like if he is satisfied with his speech and walks back upstairs. Actually, he is just glad he said what he said. He didn't want to but it was obviously the thing to do... Now he can go meet Anton and Reese to dance all his pain away.

On his bed, Danny looks at the stairs. What just happened? He missed something again! First Loli that seems disappointed in him and then Dougie... They just started to be able to talk without anything weird between them two. They were starting to share something... Or was it just Danny that felt... He feels so many things! He doesn't understand anything! And Dougie thinking that Danny is... what? That he is doing too much?

Without even feeling it come, a tear rolls down Danny's cheek. And he lets it, he doesn't know what else to do.


	9. Chapter 9

Fourth position, again

Silence. That's what had been happening between Danny and Dougie since last Friday. Unease and guilty silence from both part.

Listening to Danny's soft breathing from his spot in the room, Dougie looks at his own bed. How selfish and ungrateful can he be? Danny was ready to help, always there in a shadow to bring a bit of light. Danny said he didn't know what to do but he managed to make the gestures that Dougie had been yearning for without even knowing it. And then the blonde pushed him away.

It's just that... he doesn't know how to trust people. Especially not people that don't know him. Danny might think he knows stuff but, in reality, he is in the dark about a lot of things. The first and closest to him is that Dougie is starting to fall for him. Like... fall for real. How... human is that? What do you do with that?

You retreat in yourself. That's what Dougie has been doing. That, he knows how to handle. Sweet feelings, he doesn't.

A ruffling noise makes Dougie's gaze switch from the wall to Danny. He is moving in his bed. Dougie is expecting him to go from his back to his stomach like he always does but Danny just seems to tense. Danny passes a hand over his face and a soft moan escapes his lips.

Hastily, Dougie gets up. No nightmares for Danny, never. Dougie approaches the bed. Danny moves again, he kicks the covers a little and Dougie swallows. He is topless as always but, no matter how many nights Dougie laid awake, close, he never got up to look at him closely, it would have been like crossing a red hot burning line.

Danny lets out something resembling a growl in his sleep and rubs his pecs rapidly. The sound was... strange coming from someone who is having a nightmare. But maybe Dougie sounds like that as well before he wakes up with a gasp? Plus Danny is so gentle and caring that Dougie is almost sure he can't scream.

Dougie presses a hand on Danny's forearm to stop it from moving. He brings his other one to Danny's forehead. He can't help pass his fingers in between the brown hair. Danny arches his back for a small second and Dougie brings his face close and whispers: "it's OK, let it go, I'm here."

Instantly, Danny relaxes and his body becomes less and less tensed, until he raises a hand to touch Dougie's on his own arm. The blonde resists the envy to leave his hand there and let Danny rub his skin gently but... that wouldn't be right. He takes away his fingers and goes to sit on his own bed. At least, Danny isn't moving anymore, he is sound asleep again.

Dougie presses a hand on his chest. He hates that pressure. Having feelings for someone hurts. At least, Danny isn't moving anymore, he is sound asleep again. Dougie lays back on his bed and he slowly drifts into sleep again.

***

"Get up, boys! Hello? Anybody alive?"

Danny lifts himself on his elbows, and advises Xio in between his and Dougie's bed.

"Alleluia, I will have a ride to school! Get up, we are late."

Danny looks at his clock. Shit! They are very late. Near him, Dougie is sitting up, from his bed. His bed? He slept there all night? Was he OK?

"Snap snap" says Xio loudly. "Stop looking at each other, us girls are ready!"

"Can you lower your voice?"

"Why? Are you hungover? No? Hurry old man."

She turns heels and stomps up the stairs. Danny falls back in the bed. And that's when it hit him. The memory of last night's dream. Wasn't a nightmare, wasn't a really good dream either. It could have been amazing, with Dougie touching him in his dream, his soft fingers tracing patterns on his skin and his lips sucking at his neck but... It looked to Danny like he was battling himself in his sleep. Like if his own mind was trying to prevent him a wet dream. Didn't work very well.

"What's up with Xio?" asks Dougie, stretching.

"Teenage girl" simple replies Danny.

"And what do you think you are?"

The brunette starts to laugh and sends Dougie a pillow, which he avoids, by ducking his head. He escapes to the bathroom with a chuckle. There is a silence before the water start running.

Danny gets dressed and, when Dougie is finish, the moment has passed. No more camaraderie. Just silence.

When Danny drops the girls at school, the classes have started. On the way to the other school, Danny wonders if he should break the truce or not. He finally demands softly: "Did you spend the whole night in your bed?"

"Mostly..." Dougie is still surprised he didn't wake up at least once after he calmed Danny. Since he is living at his house, quiet nights are rare and oversleeping? Never happened. Might be because he helped Danny a little, he felt at peace maybe?

As he parks the car, Danny sees Dougie rub a fist over his chest and a feeling of warmth climbs into Danny. He remembers a touch. A caress even...

"See ya" mumbles Dougie, getting out.

«I'm here»... Danny follows the blonde with his eyes. He remembers him sitting on the bed, soothing him when he was battling with his mind. «Let it go» said Dougie. It's not that easy. The more and more Danny thinks about it, the more and more it seems foolish to pretend that all that... this wonderful sun that seems to shine inside him has nothing to do with the word gay. But how could he be? You don't discover you are gay at nearly 18, that doesn't make sense.

Danny rushes to his class and notices Dougie is already there, looking at his desk. He's smiling.

"You are thirty minutes late. You know what it means, right, mister Jones?" says the teacher. "Thirty theorems for you to solve. That would go along the 21 mister Poynter has to do himself."

Danny slides on his seat. Who cares about theorems, he wants to know why Dougie seems happy.

"Where were you?" asks Andrea in his back.

"Sleeping."

"That's all?" wonders Elliot.

"What do you want us to do at 8 in the morning?" replies Danny, frowning.

Loli shakes his head and turns to the black board. What? Since last week, his friend has been a bit distant, like if he's trying to give him space and being a bit mad at the same time.

Danny turns his head to Dougie. A soft smile is still floating on his lips. Why? Danny gets the answer at the end of class as he leaves the room with Loli and Andrea.

"Mister Jones?" He turns around and receives a bunch of papers. Last week's exam. Instantly, he walks faster to reach Dougie in the hallway.

"How much?" he asks, waving his copy in the air.

Instantly, Dougie's smile appears wider but it freezes after only a second. There are so many people in the corridor... people that talk... Since his pseudo-fight last week, word of what had been written on Dougie's locker has spread and he heard a few more insults, noticed a few more people whispering. And he thought that putting distance between him and Danny was a good idea.

In front of the blonde, Danny is waiting and wondering. Why is he looking around like that? Is he scared of someone? Jose? Or waiting for someone?

"Doug?" demands Danny.

"I didn't score 98% like you, that's for sure." Danny chuckles, folding his exam in two. "Got 74."

"Really? That's awesome!" He grabs the exam Dougie his holding "I am a good teacher, aren't I?" he asks cheekily.

Danny licks his lips, starts to go through numbers. "You're good" softly replies Dougie, swallowing back his own heart that threatens to explode. How do you adjust to feelings? How is he supposed to know!

Elliot is watching. Andrea just got to her locker but he stayed behind to wait for his friend. Dougie's eyes catches Loli's and the blonde blushes 10 shades of red.

Did Elliot heard what he just said to Danny? Gosh, he hopes not... What is he going to say?

"We should study together again" is saying Danny, handling him back his exam. "Go through the mistakes..."

Through the mistakes? Danny is looking at Dougie so nicely, his freckles making his face shine. Or is it his smile? Or the messy hair or... He advises Loli behind Danny. Stop!

"I don't think so" mumbles Dougie before turning heels.

Danny looks at his feet. Every attempt to get a bit closer is failing and it hurts way more than he thought it should.

"Come on" orders Loli. "Let's get out of here."

"I have mechanics" frowns Danny.

"Not anymore."

Utterly lost Danny follows his friend out of the school and out of school property. He gets into a little cafe and orders for them both, since he knows what Danny is going to take. After ten years, he ought to know him by heart. Or he thought he did.

"What the hell is up with you?" demands Danny.

The redhead crosses his hands on the linoleum table and considers his friend a moment. ''Why don't you tell me what's up between you and Dougie?''

''Nothing at all.'' Danny represses the envy to say « sadly ».

''Then why are you always going about him?''

Danny shrugs. ''I care about people, you told me yourself that you knew I care. Well, you are right.''

''Never like that, Danny. Not even with your own sisters…''

The brunette wrinkles his eyes. What is that conversation? Is he starting to get pissed off by Elliot's professorial tone. ''Are you saying that I don't love my sisters?''

''No, of course not. It's just different. I've never seen you show some proper… I don't know… some proper caring, like if you always leave a wall or whatever.''

Danny waits for the waitress to be done bringing them coffee. ''I care about you, OK? Always have been and always will be.''

''I know'' replies Loli with a soft smile. ''It's just different with Dougie, isn't it?''

''How different? Heh, tell me that? He doesn't give a shit about me, he almost always turns down my offers to help, he barely talks to me at school, or at home, even when I want to know stuff about dance or a thing he adores.'' Danny takes a sip of his coffee. ''He is weird, I just don't get him. He is distant and then smiles and then is in fucking Alaska again. At school, it's like I'm not even there and last night… I was…''

''What?''

''I was having a nightmare or something and…'' Danny blushes, face in his drink. ''And he got up to calm me. I don't remember all but he was kind and he was totally different than the guy we saw in the corridor, the one who don't want my help.''

''Does it hurt? That he takes his distance?''

Danny lays his cup on the table roughly. He doesn't need someone else to ask questions, his mind is already working overtime because of all those feelings. He doesn't want his friend to know what's on his mind. ''Did you get me out of school just to ask stupid questions?''

Elliot lifts both hands in a sign of peace. ''Listen'' he says, sliding a bit on his chair ''the other day, when Dougie and Jose got it on in the locker row, I heard what it was all about and it's not pretty. Was about you.''

''Me?''

''Yeah. People like you, Danny, respect you and some fear you too I guess.'' Danny is about to object that he hasn't done anything to get feared but Loli continues without giving him a chance to talk. ''You have money, the looks, the girls, the car, the grades… and around you people feel inferior.''

''That's stupid…''

''That's not. I feel inferior sometimes even though you never intentionally make me feel that way.''

''Are you serious?'' Danny can't help the sad feeling that makes his heart sink in his chest. He isn't superior to anyone! Especially now, he feels like such a moron… with all those ideas in his head that he has trouble to accept.

''I know it's not how you see it but it's the way it is and it's fine with me. You're my best friend… But you need to realize that people are just waiting for you to make a mistake. To prove you are not as high as they placed you. And Dougie…''

Danny lifts his head at the sound of the name. He had been looking at his fingers, trying to make everything Loli said enter his reality. He makes mistakes… loads! He isn't like a saint or whatever, far from it. He sleeps around, he likes parties… Sure he has everything in order and he is quite lucky but that doesn't make him better than anyone else. Does it? Does Dougie feel that way? Gosh, he hopes not…

''Dougie is protecting you.''

''What? You're wrong, he defended me once for something I don't even know about…''

''Well, I know. People don't dare talk to your face. But they talk to Dougie, they keep insinuating stuff, laughing and all that. He stands up for you, that's what I know from others who heard. He fought Jose for you and I guess… I guess he just tries to stay far away from you just to be sure…''

''Be sure of what? He is alone with no friends. I offered him to eat with us a million times… he doesn't care.''

''They write FAG on his locker on a daily basis, did you know that? He gets laughed at and pushed around. He isn't blind, he knows how people respect you and are jealous at the same time. Everybody thinks he's gay because he's a dancer, what will people think if you hang together? That you are too and then what's going to happen?''

''I'll get FAG on my locker as well…''

''Bingo'' agrees Loli with a sad smile. ''I don't think Dougie doesn't give a shit, I think he does care. A lot. He's clever, he obviously knows how people think. He likes you.''

''I wouldn't go that far…''

Elliot chuckles. ''I won't say mean stuff to him, everybody live their lives as they want… It's just the way he looks at guys and how he lurks in sports and all that. I am pretty sure Dougie Poynter is gay. And the way he cares about you tell me that he has a thing for you, Mister Jones.''


	10. Chapter 10

Fifth position, again

Dougie had been watching his little students, correcting a feet, an arm, a hand on the bar. Teaching is fun. Rewarding even. The kids were giving him their best efforts and he likes the happy look on their faces when they manage a difficult position. Who would have known? That his heart would be able to dwell at the view of those kids? Dougie thought his heart was almost dead, only able to beat to keep him walking, not strong enough to care or make other people happy.

''But then Danny came along…'' thinks Dougie, walking home from his class. ''Blue eyes and a truck load of kindness.'' For the first time in his life, Dougie is thinking that someone could know all there is to him and still think he is worth something. Of course, he won't try to see if he's right.

When Dougie gets home, he finds Danny mom sitting at the kitchen table alone. He can hear the girls talk upstairs, it's almost bedtime.

''Ah, Dougie'' she smiles. ''Come and sit with me, OK?''

Immediately, his heart starts to beat faster. She is a social worker, and social workers always say stuff like that when they are about to turn your world upside down. They play nice and cozy and then they hit you with something like ''you have to move'', ''you can't do that anymore'', etc etc.

''We have an emergency tonight. Two kids, twins'' she explains. ''They aren't in the system, their mother is working with me but her husband got in a car accident today. He is OK considering but… I offered her to keep the kids so she can be with him at the hospital, you understand?''

Dougie nods. His heart isn't pounding, it just sank in his chest. ''So you don't have enough space for me anymore…'' he concludes in a whisper.

''What? No! That's not it! Dougie!'' He meets her eyes and she grabs his hand. ''You are staying until you go to college. Nothing will change that.''

He nods again and she doesn't have time to continue that steps can be heard in the stairs. Danny appears, topless, and leans on the doorframe. ''You told him?''

''Not yet'' replies his mother.

''You hungry, Doug?'' demands Danny, eyes on his feet. ''I make a mean grilled cheese with bacon…''

His mother laughs. ''He does.''

Dougie mumbles a quiet « thanks », his pupils on the wood of the table. If he lifts them, they will go on his abs or his shoulders, his lips… somewhere wrong.

''So… as I was saying'' continues Danny's mother. ''The boys are going to be here for a week or two at the most. We thought they could sleep in the playroom, you know but they are only five and… well… Do you mind if they sleep downstairs with you guys as they might get scared alone?''

Panic. An alarm button starts to ring somewhere inside Dougie. ''Where…'' He stops talking, he has no right to ask questions, he doesn't even understand why they are asking his permission for this…

''We thought you wouldn't mind sharing Danny's bed as it's so big and the boys could be in your bed. Just for a few weeks, I promise.''

From the stove, you can hear a metallic sound and Dougie looks at Danny. His cheeks are red and baking a grilled cheese seems like the most important thing in the world as he is so focussed. In fact, Danny is just scared everybody will see how he hopes Dougie will say yes and how ashamed he is of that wish.

''I can sleep on the floor'' murmurs Dougie. ''I wouldn't mind.''

''And remember you of concrete?'' softly asks the women. Dougie shrugs. ''Try it with Danny and see if you like it, OK?''

Does she realize how erotic that demand was? Jesus Christ! If Danny wasn't so shocked about the images that crossed his mind, he would have gotten a boner by now.

Dougie clears his throat, pretending he didn't hear the kinky sentence. ''Where are those two?''

''My dad went to pick them up'' explains Danny, coming closer with a plate. ''I'll be downstairs.''

As soon as he passes his bedroom door, Danny exhales. Just ten minutes here and there with Dougie are making him loose focus. He feels like he hasn't taken a breath upstairs. And his mother talking about them sleeping in the same bed again, that was too much. Since she told him earlier that night, he found himself with so many images in his head and shame crawling up his spine with long and painful nails.

He recalls the conversation he had with Loli two days ago and cringes. He isn't superior, he isn't the best, he isn't better than anyone… Danny strongly believes that but still, he kind of understand Elliot's words even though they seems pretty stupid at the same time. What he doesn't understand is how the other said Dougie liked him.

Since that talk, Danny has been watching him for signs of that truth and, even though Dougie has an intense way to look at him sometimes, it doesn't mean he is gay. And it surely doesn't mean he likes Danny. But all that thinking brought up the question… « Do I like him myself? » and led to a restless mind and a clenched heart trying to shut everything down.

But now they are going to sleep together…

Danny hears some steps over his head and then some more. His sisters might be sleeping at that time and the two new kids might be arriving. As he is starting to make his way up, Danny realizes that it's the first time that he isn't a bit resentful towards his parents for having such a big heart and messing his routine once again.

The kids are called Talon and Colin and they look scared as hell. Dougie gets that. Even though his situation isn't like theirs, he understands how frightening it is to arrive in a new place without warning. After people taking him with them and then looking at his file and seeing a bit of what happened with his dad and then his mother, and deciding that it was sure Dougie would have issues so it was too hard… and sending him back to the youth center… Or other parents seeing that he liked to dance more than anything wanting to forbid him to do so because they didn't want to raise a sissy and then… returning him back to the youth center again… Dougie has seen more of his share of families and new houses. He gets why the kids are scared.

''Those people here'' he says, kneeling down and pointing Danny's parents ''gave me a really good bed and they cook well. Him too'' Dougie adds, pointing Danny. ''Although he smells like a monkey.''

The two boys starts to laugh and Danny kicks Dougie softly on the knee. The brunette looks at his parents. His mother seems so in love with Dougie all of a sudden and his dad… yeah, he looks like a proud dad. This view makes Danny unease. Like if the closeness between Dougie and his parents is putting even more wrong on all those feelings and desires inside him.

Once in the bedroom, the kids start to look at every gadget there is and touch everything. Danny puts his hands on his eyes.

''You happy I wasn't five?'' chuckles Dougie next to him.

Danny sends him an affirmative look that makes the blonde laugh a bit. He looks so at peace tonight! What a contrast with the guy sitting at the kitchen table earlier! That guy looked scared and now Dougie is just smiling softly at Talon and Colin rubbing their eyes.

''Movie?'' proposes Danny.

''But it's past Father Christmas time'' says Colin with big eyes.

''What time?'' frowns Dougie.

''Midnight'' smiles Danny. ''Father Christmas comes at midnight.''

Dougie blushes. Right. Even though it's march and not Christmas at all, he gets the idea. He should have thought about it. Well, how could he? Father Christmas doesn't exist in his world.

''Let's pretend I didn't see what time it is'' smiles Danny, fumbling in his DVDs.

The kids gather on Dougie's bed, under the cover as Danny starts an animation movie. Soon enough, they are asleep. Now what?

''I can sleep on the floor if you…'' starts Dougie in a whisper.

''No, sleep with me.''

The order is soft and the double meaning of it hit Dougie right… right in the groin. He turns around. Danny turns the TV off as Dougie lifts the covers under the two boys chin.

''You're good with kids'' murmurs Danny.

''So are you…'' There is a silence and they exchange a look. ''Oh, I get it, I should be all distant and all that?'' Dougie is half-smiling and Danny shrugs.

''You're just surprising…''

Rapidly getting down to his boxer brief, Danny slides under his covers. He thought about keeping a tee-shirt but there is no way he won't be hot as hell with Dougie so close. His skin is all tingly.

Dougie goes to the bathroom to take a shower. He gave two classes today after all. Once out, he brushes his teeth and exhales in his hand to breathe his scent. ''You're an idiot'' he grumbles to his reflection. ''You're not about to kiss him. Ever.''

He then looks around, folds a towel, rinses the sink, places a few bottles correctly… Is Danny asleep now? Dougie doesn't want to lay there in a bed with him awake. Who knows how erotic it might get for him.

Danny is slowly dozing off when Dougie gets out of the bathroom and gets in the bed quietly. It's true, it's a big bed so they aren't really close. In the room, you can hear the soft breathings of the twins but nothing on Dougie's right. Danny is awake. He whispers:

''You think you will have nightmares if we sleep in the same bed?''

''I don't know…'' Dougie murmurs back.

''When you sleep with someone… Does it help?''

''I don't know'' repeats the blonde. ''Happened once with…'' He pauses and then sighs. Another confession? ''With an old woman I was living with. Helena. She saw I had nightmares and she used to sleep holding my hand or touching my arm. It helped a lot.''

Another silence falls on them both. Danny knows he shouldn't ask but the words stumble out of his mouth against himself. ''And did it help when you slept with… you know, people you were in a relationship with.''

Luckily, the room is dark, neither Danny or Dougie would have been really proud of the blushing on their cheeks. Dougie hesitates. He never spent the night with anyone… like that. Did a few things in the past, got forced to do a few things but he never went all the way and he never laid like that with anyone. How he wishes Danny could be his first real one…

Seeing Dougie doesn't seem to want to reply, Danny is trying to figure out another way to continue talking. Who knows when Dougie will want to open up again… ''Can you tell me about Helena?''

Dougie inhales. Helena… How he misses her! She gave him everything she had even though she didn't have much… ''She was… '' begins Dougie before stopping, taking a deep breath in ''she was old, but not that old. Late fifties, you know, but life… life made her tired. She was tired, she had lived too much… I came to her place right after…''

Dougie rubs his hands over his eyes. What is it about Danny that makes him talk like that? ''Right after juvenile detention, the first time I went in. I was turning fourteen in a few weeks and I was a mess. The reason she took a kid in was for the money. Government give you money to take care of foster kids you know and she needed it to eat.''

Danny frowns. Judging by Dougie's tone, he really liked that Helena but she seemed strange, wanting a kid for money… Dougie continues: ''She gave me so much… Time and smiles and… care and… she helped with school, and I helped with the house and… She didn't have money for gifts and a Christmas tree but… She had two dollars to buy two tubes of paint at the dollar store and she painted that tree on the wall… Danny, it was the best Christmas ever… I felt like I had a place somewhere.''

Dougie turns to Danny and the brunette can see the shiny pupils staring back at him.

''But she was tired… She made me promise not to give up, not to stop being myself. She loved to watch me dance but, at some point, her eyes were too tired too. And one morning of June, I found her in her bed. She was gone for good now.'' Dougie lets out a shaky breath, coming closer to Danny without even noticing it.

''I didn't want to get in the system again, I knew that I would get sent back to some random place and, after like 12 of them, it was the first time I had found something I could call a home and… well, I didn't want to see that taken away from me but she was gone and I… I got scared. I packed my bags and ran. Ran away… Danny, I ran so fast and so far that I only remembered to call someone to tell them Helena was gone two days after. I was in the next state by then. With twenty bucks and a few shirts and a blanket. They tried to find me but… I kept running. I begged on the streets, I stole… But I didn't give up.''

Danny sees Dougie look at his wrists and he resists the envy to feel the scars under his fingertips.

''She was a lot like you…'' mumbles Danny.

''Yes, she was.''

The brunette has a lot of questions to ask but he feels like it's enough now. Dougie just gave him a bit of himself again. Once more, « thank you » isn't enough. So what Danny does is to reach for Dougie's hand.

At first, surprised, the blonde doesn't slide his fingers in-between Danny's but, soon enough, unable not to feel the soft offered skin, he presses his palm against Danny's and he hears him say: ''for the nightmares.''

Laying there, Danny watches Dougie slowly drifting into sleep. He is beautiful, he is kind, he is talented and, after all that's happened, he still is a wonderful human… Danny takes his other hand and brushes Dougie's fringe from his eyes.

''Who am I kidding?'' he whispers in the silence of the room. ''I am totally falling for you.''


	11. Chapter 11

First position, times three

Giggles. Is that giggles? Brain still foggy with sleep, Dougie tries to open his eyes. Yeah, giggles. Coming from two five years old mouths. The sun is barely up, the light in the room is dim and there are shadows on the floor and the wall. The two boys whisper to each other and giggle again.

''Is he your husband?'' asks Colin, hiding a laugh behind his hand.

''What?''

Groggy, Dougie tries to focus his head on the question. Why is he asking that? And then he realizes that he was asleep very close to Danny. So close that the brunette, laying on his stomach, has an arm over Dougie's chest. The blonde is holding the arm with both hands. He immediately lets it go and Danny moves a little, takes his arms back to lift himself up a little.

He blinks at Dougie and then smiles. He can't help it, he always feel a stupid grin climb inside of him each time Dougie looks back. Like if it meant he cared! Ah, how stupid… Loli is wrong, Dougie doesn't like him _that _way.

The twins giggle again and run to the TV. Instantly, cartoons start to play.

''What's up with them?'' asks Danny, head back in the pillow.

Dougie blushes. Obviously, Danny didn't catch on them being so intimate in their sleep… How Dougie would have wished to be awake when he did that, put his arm on his pecs. His heart might have burst or something. He is starting to like the feeling more and more but… sometimes, he gets scared. More scared than when his dead father falls on him when he sleeps, more scared than when he had to shake Helena and seeing she wouldn't wake up, more scared than that time in Juvi where everybody was screaming in protest. So loudly that he crawled under his bed and stayed there for a whole day. More scared than when his mother… more scared than that. Dougie doesn't want to fall in love. Love is that great feeling… that humanity… that weakness… He can't let that happen to him.

''OK, monsters'' growls Danny, sitting up. ''Who wants breakfast!''

''Me!''

''Danny, it`s six AM'' Dougie lifts an eyebrow and the other shrugs.

''You have to occupy their mouths so they won't blab during two hours…'' he says with a smile. ''But hey…'' he adds, coming closer as the little ones stomp up the stairs. ''You didn't wake up once all week end.''

He winks and follows the tornados as Dougie stays in bed. Yeah, not even once. He moves his fingers on the bedding's fabric. It's because of Danny's hand in his. Or on his arm or wherever it went during the night… Unable to resist, Dougie grabs Danny's pillow, press it on his chest.

''I can't believe I just did that… '' he mumbles throwing it on the other side of the bed. ''I'm turning into a gummy bear…''

When he rejoins the others, Dougie is dressed and took a shower. His mind is clear. The girls are taking care of the twins, chatting and helping as Danny is finishing his plate in silence.

''Hey'' he says with a smile. ''I thought you fell asleep again.''

''We would have been late…''

''Whatever'' winks the brunette. ''Here.'' He slides a plate towards him. How did he manage to make waffles on a Monday morning at six AM? Make that seven thirty now.

''My dad did the mix before he left'' explains Danny.

Right. It's Monday, they have to bring everyone to school. But how will they all fit in Danny's jeep? Even the other family cars are too small…

As if someone read Dougie's mind again, a few knocks can be heard at the door. ''It's him!'' shrieks Xio, brushing her hair and getting up at once.

''Him?'' whispers Dougie to Danny and the brunette watches his sister run to the door. Someone has a crush on Elliot apparently. Wow, Danny really didn't want to know that.

''Hi guys, I have the van'' says Loli, taking place on a stool of the kitchen, Xio climbing on another next to him. Dougie sends a smile to Danny, who hides his face in his hands. He is embarrassed for his sister. They are like… five years apart after all, poor Xio. Now, Danny has to talk to his friend.

''Did you sleep well?'' asks Elliot to Dougie. From the other side of the table, Danny growls. What is it already with those questions? Elliot is making such a point in making Dougie say something that will prove to Dan Dougie likes him! It's getting annoying. Especially since it's the second time he asks that question and, the first time, last Friday, Dougie was sure Danny had talked about his nightmares. Which he didn't!

''Yeah, not bad'' mumbles a blushing Dougie. ''Although six am was really too early…'' He sends a look to the little ones, who giggle. That's all they can do, giggle.

''You ready?'' demands the redhead as the twins and Leslie get up to run around the table.

''Nuthouse'' sighs Danny, rubbing his eyes.

''You shouldn't say that, you've never been in one of those…'' Dougie's voice is soft and yet sad at the same time. He gets up and catches Colin as he passes behind him. ''Clothes time, little people.''

Talon and him race down the stairs and Danny follow them and Dougie with his eyes. He really didn't need to know that thing about Dougie. Another reason to protect him at any cost. Danny eats his toast in silence. He doesn't want to look at Loli. Who knows what he might say this time! Plus, his sisters are just here, at earing range.

When Dougie gets back up with the twins, he smiles at Danny. ''Ready?'' asks the brunette.

''We are'' chuckles the other. ''But I doubt people will let you in class in boxers… although some people might think it's a genius idea.''

With a look at his half naked self and hearing the laugh of the others, Danny blushes. He ignores Loli's glare that probably means something like « Dougie said people would be happy to see you in boxers… he would like it! » and goes put some clothes on.

Loli takes the wheel and Danny the passenger seat. Dougie sits behind Elliot and the twins next to him as the girls take place in the back of the van. ''We look like a summer camp or something'' says Xio and Elliot laughs.

Turning around, Danny sees her blushing and smile widely. Yeah, he needs to talk to his sister… Great.

They drops the two sets of youngsters at their respective schools and head for the high school. As Danny talks in the front, Dougie leans on the window and watches him. He likes to see him smile so genuinely… His eyes always smile and his freckles makes him look like the nicest guy on earth. Well, he is. Dougie never met someone like him before… That seems to be so blind about how everything rolls for him because he wants everyone around to feel happy. Even though he is reluctant to let people see him for the softy that he is.

Dougie is suddenly aware that Loli is watching him from the rear-view mirror and adverts his eyes. Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit! Did is face show something? Will he tell Danny? What if he does? Will the other push him out the bed? Because he slept so good the last three nights! And it felt so…

Dougie turns his head to the window again. Stop looking. Stop being a lovestrucked puppy. What? He isn't in love. At all.

As soon as the car stops in the parking lot, Dougie opens the sliding door. ''Thanks'' he mumbles, running out.

''He always does that'' sighs Danny, following Dougie's silhouette. ''He's like a ghost sometimes… Haunted and scary. Or scared, I don't know.''

''What are you going to do with him?''

Danny turns his head to Elliot, who's taking the key out of the ignition. ''What do you mean?''

''I always say he likes you and you dismiss that thought like if it's a ball of hair.''

''What a weird comparison…''

''You're doing it again… Are you scared, Danny?''

The brunette scoffs. ''What? Scared of what?''

''He was looking at you so… So longingly just then'' explains Loli, pointing the now empty back seat. ''Either you tell him to stop or…'' He trails off.

''Or what?'' asks Danny roughly. ''No, don't tell me. You are my best friend, can you just stop with it? I thought it was the best friend's job to cut the other some slack with complicated stuff.''

''So you admit it's complicated?''

''Fuck you, OK?''

With that, Danny gets out of the cars and slams the door. He is pissed! Elliot might think there is something that needs to be talked about but he doesn't get it. He doesn't understand that Danny doesn't want to talk about it? He doesn't want to admit he has feelings for a guy. He had enough trouble admitting it to himself! What will Elliot say? Will he still want to be friends? Danny is fearing his reaction so badly…

But no. He won't know. Because Danny won't tell, because there is nothing to tell. Despite all Loli can say, Dougie isn't attracted to him. Or to men for that matter. He always adverts his eyes when Danny is topless before him, he barely never looks in the showers in gym class. A few glances don't count, right? Danny does it too so…

''And you're bisexual'' he whispers to himself, opening his locker. Doesn't mean Dougie is gay, right? It could but… Danny kind of hopes he isn't. Because, first, it's hard and it's scary for Danny so… He doesn't wish that for Dougie. And second because nothing can happen between them. Dougie lives in his house, allo! There is a line that should not be crossed here…

In maths, Danny looks at Dougie from time to time during the exam and when he is done, getting up, they share a smile. Good, that means he is doing OK.

When the class is done, Danny waits to see him. Loli passes him with a nod of his head. He is a bit mad and Danny understands. He told him to fuck off after all… He needs to apologize somehow.

''How was it?'' demands Danny hastily.

''Teacher did good'' replies the other.

''So student did good?''

''Students hopes he did.''

Danny chuckles. A bunch of people passes close to them and Dougie takes a step back. When he looks up, he is totally unable to look away. The blue pupils are calling him, it's insane. How can you feel that kind of pull toward someone when you really don't want to?

Dougie clears his throat. ''See ya, Danny.''

He walks away hastily to his locker and is greeted by the drawing of a penis. Great. He doesn't even want to erase it. You can't get away from who you are, right?

Dougie looks at his wrists. No matter how you try to get away with it, you still are… just yourself.

On the way back home, the drive is silent. Elliot is sulking, Dougie is afraid that the driver is going to say something mean and Danny is troubled. In Dougie's eyes, this morning, after maths… there was so much desire that Danny is pretty sure his inside were burning under the look. Could Loli be right? But that doesn't mean that doing something about it is right…

For a rare time, Elliot drops Dougie at the studio and drives Danny home.

''Listen'' starts the brunette. ''I am sorry for this morning, I was tired and… ''

''You have enough of me saying Dougie has a crush on you.''

''Yeah…'' Danny blushes. Does his friend know that he, Danny, has more than a crush on the perfect… gorgeous… sexy blonde dancer?

''I won't tell anything more about that, OK? Just be careful with how you handle things…''

''You're acting like if he is gay again…'' sighs Danny.

''Let me talk, just this once…''

''And the twenty times before that.''

Loli chuckles. ''Yeah, I guess. I won't say a thing after today, OK? But… I know you think I am delusional and it's OK, what the hell. But if I liked someone the way Dougie likes you, I would invite him… well, her for me… somewhere, show her my favorite things, want to know her favorite things… If Dougie does that with you, then you will know I am right. The redhead is always right.'' Danny starts to laugh. ''Now, get out of this minivan, camper Jones.''


	12. Chapter 12

Second position, times three

''I really appreciate how you act with Colin and Talon'' says Danny's mother to the two boys evening. ''The good news is that they are going home tomorrow.''

Dougie stiffly nods in his bowl of chili as the kids start to cheer. Danny should be happy, no? All the twins have done is wake him up really early and touch everything… They broke stuff, put their noses into every conversation… But it's always like that. No matter how annoying foster kids can be, he doesn't want to see them go. Where? To live what? He is always scared about them, about how they will end up.

But this time, it's different. The kids are going back to loving parents, a nice house, a normal life… and he, Danny, is gonna lose something else. Dougie. The closeness, the… yeah, the tenderness that slowly managed to get between them two at night, when they laid awake whispering, making sure not to wake up the twins. He will miss that. He will miss Dougie's odour, his soft breathing next to him, his little jumps when he wakes up.

What will happen now? Will Dougie have nightmares every night again? Will he wake up with a gasp or screaming? Will they talk about the day or books or movies? Or the distance will just take back his due between two very different persons and they will stop being close friends?

That night, after dinner and after Dougie came back from teaching a class, Danny and Dougie take place in Danny's bed in silence. The twins, ever so excited of going home, took a long time to fall asleep.

Each night, Danny takes Dougie's hand or rests his fingers on Dougie's arm, just like that old lady Helena used to do, but not tonight. He doesn't want Dougie to go sleep in his own bed. It has been ten days and Danny feels good with him close. Little by little his shame of having such strong feelings for another guy are leaving and he feels almost at peace. The words bisexual or gay aren't that scary anymore.

Dougie has remained silent all night and he had trouble concentrating with his little students. He is happy the twins' father is doing good and is out of trouble for sure but… he kind of wishes they would stay. So he could continue to pretend in his head that there is something going on between Danny and him at night. He feels so connected to him at times! It's like Danny feels something for him too! The way he looks at him when they whisper in the dark, the way he smiles in the morning, like if he remembered their conversations, like if he was waiting for the night to come again…

Dougie sighs. It's all in his head. He doesn't want to let his mind play tricks on him but it is and he is letting it. That's why he can't help but says: ''Last night…''

Danny turns his head to the blonde and they lock eyes a moment. THIS. This is when Dougie's mind is running. Why does Danny look at him like that? It's like he wants to kiss him or something…

''You don't have to get back in your bed, you know'' murmurs back Danny.

''Come on…''

''Come on what?'' replies the other, turning on his side and lifting himself up on an elbow. ''It's true. You sleep better here and I don't mind… why not…''

Danny trails off. « Why not stay close to me forever? » That's what he wants to say. Dougie turns on his side as well and they look at each other for a brief moment. Why not? repeats Dougie within himself. Because it's too close, because it's too tempting. Sometimes Dougie wakes up during the night and he has to brace himself not to put his arms around Danny, to touch his skin, kiss his lips…

''We'll see'' finally mumbles Dougie.

''I just don't want you to sleep in the corner again. I don't miss seeing you there…''

Dougie doesn't reply. He likes to sleep with Danny, it's not a problem. It's his thought whilst he does that are problematic.

The conversation dies and they stay silent a moment. Danny extends a hand to touch Dougie's wrist. He didn't intend to touch _this _spot but he feels the lines under his fingers and can't help but feel them a bit more.

''Why?'' he whisper. ''Why Dougie?''

The blonde doesn't reply. He can't tell. Not this, what will Danny think?

''Please tell me…''

''You know a lot of things that even my social worker of ten years doesn't know…'' replies Dougie softly.

''Yeah, I know you are right, I'm sorry.''

Danny stops feeling the scars and move his hand up a little. He closes his eyes and thinks of Loli. The way he said that Dougie liked him, the way he insinuated that he is gay. Sometimes, it feels like the stupidest idea ever but some other times… it feels so good to think he could be…

Dougie turns his head to Danny. He seems sad a little, even with his eyes closed. Dougie sighs. ''I was twelve when I did that'' he whispers. ''I… I was just desperate. I wanted to be normal, to fit in, to… I was already dancing almost 24/7 and got so much shit because of it and then…''

Dougie turns to Danny again, who's listening closely. ''I just found out something about myself and… it was too much.''

''Did you…'' Danny trails off. Can he really ask what he was about to ask? ''Is it because you found out you were gay?''

The blonde hastily sits up. ''Why are you asking me that?'' he hisses, forgetting to whisper. Next to them, one of the twins moves in his sleep.

Danny lifts his hands in a peaceful manner and, blushing, he replies: ''Just asking, I'm sorry.''

''Why are you letting me sleep with you if you think I am gay? Why are you telling me stuff? Why aren't you humiliating me?'' rapidly fires up Dougie and Danny sits as well, frowning.

''You're not a leper'' he states. ''You are my friend, aren't you? I'm sorry if I was wrong and that insulted you.''

There is a silence and Danny sighs. Why did he ask that! He knew he shouldn't! But his… mind and his heart and his body and every fucking fiber inside of him needed to know if there was a chance… that maybe… possibly… Dougie could return some feelings to him somehow.

With a glance to the sleeping kids, Dougie lies back down and looks at the ceiling. ''No, it's me who's sorry. You're right, OK? I am. I tried not to be gay but… yeah, it's not something you choose so…''

Slowly, Danny takes place next to Dougie. His heart is pounding, he can feel it against his ribcage but still, it feels like he isn't beating at all. Like if he is swelling in his chest. He wants to listen to Dougie, he wants to get drown in his words but his heart is just floating so high… Happiness, relief, fear, all that mixed up inside of Danny as Dougie looks at his wrists

''I was already too different, I felt like such a freak all the time and then this? Being attracted to guys wasn't going to make me have friends, to make me accepted. And I kept thinking: what if my parents knew? What if it was the reason they both… they both did what they did? I was just so scared to never find a place, to never be able to… to live happy somewhere. So I just… I just did it. With a knife I stole at the cafeteria of the youth center I was in. The guy I was rooming with found me, I was still conscious but I pushed him out of the room and… '' Dougie rubs his eyes once more. ''I don't remember much. There was this guardian that broke the door but I wanted to finish the job and… I don't know, they say I pointed to knife towards him… They brought me to a mental institute for a month, they thought I was dangerous. I guess I was…''

Dougie closes his eyes and, doing so, he feels tears falling down his lids, right into his ears. He wipes them off hastily. ''I was desperate, Danny. I wanted a family, I wanted someone to talk to, I wanted to be able to be myself, to dance and everyone kept telling me I was too strange, that it wasn't right, that I was too fucked up. I had people taking me in only to push me out weeks later, I got beat up and spat at and people would throw food at me. All because I liked to dance and I was small. They didn't even know I liked guys, imagine if they did… I just wanted all this to be over. I had made my time on this shit hole of a planet…''

Dougie clears his throat. ''Anyway, the guy I threatened pressed charges and I got six months of juvi. And scars of what I tried to do. I went to the sissy ballerina to the suicidal sissy ballerina…'' Dougie wipes his tears again, ordering to himself to stop acting like a moron. ''Now you know. Do what you want with it, I don't care.''

With that, he gets up.

''Where are you going?'' demands Danny, surprised.

''Sleep upstairs.''

''Stay'' urges the other. ''Please… we need to talk about this…''

''No, we don't.''

''I need to…''

''Don't worry, I never touched you or anything, I swear'' murmurs Dougie from the doorframe. ''I never lurked either, I promise, even though I have to admit I wanted to.'' Danny wants to say that he was hoping he had but nothing comes out of his mouth. Dougie continues: ''I'll take back my bed tomorrow.''

''What's up with those faces'' asks Danny's dad the next morning at breakfast.

Danny lifts his eyes to watch Dougie but he is deep in his world, it's like he didn't even hear the man talk. His cereals are like the most interesting thing on earth.

The brunette represses a yawn. He is tired, he hasn't sleep at all last night, he looked at the door for a long time and finally decided to go upstairs to talk with Dougie. To tell him he had feelings for guys too. Probably not like him, not only guys, that girls were hot too for him, but still… That he would never push him away because of that, since, in a way, they were the same.

Dougie was asleep, his face all puffy and red. When he had talk, it had seem like not such a big deal but, as Danny was sitting on the table in the living room, watching Dougie sigh in his sleep, his breathing still caught up with tears or something, Danny knew Dougie had made the biggest confession so far. And that himself owned him some explanations too.

''I need to dance'' suddenly mumbles Dougie, getting up.

''But your class isn't until two!'' exclaims Danny's dad.

No reply, Dougie is already downstairs. He comes back less than a minute later with shorts on and his bag.

''Be back for dinner!'' sends Danny's mother. Still no reply. ''What's up with him? Did you two fought?''

The brunette shrugs. Not exactly. But it doesn't mean there isn't anything to fix between them.

Once in his room, Danny gets on his bed but soon rolls up on Dougie's side and breaths in his scent. He still doesn't know what Dougie smells like…

Finally, he grabs his cellphone and calls Loli. ''Hey man…''

''Hey big boy, what is doing my freckly friend on that gorgeous Sunday?''

''You seem happy'' smiles Danny.

''Got it on with Kelsey last night.''

''You did it all?''

''No, but I like her, it was enough.''

''You're such a romantic''

''I got that from you, dickhead…'' Danny starts to laugh. ''Burn! Why are you calling?''

The brunette frowns. He had stuff to ask but he didn't think twice and now, what he wants to ask might be compromising… He doesn't want Loli to know Danny has the hots for his roommate. He turns the question around.

''You said that… that I should check for signs coming from Dougie, you know. Proving he liked me… What do you think he would do?''

''So he did something?'' Elliot sounds excited and Danny blushes. Dougie did nothing but Danny wants to do something. But what?

''I just want to be prepared if he does. Not that I think he will.''

''Trust the most intelligent of our duo, Jones. He will. And I guess he will most likely start with compliments or something. Little touches…'' Danny feels a shiver run through him. Dougie kind of already did that. Does that mean he really likes him? Danny did that as well. ''Then, if it's the same for gays as it is or me with Kelsey for example, he will start to get interested in what you like, want to participate or encourage you or something like that. Show you he cares. If he has a place like you have… you know, that spot in the desert you like… if he has a place like that, he's going to take you, I guess.''

Danny's mind is running, he just got an idea. ''You still there?'' demands Elliot after a moment of silence and Danny mumbles a « yes, what else? » ''Well… if he does all that and you didn't tell him to stop, I guess he will ask you out or just try to jump you, I don't know how it works with homosexuals…''

''He will never do that.''

''Is it disappointment I hear in your voice?''

''What?'' demands Danny, putting his phone back on his ear. He just put a tee-shirt on. ''Sorry, I had a bad night, I will call you back, OK?''

Not waiting for an answer, he runs out of the house.

A few hours later, he waits, sitting on his bed, watching the wall. It looks good. He hopes Dougie likes it. His parents does, they said it was the kindest attention ever. Danny is sure that, if they knew why he did that, they would be happy but he isn't about to tell them!

Glancing at Dougie's bed, Danny hopes he won't use it tonight. The twins are gone now after all. Danny pushed the bed on the wall, on the side and his dad helped him install some mirrors and a barre. So Dougie will feel at home in the room. So he will know that, here, he isn't a freak, he has the right to be himself.


	13. Chapter 13

Third position, times three

Danny sends a convenience smile to the people around him. He is so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even hear the joke they are laughing so loud about. Some guys are clapping his back, whipping tears, what the hell did he miss? He would have loved to understand that one, he need a cheer, something…

Since the twins left, his mind is racing. But racing downwards, like if it's drilling a hole inside of him. And that's all because of Dougie. Dougie… who spent an hour just touching the barre he installed in their bedroom before turning to him and saying a caught up « thank you », Dougie who got back in his bed and seems to run away from him every time they could have a moment together. He walked to school all week to be sure not to be alone with Danny! That's how bad it is.

And yet, Danny gets it. Oh so well… The guy just told another one he is gay. He is obviously ashamed or scared that Danny will pull away and he is taking the lead. The brunette wants to tell him that it's not going to happen, that himself is… gay too but… He is as scared as Dougie.

Danny takes a look around him. Some people are looking at his table with envy, others with jealousy. A few people wave at him. Since Loli and Dougie told him he was oblivious to the power he has in this place, Danny can't stop thinking about it and he seems to notice it more and more. What if all those people knew he was in love with a guy? Yeah, in love.

Will he lose it all? His reputation, his friends? Safety even? Because it's for sure that people won't be behind him if they learn he wants Dougie. And that will leave the door wide open to idiots like Jose to kick his ass. And what about his parents? They will disagree, that's for sure… No, he can't do anything about it. Dougie is the smartest of them two for wanting to take his distance.

''Dinner!'' calls a feminine voice from upstairs.

Dougie takes his earplugs out and turns off his Ipod. He glances at the almost empty room, stretching a little, hand on the barre. Danny didn't come home after school. He always does… Well, he had to before, to drop Dougie off but now… he is free to go as he pleased.

And to blush each time Dougie looks at him.

Like if he's ashamed of what he knows. What got into him! Why did Dougie had to feel bad about not telling and confess something so… so deep to him? Look at where they are now? They can't look at each other in the eyes, they don't share anything anymore. « It probably made Danny realize how really different we were and he stopped trying », thinks Dougie, sitting down at the kitchen table.

''Where is Dan?'' demands Danny's father with a frown. ''I thought he was with you.''

''Might have stuff to do…''

''You walked from school? You called him?''

''I don't have his number'' mumbles Dougie. ''I wanted to walk anyway…''

''I have all my friends' numbers!'' lets out Xio, outraged. ''What kind of friend is he for not giving it to you?''

There is a silence and the two adults look at Xio with a smile. But Dougie doesn't. Danny is the kind of friend that… that does amazing things, that wants to be accepting and open but… For Dougie, they are pass that. He told him something he never should have told. Never! Now, he broke things… Dougie sighs, eating his salade in silence. At least, it's out, he was honest. But he told too much! About the scars, about juvi, about… God! Why can't he just shut up?

''Dougie? You there?''

The blonde lifts his eyes and meets Danny's father snapping fingers. The man is grinning and fuck, it looks just like Danny's cocky smile…

''It's Danny's birthday in two weeks and we… meaning parents and little girls… are going to leave you for the week end. Danny usually throws a massive party so…''

Hesitating, Dougie nods. OK, a party, fine. Buy why are they telling him that? He knows about it, Danny told him before… before Dougie had to fuck it up and talk about having desire for guys…

''Spring break is arriving and… well, he's turning 18 so… What about we give you two a ridiculous amount of money and you two go to Florida? Disney world?''

''Can we go too?'' ask Leslie and Xio at the same time.

''No, it's for Dougie and Danny.''

''But why?'' Their pleading in the same high pitched voices are making Dougie dizzy.

''What do you say?'' asks Danny's father with a smile.

The blonde stares at them blankly. ''I don't get what you are talking about…''

''As a gift… Since we missed your birthday last November…''

''You missed all my Novembers so far, it's not a reason…''

The adults chuckle softly.

''I will go if you don't want to!'' exclaims Xio. ''Guys are cuter in Florida! But no one is a cute as…''

''It's for the grown up, Xiomeida.''

''So Danny can't go'' she pouts and the adults laugh.

''You think you'll have fun together?'' demands Danny's mother.

Dougie shakes his head no. ''He won't want to go with me. Don't force him, I'm sure he rather take a girl or Elliot or one of his million friends…''

The father frowns. ''You are friends…''

''No, we're not'' breathes Dougie, getting up. ''I'm sorry, I need some air.''

Considering himself lucky to have his Ipod in his pockets, Dougie doesn't take the time to change and hastily exits the house. Who cares about training pants and a dirty sleeveless shirt, right? Danny isn't there, Dougie doesn't care about looking good.

He starts to walk along the streets, thinking back about that gift they are offering them both. Danny is used to that kind of presents. Damn, he got a jeep for his 17th birthday! He doesn't want a little road trip for his 18th! Well, maybe Danny does but surely not with Dougie… How he wished he never said anything about… about how he is. He should have lied, thought of something else to explain the scars… How stupid can he be?

Dougie walks for hours before his empty stomach tells him to stop. He is close to that burger place, the one close to the school. How did he get there? He walked in circles or what? Ah, it's funny… walking in circles is all he feels he can do.

Dougie enters the place. It's crowded, of course, it`s Friday night. He gets to the counter and orders a strawberry milkshake. No comment, he likes it. He takes place on a stool after paying. Looking around, it seems like every popular kid in school is in the place.

He gets his drink and sips softly on the straw. Dang, he was hot, the sun is finally settling down, it's going to get colder now.

''Look who's here!'' sends a fake happy voice behind Dougie. ''The ballerina!''

The blonde doesn't move, he just sips harder. So much for a relaxing time, he needs to get out of here. Soon.

''Look at him!'' says Yohan again. ''Sipping his pink potion like the fag he is!''

Dougie closes his eyes as people laugh in the place. He sees in his mind that time were that douche was on his locker the first day and how he tried to hit him… Not a nice memory. Dougie is pretty sure that insults written on the metal door are half Jose's fault, half Yohan's fault.

''You are sweaty as hell… '' continue the football player. ''Did you just have sex? In your butt? Did you get paid? Because you could use some other clothes, you know?''

Dougie sips again. Fuck it, he won't finish it, he wants to get out.

''Or… Let me guess… Is mister Jones involved?'' With the mention of Danny's name, Dougie spins around on his stool. You don't talk shit about Danny! Never! ''Ouh, I touched a sensitive cord'' laughs the other. ''Do you bend over when he feels like it or does he…''

Yohan doesn't have time to finish his sentence, Dougie got up, ran to him and grabbed him by the collar. He pushed him on the nearest table and people around scream a little when glasses of water, coke or food fall from the table and yet, a little crowd gather rapidly around them both.

''Take that back!'' screams Dougie.

''You crazy!'' sends the other.

He manages to get up a bit and tries to punch Dougie. He only gets him on the shoulder and Dougie stumbles a little. He hears people cheer and waitresses telling them to stop. But Dougie can't stop, he has so much anger… he is so resentful…

Dougie pushes him on another table, holds him down and grabs a butter knife. Instantly, the guy tenses and lifts both hands in a sign of redemption.

''What the fuck!''

''You want to know where I learn to tackle stupid idiotic moron like you? Even if they are two times my size?''

The restaurant is silent. Even the waitresses are holding their breaths. Dougie places the knife close to the other's throat, on the wrong side of the blade.

''Prison. The first time, they shoved me around but the second time I got sentenced, oh… I learned tricks. I guess it helped that I spent time in a nut house at some point…Or maybe it's the fact that I had to fight for my own food and my own trashcan when I was homeless or that I am so much of a freak that everyone gave up on me…'' He pushes the knife a little and he guys lets out a soft « please ». Dougie continues: ''You can call me a fag all you want, you think it's a new insult to me? It's getting boring now… But never… never talk about Danny Jones again. You're a piece of shit…''

''What's going on here?''

That voice, Dougie would recognize it anywhere. He lets go of the guy, it was his plan anyway, just after he finished his sentence. Now, he doesn't remember what he wanted to add. The crowd lets Danny pass.

''Doug?'' frowns the other. His face is red, as if he spent the last five hours under the sun.

Dougie lets the butter knife fall on the ground and rubs his eyes. He then walks to Danny and by passes him without a word.

''What happened?'' demands the brunette but Dougie is already outside. ''What happened?'' he asks again. He then wrinkles his eyes and points roughly at Yohan. ''You! What did you do?''

''Nothing!'' pleads the big guy. ''Just a few words and… he got crazy…''

''You called him a fag'' says someone in the crowd. ''And insinuated stuff…''

Danny shakes his head. Again with that… Fuck, what is wrong with people! Danny turns heels and runs out of the restaurant. He calls for Dougie's name but nothing.

''A blonde guy?'' demands a guy Danny doesn't know and he nods. ''This way'' adds the dude, pointing on the right.

With a probably unheard thank you, Danny gets in his jeep and drives along the boulevard. It takes only a minute before he spots Dougie, seated on a bench. He parks his car and walks to him.

''Hey…'' he whispers. Even though there is so much noise around them, Dougie seems to hear the sound because he lifts his head. Yep, red eyes. ''I'm sorry'' says Danny, sitting down next to him.

''You're sorry?'' scoffs Dougie. ''For what? You did nothing! I am the one who blew it again…''

''Blew it?''

''There are gonna send me back to the youth center'' sniffs Dougie. ''That's what the social worker said he would do if I fought. It means no training, no audition, no New York… no… nothing. I'm so stupid.''

''They don't have to know'' says Danny, sliding a bit on the bench. ''Right? I won't tell them, I promise…''

''They are going to know at some point…''

''Then let's just hope it's after your audition…''

''It's in a month! Come on…''

''You come on…'' replies Danny, pushing his shoulder. ''Yohan looked scared shitless of you… I doubt he will want to talk about this humiliation… What did you tell him?''

''To leave you alone.''

''Me?''

Dougie sighs and sits back on the bench. ''Can't we not talk about this?''

''We need to talk…''

''You've been saying that for the past week and I think I just proved that talking never works. I shouldn't have told you about me…''

''About that…'' starts the brunette, his heart starting to pound all of a sudden.

''I am sorry, OK?'' mumbles Dougie. ''I didn't want to make you uncomfortable and I surely didn't want to say what I said but it go out and now, please… please… can we just forget about it? Act like it didn't happen?'' Danny looks at Dougie for a long long time and then nods slowly. ''Thank you'' mumbles the blonde. He gets up and makes a few steps, then turns around. ''See you at your house. You should call your parents, they were worried.''

Mechanically, Danny nods again. Inside, he is freezing, like if his heart sank and broke. He spent four hours at his spot in the desert, thinking and thinking and he wanted to tell him. He told himself: « tonight, you're going to tell Dougie you love him… » and then this happened… So much for love…

When Danny finally gets home, it's almost midnight. His parents can't say anything, he is five minutes before curfew. ''Did you fought with Dougie?'' demands his mother. ''Because I think he was crying earlier.''

Danny doesn't reply. Something is bothering Dougie. He can't only be what he told him, right? Well, it could, after all, Danny is shaken by what he understood about himself, maybe Dougie is panicking too, who knows.

In the bedroom, Danny walks slowly to Dougie's bed. His face is puffy. Why is he crying so much lately? The brunette sends a look to the spot near the wall, which Dougie started to use again. He hates that spot!

He undresses and slips into bed. He has to tell him! Maybe not that he loves him, it now feels like it would be too much for Dougie. There is something wrong here… something he isn't telling. Or maybe it's too late to tell?

Danny is starting to drift into sleep when Dougie wakes up with a gasp. The brunette hears him sigh and he hears the covers move. No. Not the corner again.

''Sleep with me'' he whispers in the dark and Dougie jumps a little.

''I'm fine…''

''You're a bad liar'' sighs the other, getting up. He walks to Dougie and takes his hand. When he tries to pull him towards his bed, Dougie resists.

''You're nuts…''

''Just like you… Come on…''

''Do you remember what I told you?'' murmurs Dougie.

''What we aren't supposed to talk about?'' whispers back Danny, pulling harder. ''I remember. And do you remember you said sleeping with someone helped? Do you remember how I said I would help you as much as I could? This is me helping so shut up and climb in the bed. If you don't, I am going to talk about what you told me.''

In silence, Dougie watches him. He can't repress the smile that climbs on his lips. Bossy Danny is sex, damn!

''What?'' asks Danny, smiling as well.

''Nothing'' blushes the other, finally listening to the order. As soon as the covers are over them, Danny puts both hands on Dougie's forearm. It doesn't take long for Dougie to relax.

Danny watches him sleep a moment and he can't help it, he comes closer to snuggle into Dougie's arms. Just this once. So he can feel how it is sleeping close to the guy he loves. And tomorrow, he will have to find a way to stop loving him.


	14. Chapter 14

Fourth position, times three

Stop loving Dougie? Easy!

Not.

Danny, chin in the palm of his hand is looking towards the parking lot of the school. He hears the teacher talk about theorems and such things but it doesn't make any sense to him. Does she have an equation for his heart? He can't help it. He just can't. Each time he thinks about Dougie, his body seems to be overheating. Each time he talks to him, his voice quivers and he has to repress words from coming out of his mouth. I LOVE YOU! That's what he wants to say. But he says nothing.

Obviously.

Dougie doesn't want to talk about his confession of homosexuality so Danny listens. But… He knows Dougie feels bad about it and he, Danny, could help! Dougie wouldn't feel bad about being gay if Danny said to him he was too, right? It seems too obvious that, to help, he has to tell. But damn it's hard.

What next? What will happen next?

With a sigh, Danny thinks once again about what happened last night. After a few arguments during the previous nights, Dougie stopped arguing and, since then slept with Danny. Danny who can't help but wait until Dougie was asleep to come a bit closer and rest a hand near his heart. Tudum-tudum-tudum… Steady, reassuring, Alive.

« That's all I'm gonna get » was always thinking Danny. Dougie seemed so firm on his decision of never talking about it ever again and, even if they did, why would he be in love with Danny? They were too different.

''That didn't prevent you to fall'' grumbles Danny out loud.

''Sorry, mister Jones?'' calls a voice. ''Are we interrupting your private monologue?''

Danny straightens out on his chair and signs no to the teacher standing a few meters away. Everybody is looking at him and Danny blushes under their look. Did he say a lot of things out loud?

''Stay with us, will ya?'' demands the teacher.

Danny nods but, soon enough, he resumes his position, his mind starts to wander again. He can't help it. Not after what happened last night.

He still can't believe it. For once, he fell asleep before Dougie. And for once, he didn't have the chance to cuddle next to him. Maybe it was why, later on, probably just a few minutes after he first fell asleep, he woke up. Kind off… His mind was sort of there, his body was still relaxed. And Dougie…

The bell rings and makes Danny jump so high his books fall off the desk. Some people laugh, some other just stare.

« Is that what it feels like not to be popular? » Danny wonders. People looking at you but you don't know if it's good or bad?

Danny gets to the cafeteria and sits roughly at the dinner table with the others. When he lifts his eyes, a lot of the guys and girls are frowning at him.

''What?'' he demands.

Some shake their heads, some look elsewhere. Why are people so weird today? Oh yeah, because Danny is weird. He sighs, hiding his face in his arms on the table.

''They are a little pissed'' says the voice of Loli next to him.

''Why?'' is the muffled reply of Danny.

''Because you aren't throwing the Mega Crazy Madness Danny Jones Birthday Party this year…''

''They are mad because of _that_?''

Oups. He forgot to whisper. This day is going from amazing (during the night, with what happened) to worse (with teachers picking on him) to catastrophic (with his friends mad at him). Rubbing his face, Danny gets up. He isn't hungry and he forgot to go buy food anyway.

''Woh, wait up!'' calls Corey, running behind him. ''Are you OK?'' Danny nods as Loli and Andrea joins them. ''You seem weird lately…''

''Lately?'' repeats Elliot.

''Ah, ah, really funny'' replies Danny. ''I'm fine.''

''Then why no party?'' demands Andrea.

''Do you like me only for my parties?''

''Of course not'' she says with a frown. '' I can't believe you just asked me that… You've done one since I can remember… And people bring you gifts and celebrate with you… And now… you say no party because you want to be alone?''

''That's what I am saying'' takes on Corey. ''It's not like you, that's all.''

''Another time, I will throw you a massive thing, OK? Just not this week end…''

''You have other plans?'' wants to know Andrea.

Danny doesn't reply, he is already walking away. He doesn't have other plans, he doesn't know what to do. All he knows is that he can't just invite all those people home, most of he doesn't even know the name, and pretend that he doesn't know most of them are making fun of Dougie. And him by extension.

As if on cue, Danny notices Dougie walking towards him, IPod in his ears. Since his outburst in the restaurant the other day, nobody dares talking to him, even to insult him. They are all worried that he will find a weapon and kill someone. Which he is totally incapable of doing, Danny is sure of that. But he won't say anything to the others. Dougie is left alone and it's fine with Danny. Well… he hates that he is really… really alone. Nobody eats with him, say hi to him…

From now on, Danny promises himself to eat lunch with Dougie a few times a week. All the time if he could but people will talk. And his friends are going to be mad…

« Fuck them » grumbles Danny within himself, walking towards Dougie. He feels eyes on him and then on them as he stops in front of the blonde. He can't help but laugh at his puzzled face. He takes his earplugs out.

''What are you doing tomorrow night?''

''Hiding'' instantly replies Dougie with a smirk.

''From what?''

''Jocks and popular kids invading your house...''

''About that… I'm not throwing a party…'' Damn, why does he feel guilty saying that to Dougie? It's so… unpopular of him! No, he feels guilty because the real reason he doesn't want to party with people is because he wants to spend time alone with Dougie. He should tell him that.

''What?'' repeats Dougie. ''No party? What about your social life?''

Danny chuckles. Dougie and his sarcasm… He has so many tones of voice… Angry tone, discouraged tone, sad tone and… the best of all… loving tone. The one he has when they talk at night or when… like last night.

''Where are you?'' softly asks Dougie.

Danny shakes his head to get back to the present. They really need to talk…

''Saturday, will you save your day for me?'' he demands.

Instantly, Dougie feels himself blushing. How… naughty did that sentence sound?

''I teach during the day…'' whispers Dougie.

''Then at night…'' Danny coughs. Wow, pervert much? He had a whole sex scene in his mind just now… ''I want to show you something, outside the house.''

Biting his lip, Dougie nods. A night alone with Danny? Who would be crazy enough to say no to that…

As Dougie is walking away, Danny watches him go down the corridor. Dang, his ass… The brunette frowns, adverting his eyes. What is it with Dougie that makes him crazy like that? « Why not the other guys? » After 17 years, if Danny had been really gay, he would have felt something for a guy, right? Why Dougie? Why now with this complicated situation? Even though it's far from ideal, far from easy, Danny wouldn't trade that feeling for the world.

Next period is sports for them both. They are playing volleyball, which he is really good at. He tries to concentrate but… yep, no.

''You are spacing out again'' says Elliot, snapping his fingers in front of him. ''Should I be worried about your mental health?''

''Yes'' honestly replies Danny and Loli scoffs.

''You want to talk about it?'' The brunette shakes his head no. ''You never talk to me anymore…'' mumbles the other.

'I do!''

''About a football game, about the rain, about the jeep… Never about important stuff.''

Danny is about to say that it's not true when the teacher loudly congratulates Dougie for a pass. Danny smiles and stretches his neck to take a better look at him. His legs are tanned, his hair are bleached by the sun, he is shining…

Once again, Danny's memory brings him back to last night when he was hanging in a place between sleep and consciousness. When he had felt Dougie turn on his side and could imagine him, lift on his elbow, head in his palm, hair in his face. Danny felt a hand on his chest. Soft… oh so soft fingers brushing his skin slowly, like if they wanted to engrave in their memory the curves of his pectorals.

Then, he felt a hand in his hair, passing through them, a thumb caressing his forehead and he felt the mattress move. Dougie came closer, he could feel his breathing on his face.

''What are you doing to me, Danny Jones?'' murmured Dougie in a sigh. ''I think about you all the time… I can't… I can't be like that… Especially not with you…''

Softly, as soft as his words, Dougie had let a finger descend along Danny's jaw and pass on his lips.

''I'll protect you, I swear… I never want you to lose your bubble, Danny. Keep thinking that everyone can do anything they want…''

And then, Dougie had lean forward and kissed Danny's cheek, his lips lingering on his skin. By now, Danny was more awake than asleep but he couldn't move. Fear is a great paralyzer. He never wanted this moment to end.

BANG!

Danny falls backwards, his head hitting the gymnasium floor, his ass roughly cutting the shock. A volleyball rolls away. Instantly, Danny touches his forehead and looks at his fingers. No blood but wow, he feels dizzy!

''Sorry! I'm so sorry!'' says a voice that's coming closer and closer.

A small crowd gather and Loli and Dougie break the barrier. ''Are you OK?'' demands Elliot.

Danny blinks, touches his forehead again, where a bump is already appearing. If he is OK? He looks into Dougie's worried eyes and remembers… He remembers that after kissing his cheek, Dougie lay back down and sighed: ''God, I love you so much, Danny.''


	15. Chapter 15

*sorry for the delay, I'm a good boy, I spent mothers' day week end at my mom's place and my boyfriend's mom's house ;)*

Fifth position, times three

When Danny arrives home on Friday night after leaving Dougie at the dance studio, his parents and sisters are already gone for the week end. Money is on the counter to pay for a bit of alcohol and snacks for the party. No, Danny didn't tell them he didn't want to party this year. He wanted to make sure they would go away!

He sits on a stool and looks at the bills. He will use that to offer Dougie some diner and... something else. He still doesn't know what. Something he will like... that will make him think of Danny, maybe... The brunette has been thinking about that all week but he has to admit he doesn't know much about what Dougie likes or not. Apart from dance, Danny doesn't know anything... Favorite color, animal, music... anything! He has to fix that. This week end.

Danny eats alone in the house, plays a bit with Elliot on the computer. He has the feeling his friend is a bit mad at him. But what can Danny say? "Sorry I can't spend nights talking heart to heart with you anymore because, in my heart, there is this big love for another guy"?

Danny takes some aspirins again and looks at the bump on his forehead in the bathroom mirror. Wow, that a massive lump, he hopes he doesn't have a concussion. Happy birthday... He gets to the living room and turns the TV on. Only a few minutes pass before the entrance door opens.

"Hey" says Dougie, startled. "I thought you would be in bed by now..."

"Why? It's only ten..."

"And you have a bump the size of Texas on your head. Hurts just to look at you." Danny chuckles but Dougie doesn't even smile. For him, this sentence had a deeper meaning, it's true that it hurts to look at Danny, his heart aches for a contact so much... "Are you OK?" demands the blonde.

"Aspirin, my friend, aspirin..."

"You're smiling like you're drunk" scoffs Dougie.

I'm not drunk, thinks Danny. I'm just so happy to see you. "You getting out again?"

"Yeah. To see my... friends." Each Friday, when he finishes teaching and training, he comes home, changes and then goes out. To dance again. Dougie goes down to put another shirt on, change his shoes and Danny smiles at him when he get to the door again. Dougie hesitates. He feels like he is going to regret it but he can't help his mouth to form the words... "You wanna come with me?" he demands in a whisper.

Danny's smile grows bigger. ''I don't know how to dance'' he says.

''You can just watch, a lot of people come see us. But… you don't have to come if you don't want to…''

''I do!'' presses Danny. ''Leave me a second!'' He runs downstairs to put on something else than boxers and climbs back hastily. His head is killing him but he won't say a word about it, no way!

''We could walk'' stars Dougie before hesitating. ''I mean… if you…'' He sighs, resisting the envy to roll his eyes at himself. He is turning into goo each time he looks at Danny for too long.

''We can walk'' softly replies the brunette.

Syms and Mitchell, the two guys Dougie is almost always dancing with, are already there when he and Danny approach. They are surrounded by a lot of cars and people. The cars' lights are lightening a circular spot in the parking lot of the big mall. Laughter can be heard from the distance.

''It's like in the movies'' says Danny without thinking.

''Except that some people break bones sometimes'' chuckles the other.

''Really?''

The blonde wiggles his eyebrows and Danny shakes his head. He looks happy. Calm… He really likes those people, doesn't he? See… Danny already learned something about the guy he loves…

Dougie shakes the two guys' hands and presents Danny to everyone. It doesn't even take a minute before girls start to surround him.

''What happened to your head?'' asks Syms, cringing.

''I french kissed a volleyball… She didn't like it.''

Everybody start to laugh and Danny winks at Dougie. ''Show me your moves, blondie…''

''It that a challenge?'' loudly demands Mitchell. The word « challenge » seems to be the cue because everybody starts to cheer and clap.

''Woh, relax!'' calls Dougie. ''He's a spectator!''

''You can't dance?'' wants to know a girl. Danny shakes his head no.

''He can't be perfect'' softly smiles Dougie before realising. He blushes ten shades of red and, embarrassed, turns hells, asking: ''who wants to dance?''

A few hours later, a tired Danny and a sweaty Dougie make their way towards the big house. The brunette has a massive headache but he feels amazing. He saw Dougie dance! And it was… perfect! Fun and hyper and so far from sad and serious Dougie.

''You alright?'' demands the blonde as they pass the door and the other puts his hand on the wall.

''Dizzy…''

''We never should have gone… You should have lay down, I should have taken care of…''

''Doug…'' smiles Danny, his hand on the other's chest. ''Shut up.''

The blonde chuckles and, once in the bedroom, he looks at the time. ''Hey, it's your birthday.''

''Is it?''

Dougie laughs a little. ''Let's get you to bed…'' He goes to the bathroom and picks up a few aspirins. ''You got it bad, heh? Take these…'' Danny smiles at him and touches his bump with his fingertips. ''You look like your head ate a golf ball…''

''I had a great night'' says Danny, laying back on the mattress. ''You're an amazing dancer.''

''At least, it wasn't boring ballet…'' smirks Dougie.

''I want to see you dance… all dances!'' The blonde starts to laugh at Danny's tone. ''What?''

''Aspirins get you high. Just like that.'' He snaps his fingers and, instantly, a guilty look takes place on his features. He gets off the bed, saying: ''Sorry, that was gay.''

''Dougie…'' starts Danny.

''Sleep, OK?''

''We need to talk…'' The brunette is about to add that he doesn't have to feel bad all the time about who he is but Dougie's look discourage him. His face is closed, like if he locked his head in a box and he can't hear, feel, say anything.

There is a long silence in the bedroom and Danny tries to sit down. He wants to take his shirt off but he is just so tired now… Like ten minutes ago, he was fine but now he feels like a loser in front of Dougie.

''Let me help'' whispers the other, coming closer again. Making sure not to touch Danny's forehead, he undresses him. With a barely repressed sigh, Dougie's eyes travel on the shoulders full of little freckles, the pale skin… Clearing his throat, he takes Danny's shoes off and he notices the brunette is already half asleep. He gets to the top of the bed and brushes his cheek and neck. ''Good night, Beautiful…''

Dougie gets in the shower as a very sleepy Danny opens his eyelids with difficulty. He smiles to nothing. He did again, he really likes him! Danny's smile dies a little as he feels himself fall under again. He has to tell him. Later today, he will, promise.

The sky had been threatening to fall on the earth all day but Danny wasn't going to give up his plan. His headache wasn't going to be an incentive either. Dougie's pleas that he stayed in bed, that they watched movies, tranquil, that he rests weren't going to change his mind. He was going out with Dougie, to that spot he, Danny, loves more than anywhere in the world. And there, he would tell him he loves him.

''What is that face?'' demands Dougie for the tenth time of the day.

''You should take your shoes, we are going.''

''Danny…''

''Mom…'' The blonde chuckles and rolls his eyes at the same time. ''I am fine, OK? We aren't going to bunji jumping or play volleyball, I can drive.''

''Fine, stubborn two years old baby.''

''I'm eighteen!'' screams Danny from the couch as Dougie gets downstairs. It is almost diner time and Danny wants to go pick up some food for them both and then head to the desert. ''You'll see'' he says to Dougie, when the blonde sends him a questioning look once returning.

They drive a little through town and Danny stops at a grocery store. ''Wait here, please?'' Ten minutes later, he is back with two bags full of unknown stuff. ''You'll see'' he repeats to Dougie under his eyes. ''A gift.''

''You don't get the birthday thing, don't ya? You should be the one receiving gifts, not giving them…''

The brunette smiles softly, eyes on the road. He is about to give himself the greatest gift of all. He never told anyone he loved them. Apart from his mom and dad and sisters but they don't count. He never felt the envy to say it to someone, to need someone so badly that he is opening up to them in that way.

After an hour of driving, they reach a spot, atop of what seem to be a mountain but ends up to be only an elevated valley. On one side, there is the dirty road and on the other, a slowly descending cliff. And, from the distance, you can see all of El Paso. Danny stops the jeep and turns to Dougie. He is about to say something but seeing the blonde's face close to the car window, his eyes big with amazement, makes him forget what he wanted to tell him.

''It's such a huge city!'' finally says Dougie and Danny laughs. ''Sorry, stupid comment.''

''Wait until it lights up'' replies the other. Dougie's eyes brighten and they get out of the jeep. ''You hungry?''

The sun slowly sets down as they eat cheeses and bread in the heat of the desert. ''I was hoping it wouldn't rain before we get where you wanted to get'' says Dougie.

''You like it?''

''It's amazing…''

''It's my favorite place in the whole world… I always come here… Oh, look, it's starting!''

The suns descends a little more on the other side of El Paso and the city lights start to pop out and glow one by one. A soft laugh can be heard on Danny's right and he notices that it's Dougie who laughed. Danny opens his mouth to tell him his biggest secret but is caught up in Dougie's cheerfulness. He looks so happy!

The brunette gets up and goes to open the car lights when the sun is finally setting for good, the darkness swallowing the top of the valley.

He is going to tell him… Now.

''Dougie, I…''

A big crash of thunder erupts over them and, only a few seconds later, rain starts to fall. No, not fall. Pour. Hurrying up, they gather the rest of the food and run to the jeep. Danny gets into it hastily but Dougie, after resting the things in the car, hesitates.

He sends a childish smile to Danny and closes back the door. ''What are you doing?'' asks the brunette but Dougie doesn't hear him. He is running in the rain.

''Freedom!'' screams Dougie and Danny chuckles. No wonder why he loves him so much, look at him! After all he's been through, he is still such a wonderful human…

Danny opens the door and runs after Dougie. It doesn't take a minute before he is soaked. The sand of the desert is heavy under their feet, they keep sliding but, over the rain falling on the metal of the car, Danny can still hear Dougie chuckle each time he falls.

Soon enough, panting, the blonde stop at the end of the valley, when the slight descend starts. He looks at the tiny little dots of light that constitute all of El Paso. A lot has happen for him in this town but now… he feels happy. He just misses…

Dougie feels a hand on his shoulder and he smiles to Danny. Who doesn't smile back. The brunette comes in front of him, he looks so serious and so scared at the same time. What is happening?

He touches Dougie's forearms, puts a hand on his chest, another on his shoulder, back to the biceps. Even though he can't hear it, he sees how fast Dougie is breathing. And, when he lifts his head to meet his eyes, he feels the warm cloud of air he is exhaling hit him.

Danny opens his mouth but he knows he will have to scream to be heard, the rain around them is too intense. His heart is beating too fast, he surely can't talk anyway.

It's Dougie's turn to open his mouth but Danny's index is on his lips in an instant. He takes a step forward, his palm sliding on Dougie's neck. The blonde shakes his head no but Danny, with a shaky smile, responds a yes. He feels Dougie exhale forcefully and then bring his hands up to touch Danny's waist, who bends his head and, finally, presses his lips on Dougie's.

Bubbles. Inside the rain, inside of himself, Danny feels like a million of little bubbles are exploding. He doesn't sense the coldness of the water anymore, he is burning oh so intensively… He never though a kiss could feel like this…

That's exactly what Dougie is thinking. Over the « why? » and the « it's impossible », he is relishing the feeling of Danny's arms around his neck, of his own fingers touching the other's waist, of those lips he looked at with envy so many times.

They move their mouths softly against one another and, even though he never kissed anyone in his life, Dougie extends his tongue slowly, licking Danny's bottom lip. He doesn't even think about, because, if he did, he would push Danny away, telling him something like: « you can't kiss me, you aren't gay! »

Danny opens his mouth a little and lets Dougie in. He presses a hand in his wet hair as the blonde's hand clench on his hips. Their chest are moving together, breathing in duet as, surrounded by rain and thunder, car lights illuminating them, over what seems to be the whole wold, the two boys kiss like if their life depended on it.


	16. Chapter 16

First position, times four

A dumbfounded Dougie couldn't take his eyes off a ever so content Danny. He was driving them back home, a soft smile on his lips and, sometimes, he would break in a full on massive grin that would make Dougie's eyes grow wide with astonishment.

They had kissed.

Dougie couldn't get that thought out of his head, the scent of Danny still fogging the air around them, the taste of his lips still lingering on his own. If he licked them, he would probably still taste Danny. But he doesn't want to risk it. What if all this was a big misunderstanding? What if Danny did that out of pity for the poor kid obviously smitten by him? What if...

They roll out of the desert and into town in silence. When Danny turns to him at a red light, Dougie tenses a little and backs off in the seat. His movement was involuntary but Danny is so strange right now... so... happy? He doesn't seem to regret their kiss at all. But how could it be? He is straight. Right?

His smile still ever so present in his face, the brunette extends a hand, palm on top, for Dougie to take. the other looks at the fingers, at their owner and, as he is about to order to his mind to take a decision: die of fear or die of happiness, someone honks behind them and Danny starts to drive again.

Now, he looks a bit worried. He is frowning and sending looks to Dougie. He thought the blonde wanted to kiss him? Did he just make the biggest mistake of his life? It was so... intense... and yet so... normal at the same time. Danny was expecting some kind of instinctive back up, his mind reminding him guys with guys isn't the norm... But nothing. Only this big yes screamed in silence in his head. But now, he is a bit scared of Dougie. He hasn't said a word, he reacts like if Danny is a dancing panda arriving from Pluto...

When Danny parks the jeep in the house driveway, he instantly turns to Dougie, who backs off a bit more against the door.

"You scared of me?" worryingly demands Danny.

''Why did you kiss me?''

''Because I like you, I thought it was obvious.''

Dougie scoffs, the kind of scoffs that says you don't believe people. The blonde frowns under Danny's gaze. He is still smiling.

''You can't be serious…''

The smile finally dies a little and Danny turns his body towards Dougie. He tentatively risks a hand on the other's knee.

''I tried to tell you but… you didn`t want to talk about it. And I… I couldn't stay with this all by myself.''

''This?''

''What I feel for you…'' softly replies Danny.

''You're wrong'' Dougie cut him. ''That would be wrong'' he adds, moving a finger from him to Danny.

''You kissed me back…''

''Yeah, because I'm gay!''

Danny chuckles. Stubborn Dougie is out to play apparently. But he was going to make him hear the truth. ''I'm gay too…'' sends Danny.

''You're not. I don't want you to be.''

With that, as he used to do a lot in their beginnings, Dougie gets out of the car without leaving a chance to Danny to replicates. The blonde is already in the house when the other leaves the jeep.

He hasn't been expecting an argument to follow that… amazing and perfect kiss… He had been hoping… Danny doesn't know what he wanted exactly. But surely no misunderstanding. He has to talk to Dougie and Dougie has to listen.

Danny takes his soaked shoes out once in the house, his damp shirt and goes to his bedroom… their bedroom. He leans on the doorframe as he advises Dougie at the barre. He is topless as well, his wet hair all over the place. He always goes to the barre when he is stressed.

''I don't mind liking guys, you know'' says Danny.

Dougie shakes his head and rubs a hand over his eyes. ''You have a perfect life… perfect family, grades, friends… looks…''

''All this isn't… perfect'' sighs Danny, walking towards Dougie. ''Something was missing and then you arrived…''

''I am trouble, Danny'' mumbles the other. Danny giggles a little. ''I _am_!'' repeats Dougie.

''You are trouble'' laughs Danny again. ''I know that and I want that.''

''You're nuts… That volleyball did more damage than we thought.''

For the third time, the brunette chortles. He is near Dougie's bed and holds out a hand for Dougie to take. He doesn't take it.

''I heard you say you liked me…'' softly says Danny. ''When I was asleep, I heard you… And since you've been here… I've changed. You made me discover that whole part of myself I didn't even know existed and I like that part, I love it. And I really, really, really like you… Give me a chance…''

Dougie inhales deeply. Is this one of his cheesy dreams? Because Danny sounds like he just got out of one.

''A chance to what?'' whispers the blonde. ''I ain't no good for you, Danny. There are a lot of things you don't know about me… If you are fine with being gay, then good for you but… I'm not. I hate being gay. I hate it.''

Danny sits on Dougie's bed and leans forward, elbows on his knees. ''Call me an idiot but I thought that if I said I want to be with you after hearing you say you liked me, it meant that we could be together…''

''If I was someone else, maybe…''

''I don't care what happened, OK?'' vehemently replies Danny. ''Whatever you did or said, it doesn't change anything for me. For what I feel for you…''

Dougie's hand leaves the bar and, just like he did under the rain, he shakes his head no as Danny replies with a nod.

''Stop talking like that…'' says the blonde, sitting next to Danny on his bed. ''I might get used to it.''

''Get used to it now…''

A little smile climbs on Dougie's lips, which he represses at once.

''What about your parents? Your friends? School? You can't give that up for me, Danny.''

''I'm not giving up anything. Apart being scared, I guess…'' Danny sends a look to Dougie and he can he understands oh so well what he just said. He stopped being afraid of being different. ''I just want to make sure you know I want to be more than your friend, Dougie. Way more… The others… they will have to accept it.''

''You want to come out? You're gonna gets artwork on your locker, you know that, right?''

''I don't care…''

''Danny… You're in carebear land again'' replies Dougie, unable not to smile. ''You're so high and then you will fall so low… people will be ugly with you. Don't say anything, please…''

''What are you offering me in exchange?'' cheekily demands Danny. After a few seconds, Dougie starts to chuckle.

''I am trouble…''

''You said that already…'' sends Danny, getting up and, once again, holding out a hand for Dougie to take. The blonde hesitates and finally takes it, getting up as well. Danny grabs his other hand and they stay there, silent, looking at their mixed up fingers. ''Can I kiss you again?'' demands Danny. When Dougie nods, he leans forwards. Opposed to the first one, this kiss is slow and tender and sweet and careful.

They are cold and still wet from that run in the rain but it doesn't matter much. Except that, when Dougie starts to shiver, Danny leaves his fingers and say: ''I'm gonna get us some towels, I don't want you to catch something…''

Soon enough, he is back with two of those and Dougie goes to the bathroom to take off his pants, boxers and socks to put some new briefs on. When he gets back in the room, he saw that Danny did the same and, sat on his bed, towel in hand, he seems to be waiting.

''You want to be my secret boyfriend?'' he asks. Dougie bites his bottom lip. There is no way he is gonna change his mind, isn't it? Does Dougie want Danny to change his mind? Hello, he is asking him out! Him, Dougie homeless orphan dangerous needy Poynter!

The blonde finally nods and, hastily, Danny leaves the towel, gets up and goes under the covers. Dougie smirks.

''I'm not that easy…''

Danny chuckles. ''Shut up and let me hold you tight. I just want to hold you.''


	17. Chapter 17

Second position, times four

He held him alright. So tight and so good… When Dougie woke up the next morning, he was spooning with Danny, the brunette's hand right on his heart as if it had been rehearsed. Closing his eyes again, Dougie relived last night's events. A nice day, a superb view, a wonderful dinner, a kiss… and then an admission of feelings, kidness… softness… gentle kisses and an embrace… so quiet and tranquil you would have thought none of those guys had even been sad in their lives.

Reality is however kicking in. How are they going to that? Hide and… what exactly? Steal glances from time to time, touches… pretend they don't know each other? Danny is so… popular and public, it would have to be: we are together at home, single outside of home. That could work. Dougie smiles, unable to fall back to sleep. Yes, that could work.

Danny hand starts to move on Dougie's torso and he mumbles his name. His breathing in Dougie's neck sends tingles in the blonde's spine and, when Danny notices he is awake, he kisses the soft skin exposed.

''You know how many times I hoped you would do that to me?'' whispers Dougie, eyes closed.

''Do what? This?'' Danny kisses his neck again, and then his shoulder blade, the shoulder and then back to the neck with a more insisting kiss. He trails his mouth to the side of Dougie's neck and sucks a little on it. Dougie can't help the moan that climbs inside of him and he presses his lips together to stay quiet. Danny's hand presses his side and, instinctively, Dougie's hips push back a little. They meet some boxer covered flesh, some semi hard flesh. Danny doesn't repress his slight grunt and he kisses Dougie's skin harder.

Unable to resist, the blonde turns his head a little and ends up on his back, Danny's mouth millimetres away fron Dougie's. He lifts his neck and they kiss. Softly at first but when Danny climbs over Dougie, it feels like the pressure of his body on the blonde's asks for some lips pressure as well.

Danny never kissed someone like that. Like it was enough. He always waited for something else but he is just discovering that something else… it doesn't exist when you are with the person you love for real. A kiss should be a whole, not a part of something.

Danny lifts his head and Dougie sends him a questioning look. ''You ever done anything with a guy? I mean, sure you did, look at you, but… have you ever… like… got… you know…''

Dougie can't help but chuckle at Danny's shyness. Has he ever got fucked? That's what he wants to know. And if he had done stuff with guys… Dougie was kind of hoping he wouldn't ask that question, that's part of the secret and he doesn't really want to talk about it… But he doesn't want to lie to Danny

''I've never had a boyfriend or had someone stick his dick inside of me if that's what you want to know'' smirks Dougie. ''Or did that to someone either but… I've done stuff. You're the first one I kiss, though. You had my first kiss, Danny Jones…'' Danny smiles widely at that reply but then blushes. ''What?'' demands Dougie. ''You want to do _that _now? You are shaking, you're not ready…''

''Being ready… it's a girl's thing'' grumbles Danny.

''No, it's a virgin thing'' grins Dougie. ''And you are a guy virgin… just like I am… mostly.''

Danny is about to ask what he has done with other guys but he sees Dougie's clouded eyes and decides not to ask. Plus, he doesn't want to come up as the jealous type… Instead, he lowers his head again for them to kiss.

His hips are on top of Dougie's and, when he lowers them, a synchronised moan escapes their lips. Danny is semi hard again and the blonde lets his hands travel down the other's back to touch his ass. He spreads his hands on the two bumps of flesh as Danny brings his mouth to Dougie's neck. Biting and licking, he feels the fingers press down on his bottom, their erections making contact with more intensity.

Danny's breathing starts to rage. His hips start moving along with Dougie's and they adopt a slow rhythm. It is as they are breathing together, sharing moans from one mouth to another. The two hard columns of flesh are rubbing together, in their respective underwear but still… the two boys can feel the heat coming from each of them.

Dougie presses his legs on each side of Danny's. He never dry humped anyone before, he never felt like… giving up resistance, being abandoned to someone else. Against his instinct that tells him to keep some control, as they move faster and faster, sloppily kissing, Dougie lifts his legs a little, crossing them in Danny's back, bringing him even closer.

Danny senses Dougie relax under him, as if he gave up trying to be the bigger man. Still, his hands are clenching hard on his sides, surely leaving marks but who cares really? Danny brings a hand down, caressing Dougie's lifted right leg. Another shot of electricity runs through his body. He's not gonna last long…

So it's that? Desire? Passion, is that how it is called, that wave of feelings that washes over him? How come no girl ever made him feel that? He feels like flying and sinking all at once…

With a loud sigh, Dougie opens his mouth under Danny's kiss and he lets it go, he feels it bubbling and he doesn't restrain it. He feels Danny trembling over him and his orgasm hits him when he realizes that he just made Danny come.

The brunette, panting, unable to hold himself up with his arms, lays there, face on the crook of Dougie's neck, trying to come back to planet Earth. Planet Dougie was a bit high…

A chuckle escapes Danny's lips. Soon followed by one from Dougie. What just happened? In between them, there are two sticky spots and, when they unglue themselves from each other, Danny taking place next to Dougie, cold air catches the spot, making them blush.

''Good morning…'' whispers Dougie. Danny can only laugh. ''How's the head?''

''I feel a bit dizzy but I don't know who's fault it is, my boyfriend or my girlfriend the volleyball…''

Dougie bites his lips at the word « boyfriend ». He likes that thought a lot. ''How are we going to do that?''

''I don't know… We just… we have here, right?'' Danny sighs. Here. In the bedroom. That doesn't seem enough but… that's really all they have.

''I'm OK with that'' assures Dougie.

''You sure?''

''Hey… I don't want people to know either'' he smiles softly. He doesn't add that he doesn't mind people knowing about him, they all basically figured it out already but with Danny… it's different. Dougie wants to protect him from bullying as much as he can. ''I feel bad about your parents, though'' adds Dougie.

''Me too…'' mumbles Danny, rubbing his face and touching his bump with his fingertips. ''Let's keep it low, OK? Until we both get to college…''

''Six months…''

''Six months…''

There is a silence, cut short by Danny's cellphone ringing. The brunette looks for it and finds it in Friday's pants laying on the floor.

''He's alive!'' says Elliot, a smile in his voice. ''I called you like ten times yesterday!''

''Sorry… I was…'' Danny looks at Dougie, still on the mattress. He can't tell Loli what he has been up to. ''What's up?''

''Happy birthday, that's what I wanted to say!''

''Sorry, I turned my phone off'' lies Danny.

''On your birthday?'' replies the other. ''Are you OK?''

''I have a small concussion. I've been out of it a bit…''

''I see that…'' sighs Loli. ''Can you hang out today?''

Danny hesitates… He wants to see his friend, it has been a long time since they have been able to spend time together but… There is Dougie now…

Already torn, Danny? The brunette sighs. That secrecy thing won't be easy.

''I better take it easy'' he finally says. ''What are your plans?''

''Kayak in the rapids…'' Danny starts to laugh. Not happening. ''Maybe another weekend?''

''Sure!''

''Happy birthday, Dan…''

''Thanks mate.''

With a few more words, he hangs up. He feels weird. Happy that he was able to avoid leaving Dougie for the day but sad that… that what? That he is happy to avoid his friend? That he lied already, only a day after Dougie and him finally met, really met?

''You OK?'' demands Dougie, seeing Danny frown.

''Yeah… I need aspirins. And to pee. And to take a shower.'' Danny looks at his boxers. ''Damn… I love having a boyfriend…'' Dougie chuckles.

''Girls can't dry hump you like that, heh?'' he smirks.

''Girls have nothing on you'' smiles Danny, laying back down on Dougie. ''Nobody has nothing on you, Dougie Poynter…''


	18. Chapter 18

third position, times four

"You didn't use the money?" said Danny's mom, noticing all the bills on the counter?

"What did you do all week end?" asked Danny's father.

"What is up with you?" kept demanding Loli.

"Why are you so silent?" demanded Andrea.

"Why aren't you cruising with me anymore?" wanted to know Corey.

"Why is Danny Jones not doing any partys?" wanted to know... everyone.

Danny has never been a good liar. He never needed to, he was nice and wasn't causing any fuss. Except to the girls he kept winking to... But now... Danny was becoming a really good liar. Excellent even. In just two weeks, he had found the way to reply to questions with a smiling lie, acting like if his heart wasn't beating like a thousand marching bands inside his chest. Like if it didn't matter. But it matters. A lot.

He has a boyfriend, he has someone to say soft words to at night, someone who, even though keeps looking unsure that they should do _that, _be a couple, is still looking at him with such tender eyes and trusting him more than he probably ever trusted anyone in his life...

If lying will help them stay together, then fine. He will lie. Even if it makes him ache for some normality again. He is a bit tired of the questions but truth is not an option. If they go public, Danny will lose his privileged standing. Dougie said so and even though Danny thought it was a bit shallow of him to lie to people because of a popularity status, Dougie's second argument convinced him:

"If we tell everyone, I will have to go, they'll send me back."

That was set. Secrets and lies were a million times better than losing Dougie. A trillion times better. What they have is... Danny can't even describe it. There are no word worthy enough of those times, at night, when Dougie will cuddle next to him, his breath on his neck when he will be whispering in the dark or those times after they dropped Leslie and Xio at school and he can't help thinking that, one day, it will be their kids. It is too soon to think about it but damn... it's the first time Danny sees a future with someone.

"You want kids?" asks Danny to Dougie a Monday, a little over two weeks after they kissed.

Dougie scoffs "You see me as a dad? Ridiculous."

"Why?" Dougie chuckles again and turns to Danny. He was serious. Oh.

"You can't see it because of my amazingness..." starts the blonde and Danny sends him a smirk "... but I am fucked up... Very messed up."

"You're not..."

"Exactly what I'm saying... I don't know how to... how to love properly, I can only give pieces, you know that..."

They talked a bit about it. Dougie said he had trouble being close to people, that with Danny, it was really different and really scary. Danny said that he could take the time he wanted, that it wasn't a short term relationship for him. As he said that, Dougie couldn't help but think: "how do you know? In a month or two, you might be bored of me..."

"If you can... care about me, you could care about a kid. Plus, you are good with them."

"I wouldn't know how to be a parent, Danny. You would be an incredible father, I would just fuck shit up. The only example of parenthood I have hung itself in a kid's bedroom and left me on the..."

Dougie doesn't finish, he just turns his head to the parking lot. They are arriving at school. Danny turns off the ignition. He really wants to ask about Dougie's mother but he doesn't dare. It's not the right time or the right place. Plus, it's Dougie most guarded secret, he is sure of that.

"You have my parents as examples. And Helena..."

Dougie smiles softly. He knows Danny is trying to make things better but... are they really? The adults he is living with may be the nicest persons he ever came across but, in four months, when school is over and when he turns 18... they are going to get out of his life... And Helena, well... she's dead. She may have been a breath of fresh air in his empty life of pain... she still left him with nothing. And after he ran away, blinded by fear and desperation, he found himself on the streets, forced to do what he did to survive. She was an angel to him and her giving up when she made him promise to never give up, it was a betrayal.

Of course, Danny can't understand all that and Dougie doesn't really want him to. He should keep his illusions.

''You'll make a great dad someday'' finally replies Dougie.

''I will be happy being the nice uncle with you'' smiles Danny.

''With someone else, I mean'' murmurs Dougie, eyes on the parking lot. He tries to make his heart descent back to its place, in his ribcage. ''You'll meet someone who...'' Dougie doesn't finish his sentence, he just can't think about Danny with someone else, no matter how true this possibility is.

''You want to break up?'' demands the brunette, dumbfounded. ''I'm sorry I talked about kids, it was hypothetical, you know, just to make conversation... I want to be with you...''

''I don't want to break up, Dan...''

''Then why are you saying all that? I don't want to be with someone else than you...''

Dougie sends Danny another soft smile. What about in a month? A week? Has Danny ever gone to New York? He will meet so many guys once at college, girls too... Dougie doesn't stand a chance and he knows it all too well.

''I'm sorry I said it'' whispers Dougie none the less. With a sigh, Danny extends a hand to touch his boyfriend's knee but Dougie moves it away. ''There are people around…''

Danny lifts his eyes. He knew they were in the parking lot and that everyone could see them but… Dougie seemed so sad all of a sudden and his words… it was like their relationship, which is just beginning, was already something he was trying to get over… Danny didn't like that. At all. He hasn't said to Dougie he loved him, they stayed on « I like yous » and such and now Danny is wondering: « does Dougie love me or just like me? »

They finally get out of the jeep and walk towards the front of the school. Danny watches Dougie's hand. He wants to take it so bad… But yet he can't.

''Gosh, I hate secrets…'' mumbles Danny.

Dougie is about to apologize but a group of girls walk pass them. Most of them turn around and wave at Danny, an ever so recognizable look on their faces, like if they are hoping he will notice them. Danny waves back and then his eyes catch Dougie's.

''I'm sorry…'' he starts but the blonde lifts a hand. He tries a smile. Danny knows him, it's not a really smile.

''Don't apologize, it's fine, you just waved… Plus, you still like girls.''

With another fake smile, Dougie turns heels and take the corridor leading to his locker. The other stands there, people walking pass him. It has only been two weeks since his birthday but things aren't so peachy anymore… That first night was so… perfect and then the morning… more than perfect.

Now... there is all this tension, unsaid things and secrets. Lies and omissions. Danny doesn't want to lose Dougie, he better adapt rapidly to that and stop caring so much about lying. What Dougie said in the car is turning in his head though. Someone else? He can't see that ever happening. He wants Dougie, he wants his secrets and nightmares, he wants his passion for dance and his slow music, he wants his smirks and his jokes he doesn't always understand. He wants his kisses and his soft touch, like if he was scared Danny would vanish if he pressed too hard. Danny wants Dougie in his life forever, he can't see himself without him. But… he can't help but think that he feels too strongly for the other and that the blonde doesn't feel _it _as much. Looks like it anyway, like if it was a limited time only fling or whatever…

''You frowning the worst frown in the universe'' says a voice. Danny refocuses on Loli and starts walking again. ''You alright?''

''Perfect.''

''And the truth is…?''

Danny sighs, turns to his friend: ''Truth is that you should stop asking so many questions.''

Danny enters in his locker row. ''That's called caring, you twat!'' screams Elliot. Danny doesn't reply, he swings his locker door open. He is sad, he is pissed, he is… scared. He just can't wait for tonight to arrive, when Dougie and him will be alone in bed. It's like it's the only time they truly _get _each other. Even though nothing happened since that first morning, they are so close during those nights… Danny craves that more than anything right now.

The day goes by really slowly. It's one of those days where Danny and Dougie don't have many classes together. They eat lunch under the willow tree and it's all fun and banter, the morning « discussion » put aside.

At the end of lunch hour, they see Elliot approaching. Dougie gets up. ''I'll leave you two.''

''Stay'', urges Danny, ''he likes you, you know that.''

''I know.'' Still, he walks away. He doesn't want to invade. Loli surely didn't come to talk to Danny _and _Dougie.

The brunette gets up as well, he owes his friend an apology but, before he could talk, the other says: ''Listen… we have been friend for a long time… a long long time and I… I thought you valued our friendship… You can take your distance from the others Danny but me? I wished you wouldn't.''

A faint « Loli » comes out of Danny's mouth but what could he say? « I am avoiding you because I like a guy and I surely don't want you to be ashamed of me » or « I am not talking to you much anymore because the love I feel for this guy is so scary that I can't share it in case it breaks » ?

He can't say any of that. So he lets him go. They will talk another time. ''You alright?'' demands Dougie when Danny rejoins him. ''He looked pissed.''

''Just a misunderstanding…''

''You want to ride home alone with him tonight?''

''No, it's fine'' smiles Danny. ''He is a bit mad, better wait until it dies down.''

In maths class, the teacher gives them back last week's test. Dougie turns to Danny, showing him his 80% on the top of the sheet. Danny smiles at him. How he wish he could extend a hand to touch him, or murmur « I love you ».

The brunette then turns to Elliot. He would like to say things as well but… the red headed guy just nods when he advises Danny's perfect note. ''Good job'' he mumbles.

''You too'' says the other, eyes everywhere but on his (ex?)friend.

On the other side of them both, Dougie looks at the exchange and feels an icepick enter his heart. He knew this was going to happen. They can't tell people because Danny's parents are going to send him back to the Youth Centre but… not telling is hurting Danny already. He's going to get enough of this shit really soon, Danny is too… nice and pure to sustain this tension for a long time…

And Dougie is selfish, he doesn't want to let him go before he decides so. And God he feels guilty…

That's why, once at his locker at the end of the day, when he notices Jose walking to him, he doesn't move. The big guy slams Dougie's door shut and the blonde only has time to take his head away before it gets squashed. Jose pushes Dougie's backpack on the ground.

''You don't have a knife now, don't you, ballerina?'' he says loudly. Dougie closes his eyes. ''You're not as proud now, right, faggot? Say something!''

Dougie doesn't want to say anything, he just want it to be over with. Plus, the more he says, the more Danny could get into trouble.

Jose pushes him on the locker. Inside it, something falls. A mirror, maybe, or books. Then, he pushes him harder. Usually, Dougie would have said something about physical contact, said a joke that was sure to destabilize the other but now, he just lets the big guy shove him on the ground and kick his side before spitting in his face.

He is tempted to close his eyes and think of later, tonight, when Danny and him will be in bed together, and he will hold him, pass a hand through his hair, making his head jump a bit on his chest when he will laugh. But Dougie, right now, in that locker row, doesn't close his eyes. He lets them open, and watches the dude walk away.


	19. Chapter 19

Fourth position, times four

''What happened to you?'' demands Danny, hastily bringing a hand to Dougie's cheek.

The blonde takes a step back. ''People, Dan…''

''People?''

''There are people around…'' mumbles the other.

They are again in the parking lot, after school, and Dougie just walked to the jeep to rejoin his boyfriend.

''Jose jumped me'' finally admits Dougie. Danny flinches and approaches to see the bruise on Dougie's face. He notices him holding his side.

''You hurt?'' The blonde raises an eyebrow at Danny's question, whom chuckles. ''OK, let's forget I ask that. Let's go home and put some ice on this, alright?'' The other gets in the car very slowly. ''You should see a doctor… I can't believe it! Nobody defended you? Said something? It's incredible, how stupid can…''

''Danny…'' Dougie's soft voice stops the brunette from continuing his ranting speech. He has his head on the back of the seat and is looking at Danny so tenderly… The other's heart starts to swell. How he wished he could kiss him! Right here and right now. He only extends a hand to brush his knee. ''I'm fine, I just need aspirins and a long… long make out session…''

Danny starts to laugh and starts the car. ''Deal, I can do that for you…''

''If it's not too much to ask…'' grins Dougie.

''I won't even have to think twice about it…''

Once at the house, Danny calls out for someone. No one. He then turns to Dougie with a sly smile on his face.

''Pervert'' grins the blonde.

''Looks like someone needs a mirror'' chuckles the other.

''Don't make me laugh, please…'' urges Dougie.

''I'll get out Tylenol or something. An ice bags…''

When Danny gets in the bedroom with a glass of water and a few towels wrapped around ice packs, Dougie is already laying on the bed, shirtless. He takes the medications with a thanks and Danny applies the ice packs on his left.

''Did someone see you fight?'' he demands.

''I didn't fight…''

''But Jose…''

''I just let him do his thing. You know I can't fight or they are going to make a report and send me back…'' Danny sighs. He knows Dougie's right but still… He really doesn't like him being punched without any chance of defense. Danny doesn't know that Dougie wanted to fight back but… somehow, he thought he deserved the hits. After all, Dan and Loli argued because of all that secret thing… ''Plus, he has his revenge now, he will probably leave me alone…'' finally continues Dougie.

''Uhm… I hope so…'' Danny climbs over Dougie and taking place next to him. He looks for Dougie's hand. They smile at each other. That's why he puts up with shit and guilt at school and with his friends. Because of smiles like this.

''About this morning…'' starts Dougie. ''I'm sorry. I was in a bad mood.''

''Why?''

''I didn't mean to say what…''

''No, no, I meant about your bad mood. Did I do something? The kids talk was just… a talk, you know…''

''I don't know what came to me'' lies Dougie. He knows what pushed him to tell what he told, about Danny making his life with someone else, girl or boy. It was pain management. Dougie wanted to make sure, in _himself, _that he didn't get caught in all this feeling thing he is scared off so much and that he remembers that, someday, pretty soon, it will be all over. The more he tells himself that, the less he will be crushed when it happens. ''I'm sorry'' says Dougie again.

''It's fine'' replies Danny, turning on his side. He starts to caress the blonde's stomach. ''You want to redeem yourself?''

''I thought you said it was fine?'' smirks Dougie.

''I want to try it…''

''_It?'' _

Danny approaches his face from Dougie's and, after kissing him, breathes in his ear: ''Taste you.'' The other can't repress a moan that makes Danny chuckle.

''You sure you never slept with another guy?'' jokes Dougie. ''Because I am more reserved although I have experiences.''

The brunette moves in between Dougie's legs. ''How much experiences? I mean, how many…'' He shrugs, blushing. ''What did you do with other guys?''

Dougie turns his head away. He doesn't want to reply to that. So all he says is: ''A few and I… I did stuff…'' He looks back at Danny pretending he doesn't see how unsatisfying the answer is. ''I can't move much, I am really sore.''

''So I will have to do all the work… sadly'' grins back Danny. Thinking that it isn't a good idea for the blonde to take his shirt off, he just lifts it a bit. ''I'll do this quickly, who knows when they all will be back…''

He goes further down, until his lips met Dougie's trousers. He opens the button and looks up, his eyes asking a silent question. The blonde nods and he pushes his pants down, as well as his boxers. Dougie helps him, lifting his feet. He is almost fully naked in front of Danny. Dougie breathes deeply as he sees Danny's eyes sliding on his cock. It's fully awake, precum leaking on the head. He's never been so excited in my life! At least, that's what Dougie is thinking a second before Danny slowly leaks what's already coming out of my tip.

''Oh my God... '' he sighs loudly.

He takes him fully in his mouth. At that moment, Dougie really thinks he'll die of excitement. A guy is sucking him. Not any guy for once, it's Danny... That makes it feels so good and... yes... right. Dougie is stocking his hair, following his pace with his hands. His body is all tense, he's all his... Still licking Dougie from the bottom to the top of his cock, Danny grabs his arse, holding it tight and the blonde suddenly feels the little tingles announcing an orgasm.

''Dan... I'm...''

Dougie doesn't have the time to finish that Danny slides his mouth up and continues with his hand. Faster and faster, twisting… until Dougie, forgetting about his painful ribs, arches his back, curls his toes and lets out a load moan, hand in Danny's hair. He feels like he's burning, like every cell of his body is running to his crotch.

He is panting and still feels like he isn't breathing at all. Danny rests a hand on Dougie's thigh. How powerful did that feel? Giving him pleasure like that. No, definitely, Danny never felt that with a girl. It's like… he had as much pleasure as Dougie just now. He doesn't even want to move to clean his hand.

Finally, Dougie comes back down to earth, he lifts himself on his elbows. In the process, the ice bag on his side slides on the mattress. He totally forgot about that… He sends a smile to Danny.

''How what it?'' demands the brunette.

''Perfect…'' sighs the other. ''Come up, I'll show you…''

''Your jaw'' notes Danny. ''It will hurt.''

''Doesn't matter.''

''Yes it does.'' He slides up Dougie's body and carefully extends a hand to grab some tissues. ''I can wait'' he adds. ''As long as you are happy.''

Happy? The blonde looks at his boyfriend laying back down next to him. Is he happy? That swelling in his chest, is that happiness, he wonders… Even though he isn't convinced that what he is about to say is 100% truth, he says it anyway:

''I am happy, Danny.''

The other smiles brightly at him. ''Very good, then. Mission accomplished.'' He chuckles, turning on his side and laying a hand on Dougie's chest. He lifts his head to replace the icebag. ''You better?''

''I'm all numb'' scoffs Dougie. ''Ow… No laughing…''

Danny chuckles again and Dougie brings his arms around him. He likes when they just lay there, he never did that with any of the man he… well of course, he never did that, you don't lay lovingly in an alley… You don't love either when you do what… He needs to talk to Danny about it. No, he can't, he will hate him. Think it's disgusting… Well, it is, really.

''We need to do something about Jose… He deserves…'' says the brunette

''A brain. But they aren't going to waste a good one on him so let's just leave him be.''

''He's going to push you around… and me too'' states Danny.

''No, not you. I'll make sure of that.''

''How are you going to do that, knight in shining armor?'' smirks the other.

''By not telling, that's the only way.''

Danny stays silent. He feels like they need to tell. Each time he talks to his parents, he feels guilty and now with Elliot… And all his friends wondering why he is now so reserved… He isn't ashamed of Dougie. Of being with him. Or of being gay.

Suddenly, a sound over them make them jump. Parents or sisters are back. Hastily, Dougie gets dressed and he turns to Danny, who comes closer, stealing a last kiss before nighttime. Time to pretend again… sighs Danny, within himself. He can't wait until they go on spring break next week! Alone a last!


	20. Chapter 20

Fifth position, time four

Finally…

That's what Danny thinks when they drive off, Dougie and him, to spend a week away. Danny suggested Disneyland and you should have seen Dougie's face! Like a three years old kid to whom you say he is going to live with Santa Claus. Of course, Dougie asked numerous times if Danny didn't prefer to go on this trip with Elliot or Corey. Those three barely talk anymore so…

When the word went out that Danny Jones would abandon the week of parties and freedom that was offered to students to go away with a guy that everyone thought was gay, rumors spreaded like wildfire and, wherever he went, Dougie was hearing stuff, getting insults and listening to insinuations… well, those insinuations were true but he would never betray Danny like that. The brunette wasn't getting any, he was just avoiding questions. Nobody dared to ask stuff directly to him, or laugh, they reserved that to Dougie.

But… no thinking about all that for them both this week. They will be out of town, out of the state… time to relax and be themselves.

"Will I be able to hold your hand in the streets?" demands Danny when they finally get out of El Paso by the highway.

"You're not scared of people lurking?"

"Are you?"

"I asked first…" smirks Dougie. He lays his head on the back of the seat and let's the warm hair hit his face. They opened the top, thinking a road trip called for bad hair.

"Well, there will always be people looking and thinking we are nuts… So if I start to really care about each and every one of them, I am bound to desperation, aren't I?"

Danny smiles to Dougie, extending a hand to take his fingers. The blonde lets him bring both their hands on the shifting handle and they remain silent a moment.

"You tired from your audition?" demands the brunette. Dougie nods, eyes closed. "At least, you did amazing." The blonde chuckles softly.

His audition was yesterday and Danny had been more nervous than him about. He kept asking questions and looking at the time and, when they arrived at the community center where the people of the dance school held the audition, Danny shrank in his seat at the sight of the line of people there, waiting..

"It's the best dance school in the US, Danny" had laugh Dougie. "What did you expect?"

"You're not scared?"

"Shitless."

"Doesn't look like it."

"Emotion hiding, I learned that early" had replied Dougie with a sigh.

"I know, baby" mumbled Danny, leaning forward his boyfriend. They were an hour away from home and it was the first time they kissed when someone else could see them. It was different than in a bedroom.

"I just can't believe there will do that in every state…" had said Danny again.

"Only the bests." Dougie had send a tape with a solo a long time ago, before he came to Danny's, when he was still in juvi. He had the permission to get outside and film with a bad camera and send it. He thought that would cost him an invitation but no, he had an e-mail, just before Christmas. He had been among the five thousands applicants to get an invitation to the state audition. Him and five hundred others.

"It will all be perfect" had smiled Danny, perking up. "Right?"

"Right, big baby" had chuckled Dougie. "I just need to do so well I will get offered a scholarship…"

Danny had grunted. That wouldn't be easy. But hey, he had seen Dougie's solo and it was… so so so good… so perfect, so intense, so… him. He just poured his heart into it, the cracks, the holes and the nightmares. Danny, watching him, had fought an urge to cry. He had realized that there was this whole part of Dougie that would never heal, no matter what he did. But he didn't know how big was this side of him.

Dougie had gone out of the car after a last kiss and entered the big building, followed by a black haired girl.

"Is that your boyfriend, in the jeep?" she had asked.

For the first time, Dougie had said the truth: "Yeah, it is."

"He's hot. I like brunettes."

The girl had smiled to Dougie, following him to the registration table. There were about sixty other dancers waiting, stretching. Now, Dougie was nervous. He wished Danny could have come inside with him. As he was waiting for his turns, he had thought about what the girl had asked and what he had replied. Yes, Danny was his boyfriend, yes he was really, really happy about that but… There was something… something wrong. And it wasn't coming from Danny's side, Dougie knew that. It's just that… their whole relationship… it was bound to end at some point. They were too different. Danny was bright and seeing the good in everything and everyone and him, Dougie, was as dark as night, he had no trust in people, no strength in his heart for another betrayal. He was too scared and Danny wasn't scared enough.

When won't those moments in the bedroom be enough anymore? When will Danny get tired of secrecy and Dougie's clouded eyes? When will he want to be normal again and go back to a girl?

Dougie had tried to put those thoughts out of his mind but it hadn't work very well. Maybe that's why he felt that his solo performance was the best yet. When he had been done, the judge, seated with two woman had wanted to chat a bit with him. And he asked: "Where did you get that black eye?"

Dougie had hesitated, opting for the truth. "Highschool isn't easy for a guy that dances…"

The woman had looked sympathetic. "I didn't fight" had said Dougie. "It's just… it's mostly because of who I love." Blushing, he had looked at his feet, thinking of Danny, probably biting his nails to blood in his pricy jeep and how, before, he would never have talk about his homosexuality. He was slowly getting over his shame of it… Because of Danny.

"You hurt somewhere else?" had demanded the man and Dougie had lifted his shirt to show his ribs, the bruise there. "You danced with that?"

"It's not broken, I promise" had said Dougie hastily. "It's just a bruise from a kick and…" He had shrugged, embarrassed.

"Your solo was very impressive" said a woman.

"Best we have seen in a long time" added the man, nodding.

"And knowing you are so resilient to pain is a good point for you" continued the other woman. "I see here you are asking for a scholarship… I will put a good word in your favor, young man. You deserve it very much."

With misty eyes and a thank you, Dougie had walked to the back of the stage. He couldn't wait to tell Danny all that!

"Mister Poynter" had called the man just before Dougie left. "Highschool doesn't last forever. Stand tall."

Dougie had run to the jeep. Danny saw him from the distance, he was seated on the hood. He slid down and caught Dougie in his arm. He was very worried. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Then, Dougie had lifted his face. He had a huge bright smile in his face, watery eyes and he was almost shaking. "I think I got in. I won't know for sure until they are finished with the audition tour and… but I… I think I got in, they said I was one of the best!"

"Here?"

"Everywhere!" Dougie had laugh through his tears, oblivious for once to the fact that he was held by a guy in front of a lot of people, that he was acting so childishly and that the guy, Danny, was lifting his chin with a finger to kiss him. He let him, he was so relieved!

Dougie blinks a few times and is blinded by light coming right at him from the windshield. Danny turns his head to him, and grins: "welcome back, sleepy head."

"Shit, how long did I sleep?" groggily asks Dougie.

"A few hours but it's fine… I am just really hungry now."

"But it's two PM! We left at six, it's not a few hours!"

Danny starts to laugh, extends a hand to caress Dougie's neck. "You needed it apparently. Plus, I like watching you sleep."

"It's creepy…"

"It's not" laughs Danny again. "You are so beautiful when you sleep…"

"You're always beautiful" replies Dougie with a soft smile.

They soon stopped to eat in Gonzales San Antonio and then took the road again. At around 11 PM, Danny declared his eyes were too tired to drive anymore and the sun was definitely not shining anymore. They were in the middle of Louisiana already. They found a motel and settled in for the night.

"I brought a gift for you" said Dougie. "Well, for me too…" Curious, Danny approaches. Dougie throws a lube bottle on the bed. Danny smirks. When the blonde send a condom box his way, he blushes.

"You sure?"

"All this requires time at first… At… With your parents and sisters upstairs, that felt weird to… you know, think about it…"

"We won't get interrupted here" grins Danny. He remembers all too well that time where they were going down on each other and Leslie barged on the door, making they jump so high Dougie fell off the bed. Talk about a boner killer…

"You should wear it" says Dougie, holding a condom to Danny.

"You sure?" he asks again. "You said you've never done it."

"I've never done it, I swear, it's just… Have you ever had fingers up there?"

"What? No!"

"I like it" mumbles a blushing Dougie. "So… I'm pretty sure that'd feel great with you inside of… inside of me, you know…"

"I can't wait" sigh Danny.

"Then why are you doing with pants on?" grins the other.

Later on, Danny is holding his member in his hand and looks at Dougie, laying on his back.

"Guide me, OK?" he whispers. The blonde nods and Danny slowly pushes his head in. Dougie flinches, this is way bigger than two fingers. "Sorry" mumbles Danny.

Around him, it feels so tight, so warm. When Dougie tells him he can push himself in a bit more, he is ever so happy to oblige. God, it feels good. Danny has to remember himself to look at Dougie, to be sure he isn't too hurt. The blonde is breathing in deeply, eyes closed, slowly stroking himself.

"Go on… I'm fine." Danny obeys, starts a back and forward motion. "God…" lets out Dougie after a moment. "Oh my…"

Danny smiles a little, moving his hips. Dougie's legs are folded in his back, he is caressing his sides and he looks so abandoned… Danny leans forward to kiss him. Soon enough, movements get frantic and sloppy. Dougie feels himself coming without being able to hold it back. Danny's name rolls out of his mouth. The brunette, feeling the blonde's wall clench around him can't take it any longer. He buries his face in Dougie's neck as he holds him tight and lets him ride his orgasm.

When he is able to breath again, Danny rolls on his side, takes off the now full condom, wraps it with tissues and feels Dougie curling next to him after he dropped it in the bin.

"That was amazing…" murmurs Danny.

"So amazing… I love having sex with you… It's so different…"

"Different? How?"

The blonde shrugged. Danny sensed him tense on his side, he probably didn't mean to say that and to get questioned about it.

"Will you tell me one day?" demands Danny. "Seems like a big deal to me…"

"It's just… It's not my best move ever and I…" Dougie sighs, turning away.

"You what?"

"Let's not ruin the night, please?" he pleads, eyes full of tears. "I don't want to talk about it and I don't want you to hate me."

"I could never hate you… Won't it make you feel better to share it?''

''Not with you'' replies Dougie with a sad chuckle.

''Why not?'' Danny frowns.

The blonde turns on his side, sighing. He really doesn't want to talk about it, not to Danny. Not to anyone. He is ashamed of what he did, even though he had no other choice. He doesn't want Danny's vision of him to change. Dougie has the feeling that, with him, he is a nice person, a person that has a shot at a normal life… He wants it to stay that way… But, if he doesn't tell, won't his boyfriend think he doesn't love him enough?

Dougie sighs again, getting on his back, eyes to the ceiling and says: ''Ten bucks for a handjob, twenty for a blowjob…'' He lets the information sink in in Danny and when the other mumbles a « oh no… » under his breath, Dougie resumes: ''I was just fourteen, homeless and I couldn't work, they would track me down and bring me back to a Youth Center or something… I was mad at Helena for leaving me, I was mad at… at everything. Me and some other kids, we would go next to gay bars and offer services. They always made fun of me because I didn't want to suck guys, I was almost always offering handjobs… I needed to eat, Danny…'' finishes Dougie, looking at him.

The brunette extends a hand to touch his chest, strokes it a little. ''I know, baby, I know… Have you ever… been… you know…''

''No, I swear'' replies Dougie, sitting up. ''I just… There was snow and it was cold and I needed a place to stay and you had to pay for a bed so I… I had to go over my fear and I… I did more blowjobs. I let people do it to me, I would just zone out and wait until my body said it was over but I… I hated it but there was nothing else I could do. Some guys got fucked and all but I would rather die in the snow like I should have when I was six than let someone do that to me…''

Dougie rubs his fists over his eyes. Danny would like to ask about that last piece of information but he decides that it's enough. His boyfriend didn't want to tell and yet he did, Danny should respect that. He can't deny that it's painful to think about a younger Dougie, a lost Dougie, alone, cold and hungry, doing those things, getting a bill and running with it but… it's all in the past… How he wished he had known him sooner!

''They caught me a year later'' finishes the blonde. ''They send me to juvi again, for a year and a half this time. Because I stole and did… and because I did prostitution…''

Danny slides on the mattress, until he is close to Dougie. He tries to take his head in his hands but the other won't let him. He wipes his eyes hastily, clears his throat.

''I love you, Doug…'' The other's head snaps up and Danny smiles, knowing that would work. ''I still love you as much as before, maybe more…''

''Danny, stop…''

''One day, you'll have to believe me, Dougie.''


End file.
